Want To Get Skinny Fast?
Life can be unfair when it comes to doling out physical genetics. Some people, it seems, get all the luck. But not you! You try to do the right thing, try to eat right and follow through on that exercise plan, but you get busy and life takes over. You’re not too happy with your reflection in the bathroom mirror.
And now summer has arrived. So what do you do to lose weight? Whatever it is, if you want to look good, you’d better do it quick. But there’s a secret to losing weight effectively. It’s all in how you view the task at hand. You need to get rejected.
Great Way To Lose Pounds!
Tip #1: Get started today. No sense in lamenting what has already occurred. You are what you are. It is what it is. The weight is stuck on you until you do something about it. Get rejected today. Works every time!
Tip #2: Get heartbroken. It doesn't matter how severe. From rejection by some fugly at the bar to a small heartshake to the breakup of a long-term relationship or even divorce, rejection is proven to shed pounds fast. Heartbreak = loss of appetite and loss of appetite = you can be the thin you you've always wanted.
Tip #3: You may have to get drastic. It's not easy to get rejected sometimes, but this is a lifestyle, not a diet. If you're single, find a douchebag and get all clingy. If you're taken, do what you have to to get your ass to the curb (warning: breaking HIS heart severely may come with consequences, so stick with being annoying, not cruel.).
Stop Struggling With Your weight!
Tip #4: If you're not hurt enough, you may be tempted to eat. So really delve into your pain. Don't wash your hair, stay in bed all day, and cry as much as possible. And don't forget to rehash every minute of every conversation and catalogue all of your flaws. If you must eat something, try an M&M or a Starburst instead. All these activities are proven to suppress appetite. And no appetite means less calories and less calories mean you lose weight!
Tip #5: Don’t compare yourself to success stories. You aren't Sandra Bullock. You don't have a team of people to berate you or paparrazzi to humiliate you into not eating. You know what works best for you and it's up to you to make it happen. Many people choose a breakup buddy, but choose this person wisely. If he or she encourages you to eat your feelings, they are not supporting your weight loss goals.
Bottom line? Weight loss is intensely personal. It’s not easy. It doesn’t happen by accident. You must treat your efforts with commitment and focus. Without an investment on your part, these 5 fast weight loss tips will not create the kind of result you’re hoping for. But with a good commitment and consistent effort, you will be well on your way to a better, slimmer, less fat body.
Still need convincing? With just a little heartshake, you too can look like me:
*Results not typical. Not for those who eat their feelings. If you eat when upset, you are likely to gain weight and never meet a man again. And no one likes the fatties.
**Not actually starving myself. I don't want any calls from my friends trying to get me to eat.
***Good lord, it's just a blog. It's not that serious. Laugh a little, losers.
****Totally took like 50% of this from an actual weight loss ad. Jeebus I lobe Ahmereeca!