I am just not exited about 2011. This was supposed to be the year everything finally went well. 2010 sucked sweaty, hairy monkey ass so it can only get better right?
Except I can't keep thinking that this could be the year I lose my furbaby. The year I watch her get sick and watch her get destroyed by cancer. It breaks my heart. I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I know that she could still get an operation and that her life could conceivably be long and happy.
But today? Today I feel like grieving. Today I am sad.
Today I am convinced no one reads this damn blog. Convinced it's all for nothing. Convinced I'll never make money this way. Never make money off of my writing. (Does anyone have advice for selling ad space?)
Bleh.
Either that or I start my period in a week.
Either way, I feel shitty.
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How is this fair:
I live in Portland now. Obviously. A place that gets cold in the winter. Duh. A place that isn't known for snow, but for rain, but I was told that is does get snow. Sometimes. It does.
I left Southern California this summer. For the cooler weather of Portland. Yet So Cal has been getting snow. My dad said they got several inches of snow last night. Now, to be fair, my dad lives in the desert where it gets ass cold in the winter. But I've heard of snow in Inland So Cal, in Orange County too! What the hell?
Yet no snow in my neighborhood. It's gotten icy. And quite fucking cold. But snow? Nada.
Not fucking fair.
In my egocentric mind, I have to assume this is California's play to get me to move back. Only logical explanation.
Either that, or global warming. I guess that could be it. But it's more likely that it's about me amIright?
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It is the time of year where you prove your love to me. Aren't you excited? You get to pull me out of my shitty ass mood. No pressure though.
But don't worry, not all of you have to participate.
Only those of you who are bloggesr 30 or over and already are or are willing to (and why the hell wouldn't you?) become a member of Studio 30+ have to make my day.
It is time to nominate me for a Boomerang Award. I have never asked you guys to vote for anything. Nope. Never. But now? Is the time.
Now is the time to show me that you want me to keep blogging. That you appreciate what I do here every single fucking day.
And there are several categories in which you could nominate me. Yes, you lucky ducks, you could nominate me for more than one. Best Photo Blog comes to mind. Or Funniest Blogger (even though, I know, I'm sometimes not very funny). Or Best Female Blog. Or Best Blog Title. Or or or.
Just be creative. You love me, I know you do. I know you want to go show me just how much.
Yes. I am begging. I am competitive. I need an award to prove just how valuable I am. SO GO VOTE!
You have until January 15. So I would just do it now.
*sigh*
And besides, if you're not a member of Studio 30+, you should be. Simple as that.
Thank you. I love you guys in my panties.
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Also coming up is the next Raw Photos Contest! The Theme is Your Best so get your cameras out and shoot something awesome. Or pour through your old shots and find your best shots.
Submissions open Jan 9 and run for a week.
Then voting will be open for a week...since you guys will be voting on the winners! We'll explain how voting will work as submissions close.
Complete rules are here.
I expect you all to participate!
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I usually hate those memes where they take a photo of a celeb and photoshop him or her into random shots. But this? Made me laugh.
Hehe. Cracker. Hehe. Snort.
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On an up note, did I tell you guys I got my new camera? A Nikon D50. Used. From eBay.
I am using totally in manual mode, mostly because I'm not satisfied with what it will do in auto mode and am having so much fun playing with ISO and aperture and white balance.
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Alright forget all the shit I said at the start. I still feel cranky. But I don't want any reassurances of my worth. I just want to eat chocolate and laugh.
Crazy lady out.
Posts
26 comments mean you love me:
Okay, alright, okay.
I feel ya and your 2011 crabbiness.
Could be because its January (and therefore only DAYS until my 32nd year.
Could be because I moved from South Florida to the frozen fucking tundra that is England five years ago and am finally starting to regret my decision.
(Okay not really, but I needed a dramatic statement.)
Anyway, I voted, as directed.
Just so you know.
- B x
I was going to nominate you, but you were already nominated, so I was going to DOUBLE nominate you, but you were already double nominated, so I TRIPLE nominated you. Or maybe it was quadruple nominated? I don't know. All I know is that there were a whole bunch of people who love you nominating your ass and I'm one of them!
I totally get why you are so excited about ISO and aperture and white balance. It makes me happy, in my pants. I'll be submitting a photo for your contest. IF I can take a decent one.
I hope 2011 turns around for you.
And I hope you ate chocolate.
Girl, you really are crazy! Why in the world would you wish for snow? We got a few inches here in Seattle about a month ago and it shut the city the F down. Well, it is kinda hilly here....
Congrats on the camera! Can't wait to see more photos.
Heehee....."cracker".
If you want to hang out and be cranky, I'm your gal. I'm trying to quit smoking...again. I'm seven different colors of cranky right now.
Kisses to your kitter-cat.
SF
I don't know if you realize this but I already nominated you for a Boomerang for your awesome photography. So if that doesn't make you shit snow then I don't know what else to say. I read your blog and you're currently motivating me to write about sex (Oh, the horror!) so that says something :)
B- you are the bestest! <3 let's be cranky together.
Jen O- my love, you rock hard! muah!
Jen- thanks so much! xo
Heather- I just want a little snow. so we can have so pretty for a bit. and you have a deal! good luck with the quitting smoking.
Michele- I did see! you rock of course. <3
I think the crabiness thing is going around. I had it last week, a couple of others wrote about it today. At least we're all miserable together ;)
yes we are! misery loves company.
I'm here. And I read. Because you're awesome. (As is your new camera) And I would totally join your cool girls club. But sadly you discriminate against us younger set.
Im feeling the SAME WAY. Very cranky, and moody, and probably suffering from a raging case of PMS.
Going to vote for you now!
SO, um, if I touched off this mood with my sobbing about my dog yesterday, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I'm still angry that she's gone and whenever I see a pet issue I get into a state and probably shouldn't start writing or talking. It's hard to get through the Stages of Grief when they all hit immediately and then won't go away.
I have a heavy olde metal Canon camera from the '60s that I got for College that does absolutely NOTHING automatically except respond to the pull of gravity, it's awesome. But it takes "film" (a cellulite strip on which "negatives" would appear that were "developed" with chemicals but couldn't be "deleted" without "burning" them and the way people act, you'd think came along six months after glass-plate "dauguerrotypes" which had to be "discontinued" after they made Abraham Lincoln age dramatically after each photo was taken in "a" short "four" year period). That is an improper use of apostrophes. Yes, people, it's a long-ass comment, no one's making you read it, keep scrolling, you'll get to yours down there. There's no comment length rule. Is there a comment length rule?
And I only became a follower a couple weeks ago, and you're gonna give it up now? You're worried no one reads your blog and that you'll never make money off your writing? I can relate to that.
Anything you can fail,
I can fail better,
I can fail anything better than you
(yes I can, yes I can, yes I caaaaaaan).
Don'tcha love when people tell you how good you're writing is and say you should write for a living, but it's not anybody who has any pull or influence? And people who have the pull and influence tell ya you're writing IS good and they love it, so they aren't going to buy it or pass it on.
That's what a buyer at Warner Brothers told me about one of my scripts, sorta. Her words were, "I like this a lot better than some of the stuff we've already bought." She turned it down because she was new at WB and wasn't willing to take any risks. Risks? Her...job...is to buy...scripts...she likes.
I've had the sister of the owner of the NY Times hand her brother my work, you cannot not succeed if the owner's sister asks him to publish you. "Not our kind of thing."
Just keep scrollin' next commenter, I'll be done when I'm done. Was recently told by a big studio that my latest script was really good, but true dark comedies about 18th Century bodysnatchers aren't something people will wanna see (hey, 'twas only 3 years research!) and that another script was funny too, but there aren't enough hockey fans to want to see a movie about Zamboni drivers. That last one also had the interest of an Emmy-winning writer-director who abruptly and oddly, vanished entirely within a day of his e-mail telling me to call him. And of course, Alec Baldwin agreed to read a script of mine, but I blew that chance by holding off to polish it one more time. Who knew Kim Basinger was that close to hoppin' on the crazy train and leaving him?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be worried about not succeeding. You couldn't possibly fail as spectacularly as me. Hmm. That almost sounds like boasting. When you start to boast that you're a better failure than others, that's probably not a good sign, huh.
Um, so maybe that'll make you feel a little better? I would also point out that if you'd loved me in your panties, I know I'd remember that, so...I'm just sayin' I think that's not entirely accurate and may need to be fact-checked or something. Ha ha.
Now, as a person in my thirties, I'll go join your studio club and vote for you...okay, it's over people, next comment begin...NOW!
It's ok to be cranky and feel sad. You are definitely entitled to do so.
I'm going to vote for you; is that a bit o' happy?
Eating chocolate and laughs sounds like an excellent way to deal with all the blues to me. Nothing beats chocolate and laughs really.
Yup, did the vote thing on Studio30. Am crap with forums but looked interesting so will have a few more looks.
Newish camera sounds like fun. Looking forward to see the results.
Megan- thanks for the thought anyway. you'll be an oldie one day soon enough. :)
meleah- let's PMS together! yay! and thanks!!!
Scott- short response to your long comment: thank you. I have no intention of quitting. just had a moment of cranky. it happens. and I also shoot on film. I do know what it is.
Liz- thanks, woman! that's exactly what cranky pants are for yes? you are SO the best! <3
Nush- you are so awesome! going to go find you on there now. muah!
I read your blog but your blog's worth shouldn't be valued by awards. I had a posting on my blog where I made peace with the fact that I will prob not win any major award and I'm ok with that. Also, you don't want people to do things out of pity or guilt. So I will continue to read your blog because I enjoy it and do it because you love doing it. The reward is in the unseen.
you know, Israel, it was hyperbole. kidding. exaggeration for comedic effect.
if you don't want to vote for me, don't. but don't give me a life lesson as to why you won't. also, don't tell me what to do on my blog. mmk, pumpkin?
It is totally ok to be cranky. No need to apologize! I know it is really hard when your pet has cancer. I follow you on twitter and now here on your blog and I know how difficult this has been for you. You and Jete have been in my thoughts and prayers. Cancer suxs. I found out 2 months ago my beloved little dog has/had cancer and it devastated me. Things will get better. They always do. Just hang in there. If you need to vent, vent! It will make you feel better. You true blog followers wont care and will be here for you.
also, AO, I am trying to figure out who you are on twitter. do I already follow you? let me know! :)
Dude, is that cracker Keanu?
DUDE, yesss!
Ahhhh hahahaha!!! I didn't realize that was Keanu!! Hil-ar-i-ous!!!!
oh yes. hilarity indeed!
leaving much love for you here, in your little square!
i had a cranky day too today, which was partially made better by ohio st kicking arkansas' ass...
i don't give a shit about football, but i had a bunch of arkansas customers today in my club and they were RUDE.
(no offense to non-rude arkansas peeps)
anyway, all this to say, ::hug::
Dude, word on the cranky-ness, I believe all of us females are in sync this month and the PMS backlash is a brutal mother fucker! God help any man in the midst of this hormone tornado!
Satan- boo to rude customers. let's be cranky together.
Betty- I think you're right! the men should all just shut up and hide now.
might sound slightly corny, but if you have time, visit petloss.com, there are tons of people there to support you. i went there a lot when my dogs were sick, and after they passed to help me with my grieving. grieving sucks. but nobody should have to do it alone.
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