Well welcome, March. First March day and I'm dying. No, not dying. But I am going to hack up my right lung like a hairball. It will be very attractive. This is why I'm so popular with the boys, you see.
So yeah, sicky sick sick. Blech. And I think I mentioned a lung issue a couple weeks ago and I think that was an early symptom. I'm wheezy and coughy and gross. And so I've spent most of my day curled up like a dying fetus.
I did manage to drag my sick ass down to the CVS this morning to buy sicky supplies. And I found everything I needed and then stood behind a manicured, vapid woman for a good 15 minutes in line as she went on about green m&ms. Seriously, lady? I don't care if you can't find the damn green m&ms. Can you not see the dying woman behind you? She was probably contracting my germs with all the inhaling she needed to do to talk so damn much. Really, if she'd just looked behind her, she'd have seen death incarnate, my face looking like the Jabberwocky's ass, my hair shoved under a hat, in my pajamas and flip flops, wheezing like an 80 year old man with emphysema.
The rest of the day I spent sleeping and watching Heroes season 4. Ohemgee is season 4 good! And then I watched NeverEnding Story. Because that's what you do when you're sick. You watch the crap you loved as a kid and feel nostalgic and therefore better about your sorry ass that isn't being productive in any way at all.
But, dudes, did I LOVE this movie as a kid! I loved it. Except I'd fast forward (for you younguns, that's what you do to videotapes. what are videotapes? I don't have time for this shit.) through the parts with the evil wolf guy. He was fucking scary, man. Still kind of is. He has blood stains all on his mouth. Kids today do not get the same violence I watched as a kid. Anyway, I loved it.
Also I wanted to be like the empress. My favorite part was always when Atreyu finally meets the empress, partly because I had a huge crush on Atreyu and partly because I was in love with the empress. I used to wear this peach nightgown and put a necklace on my head and pretend to be her. Never could figure out why I didn't look just like her. Maybe it's because I didn't have a pound of makeup on and lighting designers.
And there are a few things I always wondered about this movie. One, so the idea is that Bastian identifies with Atreyu and follows him through the story. So what if a girl reads it? Is it a tough ass chick on a quest to save Fantasia? And what about the old man in the beginning? The one who was reading it when Bastian steals it? Does he follow an old man warrior? That's just...well it's lame.
And where was the damn luck dragon when Artax was dying in the swamp? Or do you only get one pet at a time in Fantasia? And if the pretty necklace Atreyu wears can actually guide him (which you don't discover until the end) why doesn't he use it AT ALL throughout his whole damn quest? And why does Bastian's school have a creepy attic with a stuffed wolf head? Did your school have a creepy attic? Mine certainly did not. No it did not.
Plus, why the hell couldn't the empress just tell everyone she needed a human to give her a new name from the start? Wouldn't that have saved some time? And what if he gave her a lame ass name? Like Talulah. Or Wadine. (I apologize if that's your name). And back to the old man. When he reads the book, does he meet the empress in the end just like Bastian? And then can you picture (I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS IMAGE) the old man squatting down with the preteen empress, giving her a new name, she tells him he can have as many wishes as he wants...
OKAY, I can't do that anymore. This game just got uber weird, yo. And insanely disturbing. I apologize.
Yeah so I'm sick. But I did jazz up this site a little this evening. There are a few new pages, things in different places. Check it out. Tell your friends. Leave me comments.
- Chicks who do it for me
- Lose Weight Fast with the Heartbreak Diet!
- Margaritas, Weed, and Slut Signals
- epic existential post just in time for that arbitrary changing of the calendar which I so love
- Public Service Announcement
- Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Slut Shaming E-Cards
- Animal Monster Bird Squawk Dinosaur Creature
- My Doctors Always Suck, otherwise entitled Why I Hate Kaiser
- Sexy Saturdays: Slutty Saturday
- fishcunts and cum dumpsters