2 years ago
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sexy Saturdays: I like to WIN
People? You don't know what lucky ducks you are. Today one of my fave people is here posting on mah leetle ol' blog! Miss KLZ of Taming Insanity is my blogging idol. I've decided I'm going to be her when I grow up, so I hope she's okay with that. She's a Don in the Nerd Mafia, for one, but she's also one of the nicest most down to earth people you'll ever meet on The Grand Internets. Her blog is a constant source of amusement, whether she's talking about her insanely adorable little boy or smacking down a funny subject with rapier wit. She calls herself a sarcastic pain in the ass. I call her a sarcasm goddess. Too much? Nope. AND? She rocks the reindeer antlers. For realsies.
I'm sure you're going to love her as much as I do. It's impossible not to. Check out her fabulous blog, and follow her on the Twitter and Facebook. Enjoy!
I was thrilled to find that Andy thought I was sexy enough to guest post on Sexy Saturday. But when I started to think about it, I was a bit overwhelmed.
You see, my husband would murder me dead if he found out I was talking about our sex life in detail on the big ol' internet.
So, instead, I decided to focus on college.
Which, uh, was tough. I've only been with four guys in my life.
Hey now, pick your jaws up off the floor and stop judging. It's not that I'm a prude. Not really. It's that I like to WIN.
Most guys? When you sleep with them? Seem to think they've tricked you into something you never wanted. They act like they won the Sex Olympics and you will now doggedly chase their asses after you've gotten a taste of what they have to offer.
I can't stand that shit.
So, I haven't been with a ton of guys. Because I didn't want to see the smug look on their faces when I ran into them later with their friends. I didn't want their friends nudging them or slapping them on the back.
And, most importantly, I didn't want any of them saying "she's into WHAT?" to each other.
So I slept with men I could trust. Which means, at least one wuss.
Or as David likes to say "You sure dated some losers before you met me." So clearly "winning" is a relative term.
The guy I finally gave it up to? Well, let's just say he had a hard time taking it. Or, maybe hard isn't the right word. It was a difficult task for him to accomplish.
He, uh, well, there's no delicate way to say it. He couldn't keep in the wind in his sails. Because his last girlfriend had traumatized him so much. By dumping him. Three years before.
I should have taken the hint and turned tail to run. But I didn't. I thought that would be insensitive of me. I was a total moron.
I'm not sure why my conviction to win at sex meant that somehow I had to give up everything else to men who didn't deserve me. Sure, they wouldn't bag to their friends about nailing me but...I wasn't bragging about nailing them either. Zero sum game.
Which makes me pretty fucking dumb.
Before I got married, I was lucky enough to realize I was acting like an idiot. I remedied that by taking a nice long break from sex.
Since getting married I've found that sex is a lot more fun when I'm not constantly suspicious that someone will be retelling this story later. But it's also a lot more fun when I can let go and be with someone who I actually respect.
Tags sexy saturdays
- Chicks who do it for me
- Lose Weight Fast with the Heartbreak Diet!
- Margaritas, Weed, and Slut Signals
- epic existential post just in time for that arbitrary changing of the calendar which I so love
- Public Service Announcement
- Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Slut Shaming E-Cards
- Animal Monster Bird Squawk Dinosaur Creature
- Sexy Saturdays: Slutty Saturday
- My Doctors Always Suck, otherwise entitled Why I Hate Kaiser
- fishcunts and cum dumpsters