Random Rant

I was going to do a random thoughts post this morning, but woke up wearing my cranky pants, so here's a teeny yet random rant:

Why won't some people just go away? I don't like you, Douchey Doucherson, so don't call me. I am not obligated in any way to answer my phone and I'll exercise that right as often as necessary. All I have to say is thank the lard for caller ID.

And why does Douchey Doucherson think I like him? WHY? I don't. He's a douche. Obviously. So take a hint and disappear. Except he thinks so highly of himself that it doesn't occur to him that anyone could possibly dislike him, let alone loathe him to the depths that I loathe him.

And that loathing causes actual heart palpitations when I'm awakened to a phone call and see his despicable name on my caller ID. Seriously, my blood pressure actually rises and my chest gets tight and I go into mini panic attack mode. Maybe the man is just trying to kill me. Heart attack by caller ID.

On another note, if my cat keeps poking holes in my motherfucking air mattress (read: the only bed I have right now), I might lock the little retard up. THIS is how abuse starts, people! People ask how someone could possibly do such a thing. Well, I'll tell ya. It's the slow descent into insanity caused by a retarded cat who thinks it's the most fun ever to scratch the vinyl bed.

And if I have to wake up to cat barf one more time, I may just plug that cat up. Can't barf if there's no portal for it to come up right? RIGHT?