Crazy Lady reviews the Awesome Sauce

So you may remember a while ago that my friend Meredith found me real, live, honesttoblog Awesome Sauce.

Needless to say, I was pretty stoked. But I didn't purchase any because, well, I'm a cheap sombitch and I wanted to spend my money on something I needed, like new shoes. 

But the universe loves me. Shut up, yes it does. And a month or so ago, the amazing folks at Breadpig found my blog (Did you notice that my blog has awesome sauce in the title? You weren't paying attention were you? The dunce cap for you!) and offered to send me some. For free. 

To which I replied, UM, YES PLEASE! I mean, I love free stuff! 

And I never once thought that I might actually do a product review, because that might make me a legit blogger. Not for one second did I ponder that possibility because I've never wanted to do a product review, because I didn't think that people might listen to me and go out and buy something because my opinion is like lame yo and influencing opinion is like way selling out or something. 

Except I was a salesperson for like a million years (serious) and I don't mind influencing opinion at all (as long as I'm honest) and I've kind of always wanted to do a product review! Yay! I'm a real girl! 

So I gave the nice people my Portland addy, because what if I moved before it got to my Cali address and then I'd have to wait for the USPS to forward it? Tragedy, that's what. 

It was here when I arrived. Excited was I.

Yoda I also am. Which my best friend and roomie won't get because she's never seen Star Wars and I recently learned this about her and realized that she hasn't been getting my Star Wars jokes for the last 16 years. 

Anywaaaay, I didn't try it right away. I didn't even open the box because I didn't have any clue where I'd packed the fucking scissors. When I did finally procure cutting utensils, I opened it and immediately read the ingredients. Soy sauce. It contains soy sauce. 

I am highly allergic to soy. See: sad face

Highly disturbing, I realize

But I wasn't going to let a little allergy stop me. No sire. Soy sauce was one small ingredient in a long list of other ingredients. My solution: taste a little on a spoon and see if I die. 

So I did. And it was taaaaasty! Tangy (prob from the garlic and soy sauce), but with a big ol' kick to it. I like spicy to an extent (hell, I lurves me some cajun goodness), but I've never been a fan of spicy just to kick you in the face. It's got to have some flava too, yo. The awesome sauce does. It is full of the flava, without too much spice, and just enough chutzpa to really get a party goin' in your mouth. 

Best part? I didn't die. Woohoo!

Next step? Try it on food. Can't just keep eating this puppy with a spoon (That's a metaphor, idiot. I would never eat a puppy. At least not with a spoon.). 

This is my bottle.

Get your own, moocher.

So I went to a local market and bought some pre-cooked BBQ chicken. Why pre-cooked, you lazy biotch? WELL, it's a long story, but our landlord has yet to replace our crooked cupboards, so all of our shit is on the counter tops and I didn't want to hassle with cooking in the way cluttered space. Plus, I'm still getting over my fear of cooking meat (Always afraid I'll undercook it and end up with syphilis. Wait, that's not right is it?). 

Pre-cooked chicken with the Awesome Sauce dribbled on it. And it was DELICIOUS! Ohemgee so good. All the tang and flava and kick with the added bonus of picking up the flavor of the chicken. Yummers. 

I hath conquered the Awesome Sauce

Now that I've had more, I'll wait to see if the soy does eventually make me itchy. I totes recommend this for anyone without a soy allergy. I'm just high maintenance. And stubborn apparently. 

Oh and get this:

"Breadpig, Inc., searched every saucery on the planet for the awesomest sauce and discovered this garlic mouthparty. Why risk producing something that only makes our porcine hero even more delectable? Because we donate all profits from this hot sauce to Gates Foundation programs to ensure proper nutrition for kids in the developing world. This way, they can grow up to be healthy adults, who can one day buy Awesomesauce to put on their own meals."

How coolio is that? They're awesome and socially conscious. 

Want some? Go here. Like nowish.