Random Thoughts of a Crazy Lady

 People I hate at Superbowl parties:

• Chick who doesn't know anything about football but pretends she does, just yells when everyone else does, and shouts random things that don't necessarily make sense. "They just jumped on the ball!" Um, yeah.
• Creepy dude who stands in the kitchen the whole time. Why are you even here? Plus, I'm a little scared of the kitchen now.
• Chick who wore her team gear but is more preoccupied with showing it off than watching the actual game, also stands in front of TV to show off outfit thus blocking the action. 
• Dude with a huge head who turns around to talk, blocking the large screen TV with his massive cranium. Dude. Shut up. Take a hint that I just leaned to the far left so as to see what happens in that last 7 minutes of a game with a 3 point difference. 

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So either Portland is having the weirdest winter ever or everyone I talked to before I moved here was a lying liar who lies. Everyone told me it would be like 8 months of cloudy days. Um, we've had plenty of sunny days here and there.

Also, it's been oddly warm, which I wasn't expecting and don't even really need necessarily. I like the cold. But some of the more annoying types acted like the spoiled girl from California wouldn't be able to handle an Oregon winter. Yeah. Jackasses.

Firstly of the mostly, I lived in Paris. It gets buttfuck cold there. Yes it does. Second of the all, it's not Alaska, you jackasses.

Oh and I grew up in California, but I grew up in the desert, where we have very extreme weather. Super hot summers, yes, but also frigid winters. And wind. Always wind. And wind makes it SO much colder. I have yet to feel as col here in the port land as I felt many a winter in my hometown. So there.

But I still reserve some resentment for those who told me it doesn't get hot here in the summer. It does. And there are many summer-time fun water and outdoorsy things to do. So shut it. 

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I'm pretty sure I abuse the exclamation mark.

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I'm sure you're all wondering about Jeté's health and she's doing okay. Her tumor is getting huge, but she's not in much pain yet. She still eats well and has energy and her breathing is still normal.

What isn't normal is her mood. She's had these weird mood swings where she's super sleepy and then she's super playful. I haven't seen her this playful and hyper in years. I already told you about the new favorite cat toy. Well, she now brings it to me and meows at me mournfully, as if she will die if we don't play right then.

The other day, one of the cats had dismantled it. So Jeté brought me the string to play with which was just fine for her. She had a blast. But then the next day, she brought me the mouse. I told her jokingly, "Well go get the string and I'll fix it," and then went back to whatever I was doing. Imagine my surprise when I heard a meow and looked down to find she's gotten the string. Smart, fucking cat.

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I haven't talked about my grandma much. My dad's mom. She died when I was 19 and she was the only grandparent I ever knew, discounting my dad's dad who died when I was two and who I only remember as terrifying.

My grandma, on the other hand, while not a cuddly or outwardly warm woman, was certainly loving in her way and was always around. Looking back, she was an inadvertently comical woman. She was sweet yet tough. She could sew and crochet and knit and cross stitch. A horrible driver. A great gardener.  And a horrible baker, though everyone raved about her cookies and cakes.

I remember she would make these cookies that were hard as rocks. They were awful. And she kept them in a drawer in her kitchen. Think about this. Not a cookie jar, a drawer. And not in a baggie or container in the drawer, just loose cookies in a drawer. Every time we went over to her house (a tiny one-room built by my great-grandpa after the turn of the century), she'd offer me some cookies and my parents were like, "Yes, have a cookie!" I'd just shake my head no, my eyes pleading to not make me eat the cookie.

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I stumbled upon these funniest signs from the Rally to Restore Fear and/or Sanity the other day and these were my faves:

Waffles ARE delicious.

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So every month since I started this blog, I've created a new masthead. It's kind of my thing, changing it up. And I've had fun doing it.

But it seems like everyone really loves this masthead. And I really love this masthead. And I've built my new branding around it. My new button and business cards have this image.


So you tell me...