such stuff as psychos are made on

Oh my fucking computer drama.

Where do I begin? Where do I even begin?

Okay, what day was it? Saturday? Yup, Saturday.

So Saturday I'm doing my thing. Having the computer fun. When my MacBook goes "EEP" and shuts off. 

*breathe in* *breathe out*

So I power it up and the screen is insanely dim. I can type and move the cursor, but I can't see anything on the screen and the brightness level is at full. 

HUMPH.

So I manually restart. And this time? The screen is all sorts of awesome, but my keyboard is on some kind of acid trip. The caps lock is having its own techno party. The A and 1 keys have completely gone on strike and when you hit any of the other keys, they start repeating like they're painting the alphabet across the sky.

And did I mention my computer is password protected? Oh yeah. So I can't even log in.

Right.

So I get a late appointment at the Genius Bar and take my baby in. At this point, I am just trying to remain calm. I need my computer. I committed to a freelance gig with my old employer and this week is full of online conference calls in prep for a big project happening next week in Kansas City. I need my computer. 

The Genius, whom I'll call Mark because I can't remember his name and he looks like a Mark or maybe a Seth, tells me it's probably the keyboard and top casing unless there's damage underneath, but I'll need to leave it with him for 1 to 3 days. Mini-panic attach and I hand over my baby. 

Sunday morning (way earlier than I'd anticipated), another Mac Genius calls me and is all, "how are you today?" And I'm all, "I'll be awesome if you've fixed my baby." And he's all, "It's fixed. Come get it this afternoon." And I'm all, "I love you. Please marry me." And he just laughs nervously.

Anywayyyy.

So I pick her up and they'd replaced the keyboard and top casing and display bezel. And she works great and I but her a new pink condom to make sure that she doesn't get sick again (always compute safely!). And I take my fam to the airport this morning and get back and settle in for my online conference call at noon. And, I shit you not, my keyboard and mouse freeze five fucking minutes before the call! I swear to jeebus and shiva and all things unholy that's what happened.

Cue: me stabbing my eyeballs out because I just can't witness this bullshit any longer.

Right. So I call the Geniuses and they can't get me in until tomorrow. UNTIL TOMORROW! 

*sigh*

I really want to be positive and these guys are all super nice and I officially now know two loverly people who work for Apple (though neither of which are techies). But oh em eff gee why couldn't they just squeeze me IN? My theory is that the replacement parts weren't totally installed correctly. Soooo couldn't I just drop it off and you can fix it in the queue? No? 

*sigh*

And how am I posting right now? Oh I'll tell you how. I will tell you how, by golly and gosh and goulash. 

I went out (at Sexy Man's cajoling) (pee ess, isn't cajole an awesome word?) to the Goodwill and purchased a keyboard and mouse. Which is so a temporary fix. I certainly can't take my laptop like this with me to Kansas City. And it's kind of sucking as well since I have like no furniture and I'm now balancing all the extra equipment on my lapdesk on my pile of floor blankets and sleeping bag because, oh yeah, I sleep on the floor now. Suck city, sweetheart (that line was for you, Coco!). 

This is my life.

Urf.

So I'm dropping my baby off with the Geniuses tomorrow where I predict yet again that I won't see her for 1 to 3 days. Which means I will not be blogging much unless I find an alternate computer at my disposal or they fix Mac early.

PS
If you can identify where quote which I bastardized for the title of this post came from? You get a prize! What prize? Well, you'll be my new best friend. That's a job a million girls would die for*.

*I'm on fire with the quotes today! Where is Coco when I need her?