Monday, January 10, 2011

falling down

So the other day, my friends and I made our way to downtown Portland to finally check out the new H&M.

Before I tell your the real story, I have to tell you how much I love H&M. I mean, when I learned there was no H&M in Portland, it was almost a deal breaker. But then I learned that one would eventually open and I decided to settle. Life is all about compromise, is it not?

Why do I love H&M? Well, their stuff is adorable. And it fits me (which is huge) and is reasonably priced. It's my store.

It wasn't always the case. Used to be, they were only in Europe and I'd hear tell of this fabulous store from my cousin who lived in Spain. I stepped foot in my first H&M when I went to New York in 2002. And I was instantly hooked. Then when I lived in Paris, I also lived in H&M. As I walked the streets of Paris, my ass whittling down to nothing and my American jeans hanging off of me, H&M (pronounced osh ay em in French) provided all my new clothing on my small budget.

By the time I got home to California, H&Ms were finally opening on the west coast. First San Francisco then Los Angeles and the finally more inland. The last few years, I've been spoiled by having an H&M somewhat nearby.

So you can imagine how excited I was for this new store. We walked inside, I took in the splendor, noticed there were concrete steps down into the store, and promptly fell down them.

It was horrifyingly slo-mo. Just when I thought I was done falling, nope, no I wasn't. I just kept going. As a group of people sat and watched me tumble, my friends behind me with nothing they could do. My dignity was hurt of course, and my ankle started aching.

In a more witty moment, I may have gotten up and bowed. Instead I shook it off like a champ.

See, I fall down quite a bit. I can't imagine I haven't blogged about this before, but even if I have, too damn bad. Read it again and like it. Thaaaaat's a good reader.

I have a theory that all dancers are clumsy because we use up all our grace dancing. There's none left for real life. That's certainly been true for me.

I can't tell you how many times I've fallen up and down the stairs in my house. Usually up. I fell down the stairs to my office at my last job at least once a month. Fell down the steps to the Admin building at my university more times than I can count. They've finally fixed those wobbly steps, but it was too late for me. 

When I worked in Hollywood, I managed a large Victoria's Secret at a chi-chi mall. You may know it. It was two stories with a marble staircase. A slippery marble staircase. And as I'd run up those stairs to deal with another asshole customer, I'd fall. More often than I'd like.

In my defense, it was really the stair's fault. Once, I was standing in the foyer of the store and greeted a customer cheerily as he entered with his plastic girlfriend (she wasn't a blowup doll, she was just from Hollywood.). He proceeded to mock my voice and go up the stairs, which he promptly fell down.

Sometimes karma's a bitch. And sometimes I love her.

I hardly wear heels anymore. And pairing me with heels and alcohol? Never a good idea. I once tumbled down the steps of a somewhat hip Hollywood bar (I was maybe 23 at the time), breaking a heel and inciting the laughter of the very hot yet very douchey bouncer.

There is a reason women give up heels for sensible shoes. Safety.

I fell down a lot in my teen years too.

I was on dance team in high school, obviously, which they morphed into a color guard which sucked monkey ass, but which afforded me the chance to learn flags which was actually pretty fun. Anyway, it was the first football game of the year and we were performing at half-time in the most hideous Chiquita banana costume monstrosities. Embarrassing enough, yes? Between numbers, I was to kneel down and switch flags. Simple enough. Oh no. Not simple at all. Instead of kneeling, my foot slipped on the grass and I ended up face first in the ground in front of a cackling cheer leading squad and my ex boyfriend.

I faked a sprained ankle the rest of the week. Gotta turn those cackles to sympathy right?

Senior year, that same ex boyfriend gave my friends and I a ride to school in his very cool sports car. Don't ask me what kind. It was black and two-door. I don't give a shit about cars unless they were made before 1932. Just kidding, I don't even really care then. I just think they look cool.

ANYWAY, so I sat in the backseat and the ex opened the door to let me out and pushed the front seat forward. So then of course I trip over the seat belt and end up face-first in the asphalt. He graciously helped me up without laughing and then I killed myself.

I also tripped at my high school graduation. Once again, slipped on the damn football field grass (they really have to stop watering the grass) as I was walking to accept my fake piece of paper that was rolled to look like a diploma. But that time I caught myself before landing on my face and then took a large bow. I was a huge hit.

(So I just realized this whole paragraph I also wrote about tripping at my college graduation was erased. That means the photo below now makes no sense. All you need to know is that I tripped, but managed not to fall. Hooray)

I'm happy I didn't fall on my face
But by now? I'm never phased by my wobbles. It happens. To me. A lot.

As a dancer, I've had many sprained ankles. I'm ashamed to admit more of those due to tumbles outside of dance class than in.

I take my calcium, because I don't want to be the 30 year old lady with a broken hip. I fear for my elderly years.

Maybe I'll just invest in a wheelchair now. Just to be safe.

23 comments mean you love me:

Oilfield Trash said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am clumsy as well. I didn't trip at graduation, but I did trip at the rehearsal.

Brandy Rose said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm constantly hurting myself. It never fails, at least once a day.

Ali said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Your ass got smaller in France? Mine got ten pounds heavier--my ass was walking, but it was also ingesting things like pain au chocolat et coissants aussi. Damn you and your skinny self. I lost that ten pounds within a week of returning to the US. Nothing tasted as good here.

Also--H&M rules. I am a woman with a 34 inch inseam clocking in at 5 feet 10 inches tall. I either shop for my Amazon body a) in the men's section, b) at Lucky Brand for their extra longs (and extra expensives) or c) at H&M. I feel ya.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

OT- I'd say the rehearsal was the better time to trip. well done. :)

Brandy- right? do you find mystery cuts and bruises too?

Ali- I was eating all the goodies! I just think it was the damn death stairs. my ass couldn't keep up.

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

H&M rules..of course I am biased as it is Swedish. I still call it Hennes as H&M stands for Hennes & Maurice... which means Hers & Maurice's... do not ask me why. Just some trivia. :)

Falling down...well I perfected "the falling of bicycle cos I was going way too fast for that turn"... a lot when I was younger. We fall becausec we want to be closer to Mother Earth... literally. :D

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Nush, you rock my world. I am so stoked to know what H&M stands for. I did know it was Swedish. let's be honest, when it comes to clothes and furniture, Sweden rocks. :)

I have crashed my bike so many times by taking a turn too fast. yeash.

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

OK, more things we have in commond.

I was a dancer.
I've been to an H&M in Spain.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm telling ya, Liz, we're like soul mates. <3

Shnerfle said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm not allowed to wear heels anymore unless I have someone to hold on to.

Once I fell off the sidewalk, broke my ankle & cut my hand so badly that I needed 5 stitches.

I cracked my tailbone falling down my stairs. On. My. Ass.

I'm Polish and Blondish and dude, it's just a nasty combination.

See you in the ER. xoxo

meleah rebeccah said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh that's so embarrassing. Im a super clutz so tripping and falling are nearly daily events for me!

"I have a theory that all dancers are clumsy because we use up all our grace dancing. There's none left for real life."

I like that theory. I like it a lot.

Oh, and H&M is one of my FAVORITE stores!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Lori- word. bring your hip cream!

meleah- it's because you're too graceful. :)

Scott said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That's why I took up the tuba in 5th grade. So as not to have to be in the color guard later.

Clumsiness aside, steps down INTO a store seems unwise. Not very ergonomic. Unexpected. Maybe I don't go to enough stores.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

yeah it is odd. however, I saw the stairs and still fell down them, my fail.

Lizzy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

#1) are you telling me if i go to france, my ass will get smaller? Bc I'll start saving money now.
#2) I fall up stairs alll the friggin time. Isn't it ridiculous?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I think if you do, you have to live at the top of a building without an elevator. I think that was my secret.

and I know right? dude.

Laura said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh my god! There are OTHERS!! I was this person in high school, and it hasn't gotten much better.

My current thing is turning my ankle while walking on level surfaces. In shoes that aren't more than an inch off the ground. :D

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

we should start a support group! people who fall down for no good reason. :)

google ankle strengthening exercises for dancers. should protect those ankles.

Satan said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hey twin...
"I have a theory that all dancers are clumsy because we use up all our grace dancing. There's none left for real life."

EXACTLY THIS. it's so true. in face my entire ballet studio called it the ballerina's curse, my teacher included.
my reasoning is that because we're taught to never look at the floor NO MATTER WHAT, we carry that on into real life... and then bump into chairs, stairs, coffee tables... you name it.

but on the bright side, i'm still really flexible, and my plies look great?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

YES! I knew I was right! except I'm SO not that flexible anymore. years of injuries and just getting old. I should say AGING dancer. ;)

Simon said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

There is a fine art with styling a fall, it must not look like a style but must be dramatic enough to distract from the stumble. If you can master this your ass is saved.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

yeah I think my ass is screwed.

we hate you. love, us said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

"I have a theory that all dancers are clumsy because we use up all our grace dancing. There's none left for real life. That's certainly been true for me."

That's SOOO me!!! I'm such a mess. I fall/trip/knock into stuff all. the. time. It's awful. But then I could look amazing gorgeous and graceful in ballet class. I just don't get it. I will fall in flip flops all the time, but someone manage to be graceful in heels. It's bizarre. But I'm glad I'm not alone.

And I'm glad you got an H&M. I can't live without that store.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I knew I loved you!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...