Happy Sexy Saturday, kiddos! I could not be more happy that my pal The Suniverse agreed to post today. This is long overdue. If you read my post about how the Raw Photos Contest began, you know how Sun and I met and became friends. Since, she and I have become close and I consider her one of my greatest friends.
She's like a big sister and I'd go to her for advice on just about anything. She's like me in that she's quirky and goofy and complicated and OCD. Plus she's a great writer with a rapier wit. If I could change anything about Sun, it would be to get her to post on her blog more. Maybe you all can help me shame this busy woman into making her blog a bigger priority in her very full life. Just kidding. But not really.
I think you'll really love this post. I love hearing her honest perspective. Oh wait, first go follow her on the twitter and subscribe to her blog.
Enjoy!
I like sex. Really, really like it. A lot.
It's fun and nasty and silly and dirty and serious and passionate and a great way for me to release tension. It's also a fun way to get to know people. You know, like an ice breaker.
I wanted sex, or at least the idea of sex, from about high school age and on. I was, however, so sheltered, that I wasn't sure what happened where.
True story: I was 16 when I saw a Playgirl magazine and realized that men had pubic hair, too. Seriously.
Unfortunately, I didn't like sex so much when I started. When I was 19.
What?
Did I mention the sheltered thing? I was raised in a VERY STRICT household, where being a virgin was far more important than, say, being a nice person.
It wasn't easy getting over the idea that sex was evil, and particularly the idea that sex outside of marriage meant you were going straight to hell, and that actually enjoying sex meant you were a whore and should be taken out back and shot. Or at least beaten.
Yeah. That'll give you some conflicting feelings.
Anyway, I had sex a few times with a few people before I realized it was not only ok to have fun, but perfectly acceptable to ask for particular things. In fact, people REALLY LIKED IT when I would ask for something, when I was involved in making decisions and not just kind of going along and [maybe] quietly seething because oh, my god, why aren't you moving this way, you idiot?
Being vocal, being strong enough to ask for what I wanted took some time. Actually, it took some time to ask one night stands. It took FOREVER to ask someone I was in a relationship with. Because I figured I'd be judged as, you know, a whore.
But when I was finally comfortable to do that, to say, "Listen, I'd like it if you did this," it was amazing.
That, my friends, was a revelation.
I could ask for something, willingly get it [boy, people will give up pretty much anything when asked while they're having sex, won't they?], and not be ashamed about it.
That last thing? That's the best part.
Not being ashamed with a lover, or a one night stand or with your mate. That feeling of freedom, of knowing it's o.k. to ask for what you want, and even if it's a little out there, there will be no judgment.
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9 comments mean you love me:
They do say... if you do not ask, you do not get. How very true that is. Something I had to learn as well...or as my partner said... "I am no mind reader".
Good post!
I didn't grow up in an aggressively conservative household, but my parents did always think I could just learn everything about sex from books. They figured I'm a reader, it should work out.
Which means it took me a very long time to get used to the idea that any of my partners would ever want to do anything to me. I totally get the sudden realization that one shouldn't be ashamed to ask for things. It's powerful stuff.
Very good post!
With Sexy Saturdays in mind have you read oxbridgesex.blogspot.com
You should check it out.
not only is it a huge dose of empowerment when you reach the point where you can ask for what you want, it's also a sign of a really healthy sexual relationship. that's one of the main ways i know that my boyfriend and i are in a deeply good relationship: we are always on the same page, and there's no fear, no boundaries, no "ick" factor. if we want it, we ask for it. no holds barred. it's a thing of beauty.
this is one hell of a post. well said.
So true, so true. I am not great at saying what I want, so it's taken me perhaps longer than most to make requests in the bedroom. But those requests are usually met with: "It's so hot when you ask me to do XXXX." A good lesson in sex, and a great one for life in general.
Nush- I know right? big part of my life has been just that.
Mario- dude. I had the opposite. but there's no learning like practical application!
Simon- I haven't. thanks.
magnolia- yes and yes!
Jess- yes, life too! we sometimes forget that's important. :)
Sun- thanks for posting!!
I'm so thrilled that this resonated with everyone. I'm glad I could do my part to make sex more fun. HA!
The fact that you shouldn't be ashamed with your lover is something that took me a long time to learn.
Sun- you're the best!
Steff- right? oh so many bad memories.
Brandy- but you're all better now I hope! :)
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