I've been blogging quite a long time now. I think I'm coming up on my 5 year anniversary too. And it's a funny thing, the blog. This is my place to rant and rave and share my opinions, opinions I might not say to the rest of the world. Well, kind of. I think nobody would believe I'm quiet or shy or anything.
That would just be unbelievable. But I do keep my mouth shut about plenty of things in certain situations, like work or in certain company. It's about knowing your audience.
I've always treated my audience here on the blog as my personal sounding board, as my friends and therapists, as it were. So you guys see only this one side of me. You hear my innermost thoughts and fears and annoyances and pains.
And, believe it or not, I also edit myself here in some ways. I hardly ever write about work, except incidentally, and I never use it to air my grievances about my boyfriend. To be fair, I have very few grievances with Eminem; we hardly ever bicker or fight. But I have had bad relationships in the past and it's been hard for me.
With my ex before Eminem, I went through a period where I stopped writing because all I wanted to write about was how unhappy I was, but felt I couldn't because that wouldn't be fair to attack him on my blog. I felt that would be passive aggressive. I still think I was right to not write about him inside the relationship, because I can now say I held fast to that rule, regardless of how he treated me. Not to say I didn't blog about him later, however.
I say all this because it bears noting that because this is MY domain, my world that I've created and have dominion over (oh the POWER! MWAHAHAHAHA), it creates an air of authority that just can't be helped. Not that I think you all think I know everything about everything, but that it probably seems like I think I know everything about everything.
Which is just not the case.
And suuuure, I can be an insufferable knowitall. I can be the teacher's pet and delight at knowing all the answers. Can't help it. But I know that I'm not the foremost authority on life. I just write here because I'm figuring it out just like everyone else.
This isn't a publication. I'm not a journalist. This is a blog.
I am well aware that these are my personal opinions and thoughts and that, because no one writes here but me, no one gets to dispute those.
There is a comments section. Huzzah!
So someone left me an anonymous comment on the post about being mean I wrote a couple weeks ago. And forgive me for not quoting it exactly, but I'm just that lazy. It said something like, that's kind of hypocritical based on what I know of you and what I've read here. Or something to that effect. Please feel free to correct my lazy ass.
And, setting aside that I think anonymous comments are bullshit (just type your name. I do.), I get it! I totally get it. I can see how someone would think that. I guarantee that a lot of bloggers get similar reactions.
This could also be an ex friend who is still pissed at me for something. That could very well be, too. Ahhh what are you gonna do?
But in the instance that this is just a reader, I say, you got it, dude. We are all a little hypocritical in some areas. Because I rant and rave about things that piss me off here and then I rant about how I hate when people are mean, I'm going to seem hypcritical.
In the context of that particular blog post, however, in my defense, what I say on my blog and how I treat those I love are two different things. I do not criticize my friends and loved ones for the stupid shit and rarely for the big shit either. I can actually be kind of a doormat. I think my job is to be supportive. And I'll say again, I never write bad things about my personal friends and family on my blog. I just won't use it as a tool to hurt those I love. I won't.
I have an ex friend (I will not disclose the details of our breakup) who constantly thought I picked on her through my blog. I didn't then and I don't now. And if something I write about offends you personally, it's not my intention; it's incidental that what bothers me might be personal to you. And I apologize for that, but thus is the nature of blogging. I think that bloggers need to have some freedom to express their feelings and opinions otherwise we'd just stop blogging.
And I'm not perfect. I will never be perfect. I don't think I'm perfect and I don't want to be perfect. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing about what I feel. It's my outlet, my art, my place to vent.
So I won't apologize for that.
I'm just me! Flaws and all, writing about all my flaws and feelings so that others can connect and we can share our stories.
Thus is the power of writing.
2 days ago