Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Hap Pee Hall Id Ays

What a week. I am simultaneously stressed and bored. Bored because my office is so quiet. No phones ringing, no emails. So I get my work done so quickly and I have nothing else to do. Pointless. Plus, I worked WAY too hard last week to get everything done before the break, because I'm taking a vacation the first week of January and I'll need to hit the ground running when I get back. But, dudes, I worked too hard. I got everything done that I can do without others' input (because of vacations). I should have spread that out so that I have more to do this week.

Stop laughing. You're laughing, I can tell. But nothing is worse than having nothing to do. It's mind-numbing! The day just goooooes soooo loooong! I'd rather be a busy bee and stressed out. Then at least the days go quickly.

But then I'm also a little stressed. Stressed because I've been exhausted lately. I know what you're thinking, Internet. Exhausted, you say? Why ever for? You just got done telling us that you've got nothing to do! Exactly my point. I am tired for no good reason. Maybe it's because I'm bored all day or maybe it's my iron levels. Whatever the reason, I'm just pooped. I simply cannot get enough sleep. I get home and collapse and then I have trouble waking up the next morning. I'm pushing my mornings later and later and that is taking a toll on my get-ready time. So you can see that hats are again playing a huge role in my life. Luckily I love hats and I'm allowed to wear them to work. Hah! So there.

And then there's this damned holiday season. Don't get me wrong, I am soooo excited that I get 2 weeks off (well, one week of my own vacation, but who's complaining?)! But no matter how many times I go through the season and no matter that I've streamlined it into my own, safe version of "christmas," I still get those butterflies in my stomach. Butterflies that pop up on family holidays that seem to be a mixture of species: the jealous of big families butterflies, the lonely only on holidays butterflies, the self-loathing why did I get stuck with the sucky situation butterflies. I can see you wondering why all my butterflies are negative when most butterflies are pretty. See, those pretty ones only come out in the spring. Wait, the bad butterflies come out for easter too. Damn it. Well, just sod it all then.

Point being that no matter how hard I work to make this work for me, I still can't help feeling twinges of negativity drilled into me from birth. Holidays are supposed to suck, are supposed to be stressful. Almost 30 years of conditioning taught me that. So it's hard to break the subconscious mind that wants to sabotage all my hard work.

Plus it's also a vacation from my therapist. Almost a month until my next appointment. Let's see if I can get through without calling her.

Nevertheless, I am going to barrel through. And I am spending christmas day with Morgan. We're having an anti-christmas, which suits me JUST fine. I am SO looking forward to it! But I must apologize to her in advance if I freak out a little. Last year I made it through with the help of my pajamas, lost of sugar, and hours of Harry Potter. I'm not sure what going out in the world will feel like. So, please, lovely friend, if I panic and just need to go home, please please puleez understand. This holiday is hard for me.

That said, happy holidays everyone! I'm sure I'll post between now and christmas, maybe, if I feel like it (hah!), but even though I don't get the joyous holiday season, I don't begrudge others who love it. In fact, I'm envious of you all. I hope you swim in the sparkliness of wintry snow and open lots of glorious presents and eat lots of decadent food surrounded by people who smother you with love unconditional. I really wish that for everyone. Really and truly.

In the spirit of giving, here are some links to my favorite charities and non-profits should you decide to part with some more cash:

I'd prefer you specify your giving to the New Orleans area, but just giving to this organization means your money will help someone have a home.

Make sure to buy one of the films and you'll get a bracelet made in Uganda too. All of their merchandise goes right to the cause.

And even if you can't give (believe me, I get how poor we all get this time of year), there are plenty of ways to get involved, even if it's just writing your legislators, signing petitions, or spreading the word. Follow these orgs on Twitter or Facebook and they'll help you to do little things which can help a lot.

Peace and love and all that jazz!

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