National Grammar Day

Well, Internet, I made it through a whole 6 hours of work today! And even though that's like, well, it's way under a normal full day's work, considering that I barely left my bed yesterday, I'm gonna call that a victory. I think you should all stand up and applaud my brave efforts. Stop it, thank you, stop it, don't stop, no stop.

Annnnnnd I'm going to even attempt...wait for it...an 8 hour day tomorrow! I know, I know, it's ridiculous how wild I can be. I'm just gonna go crazy. Work a full day. Who knew?

Seriously though, I am a smidge better. But I'm still having trouble breathing well and my energy has been stolen. Stolen by evil elves. Evil elves with elephantine ears. Evil elves with elephantine ears who live in the eggshells of egrets (sorry, can't resist alliteration). Gets me every time. How can I possibly resist the dulcet tones of vowel or consonant repetition (I'm looking at you, Mr. Leeman.)?

And thaaaaat brings me to my brilliant segue. Today is National Grammar Day. Good golly that makes me happy in my heart. Read ALL about NGD at one of my fave-oh-right blogs in the world: The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. And since I enjoy grammar, I'd like to share some grammar fun avec toi in my own little insane way.

Have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to this kind of thing? I was that annoying kid in school who, when my friends passed me notes, corrected their spelling and grammar before I responded and passed it back. You can imagine how wildly popular I was.

(I'm sorry for some old friends who may have received these lessons before from an annoying gal such as myself. And some of you may need to hear it again. Just sayin'. I'm looking at you, Keller.)

Shall we begin? Awesome. Now sit your whiney ass down and pay attention.

Lesson1: Misuse of apostrophes and the letter "s"

At the end of a word, if you add an apostrophe and then an "s," that makes the word possessive.
For example:
Incorrect -- That pelicans feet look like dead lizards with fungus.
Correct -- Tanya’s hair is like rainbows and butterfly kisses on crack.

If you want to make a word plural (as in, more than one of something), don't use an apostrophe. Just add an "s."
For example:
Incorrect -- Your eye's have blue pus in them.
Correct -- Your hands smell like corpses and candy.

Now you know. So stop misusing it, mmk? 

Lesson 2: Misuse of you're / your

Your is the possessive form of you.
For example:
Incorrect: Your an old bat who eats too much cheese.
Correct: Your purse smells like a dead baby.

You're is a contraction of you and are.
For example:
Incorrect: You're eyes are like fish eggs on a cold morning.
Correct: You're a smelly monkey pirate on death row.

So now you know. Stop misusing it, mmmmk?

Lesson 3: Misuse of there/their/they're

There refers to location.
For example:
Incorrect: There having a great time scooping unicorn crap.
Correct: There is this fab Thai place that makes soy death tea.

Their is the possessive form of they.
For example:
Incorrect: Their going to steal liquor stores and rob cars.
Correct: Their babies look like monkeys.

They're is a contraction of they and are.
For example:
Incorrect: They're hair balls make lovely centerpieces.
Correct: They're like baby hookers in five inch heels.

So now you know. So stop misusing it, mmmmmmmk?

even the baby knows you're using it wrong