shit just got real

Have you guys missed me?

I'm still sans computer (borrowing my roommates' as they are out for the evening) for the 7th day in a row and it's making me lose my ever lovin' mind! You know, more than usual.

It's ridic. The Apple store told me 3-5 days to get my computer back and I've been checking with them since day 5. How long does it take to repair this apparently tiny problem? I swear to all things unholy! And it's not just the lack of amusement I miss (though the distraction from the stress of my cat's cancer would be great), But I make my living off my computer. So I'm also losing money.

I also got the results of Jete's biopsy. Fibrosarcoma. Her appointment with the oncologist isn't until a week from Saturday. She's healing well (she's been in some pain from the biopsy) and is groggy and sleeping a lot. It's hard to see my outgoing cat sleep in the closet all day or under my bed, but I'm trying to leave her be. It breaks my heart though.

Yesterday, it all accumulated and I literally thought I might lose it. One of my best friends, Morgan, called to talk about her upcoming wedding details (yay! I can finally say something!) and a huge part of me wanted to be giggly and happy and the friend she needs (and I'm sooooooo happy for her!), but I was feeling so low that I started feeling a little schizo faking it. She deserves genuine laughs and I couldn't supply those.

I couldn't brave face it anymore. Couldn't hold anything in. I just flipped out. Cried my ass off for a bit. Turned off my phone.

Then I turned it back on and called my older cousin who'd lost her pug to brain cancer a few years ago. She let me cry, empathised as only someone who has lost a pet can, and gave me some really practical advice. Then she told me to let myself have a drink and relax and be a little selfish.

Best. Advice. Ever.

So I drove and bought some Fat Tires (because I drink so little I didn't have some wine or beer in the house), waited 15 minutes while the cashier told me his life story, bought a nice, greasy cheeseburger, and came home and indulged while I watched some movies (the old fashioned way, on an actual TV!). Sometimes it's the little indulgences.

I awoke this morning feeling sooo much better. Life is the same. Jete still has cancer. My computer is still in the mac hospital. I'm still broke as fuck and trying to figure out how I will fund my life and Jete's treatment. But I really needed to cry and feel shitty and then have a good beer and some fatty food and turn off my brain before I would feel better.

But you guys have been so insanely, unbelievably supportive. Thank you so much for the lovely comments and emails and tweets. And to those who have donated, I appreciate every dollar more than you'll ever know! You guys are so generous even when you can only give a little or your own pets are sick. Your unbridled support and generosity has completely floored me, humbled me. You renew my faith in humanity.

A word on prayers: my dad (who is Mormon) said he'd pray for Jete and then added: also to Buddha or whoever it is you want me to pray to! Isn't that cute? But here's the thing. I appreciate your prayers. Your good thoughts. Your positive energy. I may not believe in a god. But I believe in good will. Whoever you pray to is just what my furbaby needs. It doesn't matter that we all believe in different things; what matters is the kind act. Whether it's a prayer or not. So thank you.

If you're still interested in donating, the box is still up there and will remain up until her treatment is paid for. Even if you cannot give, I appreciate your support, advice, kind words. I'm looking for others online whose cats (or dogs) have had vaccine-related sarcomas. If you hear of anyone, please point them my way. I'd like to hear how they treated their pets.

such stuff as psychos are made on

Oh my fucking computer drama.

Where do I begin? Where do I even begin?

Okay, what day was it? Saturday? Yup, Saturday.

So Saturday I'm doing my thing. Having the computer fun. When my MacBook goes "EEP" and shuts off. 

*breathe in* *breathe out*

So I power it up and the screen is insanely dim. I can type and move the cursor, but I can't see anything on the screen and the brightness level is at full. 

HUMPH.

So I manually restart. And this time? The screen is all sorts of awesome, but my keyboard is on some kind of acid trip. The caps lock is having its own techno party. The A and 1 keys have completely gone on strike and when you hit any of the other keys, they start repeating like they're painting the alphabet across the sky.

And did I mention my computer is password protected? Oh yeah. So I can't even log in.

Right.

So I get a late appointment at the Genius Bar and take my baby in. At this point, I am just trying to remain calm. I need my computer. I committed to a freelance gig with my old employer and this week is full of online conference calls in prep for a big project happening next week in Kansas City. I need my computer. 

The Genius, whom I'll call Mark because I can't remember his name and he looks like a Mark or maybe a Seth, tells me it's probably the keyboard and top casing unless there's damage underneath, but I'll need to leave it with him for 1 to 3 days. Mini-panic attach and I hand over my baby. 

Sunday morning (way earlier than I'd anticipated), another Mac Genius calls me and is all, "how are you today?" And I'm all, "I'll be awesome if you've fixed my baby." And he's all, "It's fixed. Come get it this afternoon." And I'm all, "I love you. Please marry me." And he just laughs nervously.

Anywayyyy.

So I pick her up and they'd replaced the keyboard and top casing and display bezel. And she works great and I but her a new pink condom to make sure that she doesn't get sick again (always compute safely!). And I take my fam to the airport this morning and get back and settle in for my online conference call at noon. And, I shit you not, my keyboard and mouse freeze five fucking minutes before the call! I swear to jeebus and shiva and all things unholy that's what happened.

Cue: me stabbing my eyeballs out because I just can't witness this bullshit any longer.

Right. So I call the Geniuses and they can't get me in until tomorrow. UNTIL TOMORROW! 

*sigh*

I really want to be positive and these guys are all super nice and I officially now know two loverly people who work for Apple (though neither of which are techies). But oh em eff gee why couldn't they just squeeze me IN? My theory is that the replacement parts weren't totally installed correctly. Soooo couldn't I just drop it off and you can fix it in the queue? No? 

*sigh*

And how am I posting right now? Oh I'll tell you how. I will tell you how, by golly and gosh and goulash. 

I went out (at Sexy Man's cajoling) (pee ess, isn't cajole an awesome word?) to the Goodwill and purchased a keyboard and mouse. Which is so a temporary fix. I certainly can't take my laptop like this with me to Kansas City. And it's kind of sucking as well since I have like no furniture and I'm now balancing all the extra equipment on my lapdesk on my pile of floor blankets and sleeping bag because, oh yeah, I sleep on the floor now. Suck city, sweetheart (that line was for you, Coco!). 

This is my life.

Urf.

So I'm dropping my baby off with the Geniuses tomorrow where I predict yet again that I won't see her for 1 to 3 days. Which means I will not be blogging much unless I find an alternate computer at my disposal or they fix Mac early.

PS
If you can identify where quote which I bastardized for the title of this post came from? You get a prize! What prize? Well, you'll be my new best friend. That's a job a million girls would die for*.

*I'm on fire with the quotes today! Where is Coco when I need her?