Monday, August 16, 2010

Like a Snake

When I first got to Portland, I didn't have much of an appetite. Call it stress maybe. I don't know why, but I just wasn't eating much. I wasn't actively avoiding food. I just wasn't hungry and I'd forget.

Which is SO not me.

I mean, we all know how I lose my appetite when I'm suffering a little heartbreak. Oh do we know.

But this? This was not heartbreak. This was loss of appetite for some weird reason. And it wasn't consistent. I'd eat some great food one day and forget to eat the next.

However.

How to the ever.

How to the ever lovin' ever.

I have my appetite back. It's been steadily building for a couple of weeks now. And it's back with a vengeance. Like it was pissed that I forgot about it. Packed it away with my sweaters and jewelry and forgot to unpack it after my move. And it's making up for lost time.

Oh boy is it.

I am shoving so much food down my gullet, I resemble a snake eating a baby. I wouldn't recommend anyone getting their hands too close to my mouth; they may lose a finger.

Bee tee double you, did you know that Kettle Chips makes a Fully Loaded Bakes Potato flavor? Jeez to the creez it's ridiculous. No food that amazing should exist. It's like mocking nature. That's some unnaturally brilliant food conjuring right there. Kettle Chips must be a witch. Somebody burn it at the stake. Or throw it in a river and see if it floats. And if it does, burn it at the stake.

Burning at the stake is always the answer.

Even on a math test.

Trust me on that one.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The food. As proof of my incessant noshing, an extemely unattractive photo of me eating a Voodoo Doughnut*:


Please pay no attention to my chins.

My throat looks like that because it is expanding to make room for the large quantity of food about to be ingested. Just like a snake. Duh. 

I thought we covered this.

*Why the hell am I sharing this extremely unattractive photo? Someone slap some sense into me please, because I seem to be under the impression that the purpose of the Internet is to make myself appear as unattractive as possible. 

30 comments mean you love me:

leymilne said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You make my day with your insanely awesome posts.

I'm convinced that the internet is a prime way to humiliate ourselves for the entertainment of others. How else could something like Tila Tequila have been created??

Coco said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Boy, I thought she was going to detach her jaw and swallow you whole.

Yup. You know what that's from.

And you need some Bakers fries and a burrito from Del Taco.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ashley- so true. so true. Oh, Tila. what a train wreck. and you are too sweet!

Coco- oh man I miss me some Center Stage! and BAKERSSSSS! I miss Bakers. BUT, they have Del Taco here! it's not close to my casa, but it's here. oh yeah, the Cali girl will survive.

Anne said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

A donut is a perfect thing to go down the good old gullet! Love it.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you know what? I agree!!

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That donut looks delicious!

Playing WOW again...found gullet.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

oh it WAS!

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

haha love this post!! ...although at first i read it wrong and thought you were comparing yourself to a snake-eating baby, rather than a snake EATING A baby, so that was interesting to think about. i mean, either way, it does call to mind something that is very, very hungry, so it works... :P

also, i did NOT know before about the baked potato flavor kettle chips, but NOW i MUST have them. and finally, what is a voodoo donut?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Tatyanna, this is all I can say: BAHAHAHA! *whew* too funny. yes, I am also a snake-eating baby sometimes. depends on the time of the month. ;D

get yoself some of those Kettle chips like now!

and OH my dear, Voodoo is the most insanely good, quirky, irreverent, weird doughnut chain on the planet and you can only find them here in Portland, OR. if you ever make it here, order the "cock and balls." trust me on that one. click the link above for their website. :D

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

well, that settles that. any donut chain that offers the cock-n-balls is okay by me! :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

niiiiiice!

Amy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I never lose my appetite...when I'm stressed I eat and eat, especially!

And for WOW - I found gullet.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

yeah it's not really like me, but hell, at least it was temporary! :D

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

"I seem to be under the impression that the purpose of the Internet is to make myself appear as unattractive as possible."

Me too, friend. Me too.

But you're failing. Because that photo just makes me love you more.

Lynnette said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I can attest to the cock-n-balls being amazing, at least the vegan one, and of course it's cream filled, yum!

Cecelia Winesap said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks for letting me know about Loaded Baked Potato Kettle Chips. I must leave work now in search of a store that sells these.

Jennifer Juniper said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Haha.. I look like that sometimes..

And there's gullet from the Word Up Yo! Scavenger Hunt!!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Cats- I am blushing. heart you so hard!

Nett- right??? if it were not cream filled, it just wouldn't make sense. ;)

Cecilia- I think that's wise. let me know how your search goes.

Jennifer- niiiice. we should ALL look like that sometimes.

and welcome, new readers! thanks for stopping by!

Lizzy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

dude!
1) your shades are badass.
2)my appetite is gone, and i'm looking forward to its return. this post gave me hope.
3)=)

xo

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Liz-

1) thanks, woman!
2) when I go through a breakup, I don't eat. it will come back, but be patient and drink plenty of gatorade.
3) LOVE

SoccerMom said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

are you sure its just not that time of the month?

I eat like a pig for a solid week.

I never eat when I am sad.

Good luck to you.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

it's a week before The Period, but maybe I'm just prepping for the big feed? :)

SuperIRL said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That donut looks awesome!

I found gullet, too.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

it WAS!

Carol said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

1. Nice doughnut.

2. The same thing happened when I moved: 2 weeks of almost no eating followed by me breaking down the doors at Krispy Kreme.

3. I think I might love you after this post. And yes, I'm pretty sure blogs are designed to make you unattractive, no?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Carol,

1. thanks! it was verrrry tasty indeed.
2. nice to know this is a normal phenom. moving is stressful.
3. aw I'm blushing! if bloggy unattractiveness can make someone love me, I'm all in!

Jenny (@jenndola) said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I confessed to accidentally propositioning a teenage McDonald's employee, so I get the "humiliate myself on my very own blog" thing.

WOW...gullet. Which, coincidentally, is a word I adore.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

seriously? THAT is a story I have to read.

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks for the link to the Voodoo Donuts!!! I posted it on Facebook and proceeded to tell at least 10 friends in the space of 24 hours... ALL have decided it would be worth a trip west. Sadly we also had to laugh at the ideas about what would happen if such a place existed here in the Chicago suburbs... ugliness and protesting and evangelism would likely ensue...
oh, and PS the cock-n-balls? you know me soooo well. that's my favorite kinda donut(s)!!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you're welcome!! and THAT is why such a place only exists in Portland. it's just SO Portland. :D via Voodoo!

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