you don't even have kids

Last Sunday, for the 4th, Lynnette and I headed up to a large local park that sits above the city to eat dinner and watch fireworks. It's a place I love to go by myself and hike around and take photos.

Sunset over the valley

Anyway, I'm not super patriotic and I'm not about to derail this post with my political leanings except to say that they're my own so please don't stone me. But who doesn't love fireworks? I certainly do. Fireworks are totes awesome!

I mean they're all sparkly and explodey and firey. Who doesn't love that?

So anyway, we went up above the city to watch the fireworks show, mostly because we wanted to avoid crowds, paying to get into the city-sponsored stadium show, and traffic. And it was a brilliant idea. We found a lovely man-made lookout and settled into a spot on the concrete with our blanket and pizza. We could see fireworks shows not just in our town but all along the valley. It was fantastic!

We even made friends with the other families there and had a generally kickass time, except for the monster Chernobyl mosquito bites I got on my back and the concrete made my ass and ankles sore. Which sucked. And made me feel old. Because you know that shit doesn't bother you when you're a kid, right? Like, you're just happy to see fireworks and be up past 9!

But no, I was all whiney about my numb ass and mosquito bites.

So anyway, after the show ended, everyone was getting up and as I was stretching out my sore back (SEE? OLD. LADY.), I groaned.

The lady who had been sitting behind me (who looked about my age, aka 30ish) complained that her back was sore.

I laughed and said: Yeah,  I'm clearly getting old.

And she said: ugh you don't even have kids.

So I replied: I would have them if I could.

EXCUSE ME? Like, that pissed me off, yo. I was totally offended. 

I mean, I know what she meant to say was, You look young or something to that effect. But what she essentially said was that since I didn't appear to have children, I must, in fact, be young. 

But what the hell did she know about me? I could have lost a baby for all she knew. For all she knew, I couldn't have kids. Or I could have had a child who died. Or I could have kids at home. Hell, I could have a 12 year old at home. SHIT, technically, I could have a 16 year old at home (I can do the math). 

But beyond that, what does having kids have to do with anything? Yes, children wear you out. Yes, it's hard work. That's not what I'm saying here. I'm saying that I know plenty of childless people who live hard lives and age their bodies just as much as parents do. 

I want children immensely, so I want to make sure this post in no way implies that I think parenthood isn't an awesome life choice. BUT, parenthood isn't a badge of honor that you get to lord over others with smug condescension. Nopetty nope it is not. 

So now that this has turned into one spectacular rant, I should prob reel it back in. But you know? That shit pissed me the fuck off. I'd just like to see people think before they speak. Have a little compassion and tact before words just fly out of their mouths like flies did in that Mummy movie (that was tres gross right?). Or like word vomit a la Mean Girls. 

What could it hurt to consider that maybe, just maybe you're not the only bitch walking the planet and that other people have lives and experience and histories that have nothing to do with you? Maybe, just maybe you might offend someone. Or hurt someone. With a little flippant ass fucking comment. 

What would she have done if I'd replied, I did. Maybe I could have managed a small tear. Would she still have thought herself better than me? Or wiser or older or whatever it was she felt she had over me with her motherhood? 

Well what the fuck did she know? Nothing. 

As my brilliant friend Lynnette said, "People assume that just because their life is easy, everyone else's is too." 

People: is it too much to ask to think before you speak? Really?