Tuesday, May 25, 2010

bite me I'm single

So my post about the Heartbreak Diet yesterday got the most hits I've ever had on my blog in one day. Ever. Pretty sure it's because I had the word diet in the title. Bet they were disappointed, huh?

Anyway, my appetite is coming back and I'm on to the next stage of snark (there are 5 stages of snark. look it up): cynical rationalization.

So on that note, I present you with the 20 ways I am not an utter and complete loser for being single forevers:

  1. ice cream and popcorn for dinner, starbursts for lunch, and no judgement
  2. 2 annoying, high maintenance, trouble maker cats that only I love
  3. 6 hours straight of Mad Men
  4. no stubble burn or embarrassing hickeys 
  5. I get to be all Alvin Ailey in my living room and nobody gives a fuck (except my poor neighbors)
  6. anonymous dirty sex with my vibrator (I don't even use a condom)
  7. 5 words: middle of the bed, bitch
  8. secret love affairs with Mr. Darcy, Don Draper, Christina Yang, Neil Patrick Harris (who is straight just for me) and the entire cast of Glee (including Artie)
  9. snoozing 10 times just because I can
  10. someday I'll get to be that eccentric single old lady with huge hats and overalls who steals books from the library and names all my plants (save the date!)
  11. being on time everywhere 
  12. fidelity is never an issue
  13. 2 words: naked karaoke
  14. never having to buy anniversary presents
  15. 3 words: cheez-its in bed
  16. no compromising on anything
  17. wanting to spend 2 hours with Matt Damon or Johnny Depp IS a good reason to watch a so-so movie
  18. watching Hulu while checking the Facecrack while texting while eating ungodly amounts of Kettle Chips is a perfectly acceptable way to spend an evening
  19. Never having to shave my legs except on bikini and dress days (and sometimes even then)
  20. I want to play on the jungle gym and I want to do it in a dress. why should I have to choose? (okay, so that's cryptic, whatevers)

10 comments mean you love me:

Jackie T said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

did not realize you are newly single. That bites.

You are also into numbers of words :)

And yeah, I'm single. It blows sometimes and it's totally awesome other times. Though I have to say, the most embarrassing hickey/stubble burn has been when I've been (technically) single.

And yeah, I'm planning on starting a commune if I'm older and single. It involves being 1-awesome and 2-social... and 3- I don't know what else.

Also, who the hell knew Artie could fucking dance!? He's totally a hottie.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Artie is a little hottie! hacha!

IGal said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hey don't get me wrong, I enjoy my bf company but there are times that i just want to be alone and watch what I want on the TV!!! lol

Btw your blog is great! Just became a follower!

Mine is www.nycislandgal.com
Hope you like it and share the love by following me too! ;)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks, IGal! Thanks for reading and following too! I added your blog to my reader and I will fo sho check it out. <3

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You just described my life practically to a T. And you know what? My life is all sorts of awesome. And yours will be, too. Honest promise.

But I'm sorry about the breakup, if it wasn't what you wanted. And I can't help but suspect that whoremouth Portland is somehow to blame.

P.S. I love Rufus, too, and will gladly share him with you if he ever decides vaginas aren't yucky.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You steal books from the library and name your plants too? THAT is awesome!

yeah, lameness. thanks for the sympathy.

mmmm, Rufus. wish he loved the vajayjays.

Sarah P said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

ARTIE IS SO HOT. For real.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That little hottie danced his way into my heart last week!

The Average Broad said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

this is the greatest list! also: drinking weekdays with no judgment, no explanation or justification for the errant bitch fit and more money to spend on important things, like yourself. three cheers!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh yeah! Great additions, especially spending more money on myself. Thanks for reading! *hugs*

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