Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Slut Shaming E-Cards

What can I say? I hate slut shaming. This is not okay. Sex isn't bad and it doesn't make women "nasty." Can we stop shaming women who like sex? Can we already?

Ugg.

An Open Letter

Lovely readers, I know I haven't written in a while and I promise I'll get you a life update post soon. But first? I have to say some things. 

Dear GOP, Christian Right, and especially you, Rush Limbaugh,

Aside from being misogynistic pricks, you're behaving completely batshit. And I don't approve. I have several points to make and I need you to shut your never-ending chatter and actually listen.

First of all, stop calling women sluts and whores. It's disgusting enough when you persist with the name-calling in order to avoid any sort of logical rhetoric, but when you attack individual women, especially as representative of blanket female behavior, you really sink into new depths of depravity. You think we're bad? Your behavior trumps any amount of sex we're having, believe me.

But your actual behavior belies your hateful sewage that seems to spill out every time you speak. Because you guys can't seem to get enough of the sexy ladies. So which is it, people? Would you like us to be virgins or whores? Time to choose.

Or maybe it's some adolescent grudge against women because you just couldn't get a girl way back when. Well, it's time to grow up and let that go. We're not the enemy. You're your own enemy.

And don't get me started on you women who hate women. Must I quote Mean Girls? Don't make it okay for men to call us sluts and whores. You're undermining your own sex and putting the hard work of all the strong women before us back 50 to 100 years. What's next? Repeal suffrage?

But back to my sluttiness. It's none of your goddamn business who I have sex with and how often. Just because I get laid does not make me worthy of your derision. Sex is not bad. It's not. No matter how guilty you feel every time you have it (or wish you had it). And you should want me to have access to affordable contraception because I am positive that you don't want to pay for my disability when I contract AIDS (because I couldn't get condoms) or to feed my children that I can't support (condoms or the pill) or, and try not to die of a heart attack, my abortion. Getting me and women everywhere access to these services helps your economy and the oh-so-dreaded government spending. Getting women access to contraception prevents abortions. Why is that so hard to understand?

Moreover, if I get this right, your problem is that you don't want to pay for women's health services (like contraception). You say that if the government pays for it, that makes women prostitutes. Hrm. Setting aside that that is probably the most illogical argument I've heard in a long time (I mean, I can't even make that make some sort of sense), I actually think that the government should start regulating prostitution, get prostitutes tested, provide them with health care and contraception. But I realize that's too much of a stretch for your very closed minds.

But back to the pill and it's contribution to sluts everywhere. You clearly don't understand how the pill works, so let me 'splain it to you. In order for it to work, you have to take it every day. Understand? Every day. You don't just take it when you have sex, you just take it every day. You don't take more when you have sex, you just take it every day. The cost is the same if you have sex once in a year or 365 days. It's the same.

Also, and this is going to blow your mind, say we use your term "slut" to mean women who have sex with different partners. Well, those women might take the pill, but I guaran-fucking-tee that they're using condoms. Why? Because this is 2012 and this is the age of AIDS and no one wants to die. Who doesn't use condoms? People who aren't educated in why and how to use them, people who don't have access to condoms, people who only had abstinence-only education in school? So who is spreading STDs and HIV? That's right, those same people. And when they contract AIDS, who is going to pay for their health care (because they're now not eligible for private insurance and they're probably too sick to work so they're on social security), oh yeah, the government. Which you hate so much, but which seems to pay your paycheck so nicely.

But yeah, most women who just use the pill are actually in committed relationships. So there goes your slut theory. Yet even women in committed relationships need affordable access to contraception. Why, you ask? Because not everyone has your millions. Because not everyone can afford to or wants to feed 12 children because they couldn't get the pill. And don't even suggest that these women are sluts for having sex with their boyfriends or husbands. If you really think that it's reasonable for couples to be celibate except in the effort of procreation, you're really bigger hypocrites than I thought.

And don't get me started on overpopulation. Once again, do you really want more children born onto this planet? Or, better yet, into the system? You don't want to pay for welfare, for food stamps, then get your heads out of your asses and provide contraception.

But I'm not done. Because there's a whole 'nother group of us women who take the pill but not for contraception, who take the pill because it's medically necessary. I am a mess. My ovaries have persistent cysts, my uterus is tipped, and I have Endometriosis. I need the hormones to regulate my body and to help with the pain. So I take the pill (every day, just like we discussed). I have for years. I can't imagine living without it. Does that make me a slut? Does that make me morally questionable? But it's the pill and I bet my bottom dollar that any insurance company just looks at that prescription and doesn't see that it's medically necessary; all it sees is THE PILL. And if we allow insurance companies to not cover what they deem morally questionable, women like me could be screwed (that word choice was deliberate).

Morally questionable. Now it seems like a good idea to you. But what if your insurance company is run by a religion that deems medicine morally questionable, or blood transfusions, or  vaccines? Or, GASP, Viagra? Chew on that for a bit. Then get back to me.

Also: as always, a reminder that while you may think this is a Christian nation, nowhere in the Constitution is there a national religion. In the contrary, we have separation of church and state. So keep your church out of my uterus and my vagina.

I realize this post is going to get a lot of heated comments. I will not be responding to them, however. I've stated my views. Feel free to debate, but please keep it civil.

Margaritas, Weed, and Slut Signals

So I guess this is the point where I write a very witty post and have the entire Internet drowning in tears of laughter. Except I am suffering a mild case of writer's block. I have feelings. I do. And I'd want to write about them if I had any urge other than eat a lot of food (well, hello cookies and cream ice cream, where have you been all my life?) and watch episode after episode of Weeds.

Not that I've been sitting at home all week (after work) just watching Netflix and stuffing my face. That's just what I'm doing right now. Last night, I got to go out to dinner with a long-time friend Laura and we gorged ourselves on delicioso Mexican food and drank one too many margaritas, which would have been fine if the 2nd one hadn't been so damn strong.

Point to note: Tequila and Andrea don't mix.

I wasn't drunk, but tequila makes me sick to my stomach. So after dinner, I held my queasy belly and watched episodes of Weeds. Damn that show is awesome! How had I not discovered it up 'til now?

Where was I? Oh right, dinner with my friend. Laura is total awesome sauce and I've pretty much though she was the bees knees since senior year high school drama class. Hells yeah. Sometimes there is nothing better than greasy food, alcohol, and chatting with a girl you've known forever about your slutty days (I'm not sure which of us was sluttier. It was a close call.).

Note: we are old ladies now (Happy 30th, Laura! I'm right behind ya!) and have left our slutty days behind us. Maybe it takes until your late twenties to realize that quality not quantity is a saying for a reason. I thought I should point this out since I know how all manwhores have sonar for the word "slut" and come running like Batman to the Bat Signal. Like a Slut Signal.  And I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up.

Um yeah.

So I work long ass days all weekend so I won't be posting until Sunday most likely. Unless perchance I get home one night with the overwhelming urge to write and then I'll just post like a blogger on meth. It will blow your mind, because you won't be expecting it. 

You'll be like, man, that crazy lady is blowin' my mind with all this unexpected posting right now! 

I know, your friends will say, she's like a some kind of blogging diva. 

And I'll bask in my glory. 

Of course, that prob won't happen since I'll be dragging my ass to bed the minute I get home. If I remember to wash my face and/or brush my teeth, someone should give me a medal. But that won't happen because I live alone. And all my cats care about is that I feed them. Asshole cats.