Monday, July 26, 2010

Hot Mess Monday

So I fell down my stairs last night. Seriously. I did. Like a baby giraffe just learning to walk. Down stairs. Only that baby giraffe was wearing a long skirt that got caught under its feet in the process. Also, the giraffe has toes and its big toe jammed up into its foot causing searing pain and so the giraffe emitted a gawdawful yelping MOTHERFUCKER OWWW!.

The giraffe has a bit of a potty mouth.

So yeah, I fucked up my toe. I iced it a ton last night, but it still hurts today. And I've broken a toe before (The same toe, come to think of it.) and THAT shit hurts like a motherfucking sonofabitch (That's the technical term. At least, that's what the baby giraffe told me.), so I don't think it's broken. And it's not my toe exactly that hurts; it's more like the joint where my big toe connects to my foot. And now I'm getting shooting pains along the bottom of my foot to my heel. Fucking awesome!

Of course to add to that, I've also got The Period going on and my cramps are making want to strangle a small, male animal. But not a baby giraffe. Never. A baby giraffe.

And then the cabinet guys were supposed to come fix our crooked cabinets today, but they're not here yet, the fuckers. I swear to all things unholy if we don't get usable cabinets soon, I will transform into an adult giraffe and trample my smug fucking landlord's car. I know which one it is too. She parks right outside my house. Wunderbar (Spellcheck wanted me to change that to wonderbra. I considered it for a full 2 minutes.)!

Then I spent a good 15 minutes (which is like FOREVER, YO!) on hold with my student loan company to ask one tiny question only for them to tell me that I'm fine. Yup. Worth it. Totally worth it.

So you could say I'm a hot mess this jour. A hot fucking mess.

On the potential upside, I sent my resume in for an awesome kickass job this morning, a job that I'd be awesome at and would pay well (hopefully) and is closeish to where I live and is perfect. And I want it. A lot. If you can't tell. I want this job. If I don't get it, yours truly will be stripping soon. And we all know I'll be awesome at that.

And this last weekend waaaas pretty great so I can't complain too too much. Still doesn't make me a hot non-mess. But still. it was fun.

I still suck today. I'm still a pathetic hot mess. Maybe it's because it's Monday? OOH! New idea! Hot Mess Mondays! What do you think?

The baby giraffe thinks it's awesome. So there.





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9 comments mean you love me:

Lizzy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm so excited you're doing word up yo. I saw it yesterday and mean to do it, but haven't got to it yet. I saw your title and squealed in glee. ha ha. ok, now i'll read it.

Lizzy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

ok i read it. I love hot mess mondays! i will totally participate in that action!!!
also. the line "The giraffe has a bit of a potty mouth" made me LOL.
as for the stripping. just make sure there are no stairs on the stage. god knows we cant have you sacrificing toes and shit.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

my dear Lizzy,

to you first comment- YOU are so adorable!
to your 2nd- lord know! I prob couldn't handle a pole either. or platform shoes. so maybe I could just shimmy around the floor next to the stage barefoot. that's hot, right?

kris said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Snicker!

The image of big giraffe you stomping on your landlord's car? With big heavy feet? All careful?

Snicker.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hah! thanks. I aim to cause snickers.

Poppy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I love the idea of hot mess Monday because you are fun when you are riled up.

I know it's a little selfish, but I'm kind of rooting for you to go for the stripping career. Don't worry, I would personally embezzle enough from Little League to be one of your best customers because you put on a hell of a show.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

WELL, if you're gonna embezzle from the little league, that's reason enough for me!

I love that you think I'm fun when I'm riled it. it makes me feel feisty.

Michele said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

A feisty stripper? Hmm. That could get interesting. I hope you get the job or you could end up getting arrested :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

getting arrested for stripping or feistiness? both are very popular here. ;D

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