Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Random Thoughts of a Crazy Lady

What's with bicycle cops? I mean, they look all happy on their bicycles, all fit in their shorts and helmets. But I kind of don't get the point. How are they forbidding in any way? I could see how they could chase a criminal who is on foot. Bike wins every time. But then what do they do with said criminal? Smush him in the basket? Have him balance on the handle bars?

Wait a sec. Let's all take a moment to picture that. Are you picturing a thug balancing on a cop's bike with the cop in shorts and all happy he caught the bad guy? Good. So am I.

But how is a bicycle cop supposed to stand a chance next to a car? A car that has gasoline. And an engine. And gooes vroom vroom (or so I learned in preschool)? And how does a bike cop pull someone over? I assume he has one of those bike bells, the ones that go ching ching. So if he wants to pull someone over, does he just ring the bell really fast over and over? chingchingchingchingchingching! Very threatening.

Poor bicycle cops. Such a hard life. So misunderstood. Especially by me. I feel bad for them now. I want to buy one a drink and let him (or her) tell me the woes of copping on bicycles (that sounded dirty).

I am an old lady. And need to buy epson salts for my aching hips. That is all.

I have mentioned to more than one person in the last few days that Portland has a lot of sexual energy. My theory is that it's because it's so damn green. So much pollen in the air. Life exploding out of the ground. Spores copulating everywhere. This has worn Rosie out. Momma either needs to get laid or buy Rosie some new batteries. Poor Rosie.

A tweep brought up music in 1993 today. And I was instantly reminded of the glorious sounds of the Proclaimers. How had I forgotten about them? Or about Benny and Joon? And why is it when I think of the Proclaimers, I think of Benny and Joon? They are inexplicably lined in my mind.

Do you remember this?


Or this?


Or this?


Reminds me of high school dances and my friend Elise and big floppy hats with sunflowers on them and spaghetti strap dresses worn with white T shirts underneath and making grilled cheese sandwiches on an ironing board with my cousins.

If you haven't checked out the Raw Photo Contest yet, you totes should. Submit your raw photos and peruse the wonderful submissions we have so far and leave them nice comments. Everyone loves comments, you know.

18 comments mean you love me:

Silver said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

We have bicycle cops. they mostly give out tickets to skaters and bikers who aren't riding on the designated path, also drunk in public. Living in a resort town is fun.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

sounds like it! I had forgotten about teenaged rifraff. I'm sure the bike cops are just the thing to smack down the teens.

KLZ said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, I so agree on the Proclaimers and Benny & Joon. Completely linked, forever and a day.

Also, how come bicycle cops look so dumb while mounties, who face the same issue, are so rugged?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

WELL, bicycle cops are jaunty with their little shots and wheeled contraptions. Mounties are like cowboys with badges. They're like Wyatt Earp. They ride horses. Like MEN. rawr.

Ali said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Now I'm curious, being that I'm a new reader.

The make and model of Rosie and how you like her? I'm in the market (who are we kidding, I'm always in the market.)

Oh, and aside from that, totally submitted to Raw Photo! Thank you so much! It's a really wonderful idea.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ali,

Welcome!! thanks for reading!

here is way more info than you ever wanted: Rosie is a Mr Smooth vibrator that I got at Doctor Love's. I like her well enough, BUT, I miss my old vibrator that was old fashion hard plastic. Rosie is a latexy material and she needs tons of lube for insertion so I'm thinking I may buy a clitoral stimulator next time. but I like that the speeds are easy to adjust and I can take her in the shower.

:D

Ali said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Huh. My only vibrator is a We-Vibe, so I'm actually thinking my clitoris needs a little love as well. Let me know if you get one you love!

And believe me...I found you when you commented on my toy with me article...too much information is a phrase that has never, ever come out of my mouth.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I will! and with that attitude, you'll fit right in here. :D

Nichole said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Such a great post, Andy!
Even funnier than bike cops are the ones in the 'burbs where I live who ride on Segways. Nope, I'm not even kidding. Too much funny.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Segway cops! shut up right now that is just too good!

Colleen said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I was recently in the Atlanta airport and guess what? They have bike cops INSIDE the airport! I actually stopped speaking mid-sentence to stare at these guys. That's how freaky they looked. I suppose they could run over people in an airport, but they're not gonna stand a chance against anyone with a bomb. Or a really big stick.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Colleen, I can't even respond to that I'm laughing so hard. and I'm picturing myself shoving a stick in a bike cops' spokes and he goes flying.

Anonymous said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I can't imagine why you would feel sorry for a vibrator, they have the most enviable job in the world.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

HAH! you raise a valid point.

we hate you. love, us said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Omg, I adore you. What is it with bike cops?! It doesn't make sense to me...I have the best image of a bike cop with a little bell trying to pull me over. And who would even hear the bell? Would the cop ride with his hands waving in the air to get your attention? And is that even safe? Ridiculous.

And now the Proclaimers are firmly stuck in my head.

-Betty

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

omh I adore you too!

and you're welcome.

:D

Lynnette said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

don't forget they turn their bike headlight to strobe, chingchingchingchingchingching, whatever I had right of way and it's not like he was going to catch me!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

that's right! hah!

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