Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sexy Saturdays: I like to WIN


People? You don't know what lucky ducks you are. Today one of my fave people is here posting on mah leetle ol' blog! Miss KLZ of Taming Insanity is my blogging idol. I've decided I'm going to be her when I grow up, so I hope she's okay with that. She's a Don in the Nerd Mafia, for one, but she's also one of the nicest most down to earth people you'll ever meet on The Grand Internets. Her blog is a constant source of amusement, whether she's talking about her insanely adorable little boy or smacking down a funny subject with rapier wit. She calls herself a sarcastic pain in the ass. I call her a sarcasm goddess. Too much? Nope. AND? She rocks the reindeer antlers. For realsies.

I'm sure you're going to love her as much as I do. It's impossible not to. Check out her fabulous blog, and follow her on the Twitter and Facebook. Enjoy!

I was thrilled to find that Andy thought I was sexy enough to guest post on Sexy Saturday. But when I started to think about it, I was a bit overwhelmed.

You see, my husband would murder me dead if he found out I was talking about our sex life in detail on the big ol' internet.

So, instead, I decided to focus on college.

Which, uh, was tough. I've only been with four guys in my life.

Hey now, pick your jaws up off the floor and stop judging. It's not that I'm a prude. Not really. It's that I like to WIN.

Most guys? When you sleep with them? Seem to think they've tricked you into something you never wanted. They act like they won the Sex Olympics and you will now doggedly chase their asses after you've gotten a taste of what they have to offer.

I can't stand that shit.

So, I haven't been with a ton of guys. Because I didn't want to see the smug look on their faces when I ran into them later with their friends. I didn't want their friends nudging them or slapping them on the back.

And, most importantly, I didn't want any of them saying "she's into WHAT?" to each other.

So I slept with men I could trust. Which means, at least one wuss.

Or as David likes to say "You sure dated some losers before you met me." So clearly "winning" is a relative term.

The guy I finally gave it up to? Well, let's just say he had a hard time taking it. Or, maybe hard isn't the right word. It was a difficult task for him to accomplish.

He, uh, well, there's no delicate way to say it. He couldn't keep in the wind in his sails. Because his last girlfriend had traumatized him so much. By dumping him. Three years before.

I should have taken the hint and turned tail to run. But I didn't. I thought that would be insensitive of me. I was a total moron.

I'm not sure why my conviction to win at sex meant that somehow I had to give up everything else to men who didn't deserve me. Sure, they wouldn't bag to their friends about nailing me but...I wasn't bragging about nailing them either. Zero sum game.

Which makes me pretty fucking dumb.

Before I got married, I was lucky enough to realize I was acting like an idiot. I remedied that by taking a nice long break from sex.

Since getting married I've found that sex is a lot more fun when I'm not constantly suspicious that someone will be retelling this story later. But it's also a lot more fun when I can let go and be with someone who I actually respect.

15 comments mean you love me:

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh my Lord, KLZ.

That's all I have to say. :)

Random Girl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Nothing worse than no wind in the sails... makes me want to cry just thinking about it! Good for you for winning the one that matters, your self respect! Great post!

Ali said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Reason number 2,364 to love a strap-on: perpetual wind.

:0)

Crystal said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Excellent post!!! Poor guy...you must have been too much woman for him!!!

Ashley said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You're not dumb! You're awesome and even more awesome for writing this post. Much respect woman!

Natalie said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Yeah, what Ashley said! Good for you for being honest and just don't tell David about this post ;)

MiMi said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm with Liz. :)
lol

Booyah's Momma said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ooh, a Portland blogger! I always love finding someone in my neck of the woods.

You're a brave one, KLZ... talking about the deed!

I cringe when I think about some of the losers I dated before my husband. I think we're both lucky to have snagged winners after all that.

Sherri said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

KLZ, you crack me up!

And are you SURE he's not talking you up at work, bragging behind your back? Kinda makes you wonder, huh?!

You are such a competitor, you are.

lifeintheboomerlane said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Like you, I wanted to win. I've never heard anyone express it that way. Perfect.

Yuliya said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You are a braver woman than I, KLZ, tis true...you are also a funnier woman but that's just me sucking up.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thanks for reading, everyone!

thanks so much for posting, KLZ. so honored to have you over here!

The mad woman behind the blog said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

KLZ, you are one smart gal. Do you mind if I send my daughter your way when it's time for "The Talk."

This wouldn't be the place that I get to tell about Tom Thumb, is it? Maybe I've already said too much.

BTW, David is one lucky guy!

MrsJenB said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'd rather have a small number than a great big number...

Mom Went Crazy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

KLZ you're hilarious. You should have turned to run for sure. Three years before?? That is a serious issue! It kind of makes me want to laugh and feel sad at the same time!

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