Anyway, my appetite is coming back and I'm on to the next stage of snark (there are 5 stages of snark. look it up): cynical rationalization.
So on that note, I present you with the 20 ways I am not an utter and complete loser for being single forevers:
- ice cream and popcorn for dinner, starbursts for lunch, and no judgement
- 2 annoying, high maintenance, trouble maker cats that only I love
- 6 hours straight of Mad Men
- no stubble burn or embarrassing hickeys
- I get to be all Alvin Ailey
in my living room and nobody gives a fuck (except my poor neighbors)
- anonymous dirty sex with my vibrator (I don't even use a condom)
- 5 words: middle of the bed, bitch
- secret love affairs with Mr. Darcy
, Don Draper,
Christina Yang
, Neil Patrick Harris
(who is straight just for me) and the entire cast of Glee
(including Artie)
- snoozing 10 times just because I can
- someday I'll get to be that eccentric single old lady with huge hats and overalls who steals books from the library and names all my plants (save the date!)
- being on time everywhere
- fidelity is never an issue
- 2 words: naked karaoke
- never having to buy anniversary presents
- 3 words: cheez-its in bed
- no compromising on anything
- wanting to spend 2 hours with Matt Damon or Johnny Depp IS a good reason to watch a so-so movie
- watching Hulu while checking the Facecrack while texting while eating ungodly amounts of Kettle Chips is a perfectly acceptable way to spend an evening
- Never having to shave my legs except on bikini and dress days (and sometimes even then)
- I want to play on the jungle gym and I want to do it in a dress. why should I have to choose? (okay, so that's cryptic, whatevers)
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10 comments mean you love me:
did not realize you are newly single. That bites.
You are also into numbers of words :)
And yeah, I'm single. It blows sometimes and it's totally awesome other times. Though I have to say, the most embarrassing hickey/stubble burn has been when I've been (technically) single.
And yeah, I'm planning on starting a commune if I'm older and single. It involves being 1-awesome and 2-social... and 3- I don't know what else.
Also, who the hell knew Artie could fucking dance!? He's totally a hottie.
Artie is a little hottie! hacha!
Hey don't get me wrong, I enjoy my bf company but there are times that i just want to be alone and watch what I want on the TV!!! lol
Btw your blog is great! Just became a follower!
Mine is www.nycislandgal.com
Hope you like it and share the love by following me too! ;)
Thanks, IGal! Thanks for reading and following too! I added your blog to my reader and I will fo sho check it out. <3
You just described my life practically to a T. And you know what? My life is all sorts of awesome. And yours will be, too. Honest promise.
But I'm sorry about the breakup, if it wasn't what you wanted. And I can't help but suspect that whoremouth Portland is somehow to blame.
P.S. I love Rufus, too, and will gladly share him with you if he ever decides vaginas aren't yucky.
You steal books from the library and name your plants too? THAT is awesome!
yeah, lameness. thanks for the sympathy.
mmmm, Rufus. wish he loved the vajayjays.
ARTIE IS SO HOT. For real.
That little hottie danced his way into my heart last week!
this is the greatest list! also: drinking weekdays with no judgment, no explanation or justification for the errant bitch fit and more money to spend on important things, like yourself. three cheers!
Oh yeah! Great additions, especially spending more money on myself. Thanks for reading! *hugs*
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