Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Sexy Time Cardiovascular Tattoo

o

I have absolutely no words. What's worse? The realistic heart or the fact that two people are having sex in it? That can't be sanitary.

Not to mention that this is presumably based on two real people- people who were in a relationship and who probably aren't anymore. I am very superstitious about tattoos and relationship or couples tattoos absolutely always with no exception curse the relationship.

And that also begs the question: who was this tat on?

Tattoo tease no more

I'm back, bitches! Did ya miss me?

I thought that for my first post back I'd share some exciting news. Just this past Saturday I finally got my panties out of my twat and got my fourth tattoo!

It's not even what I planned nor is it original artwork. My bestie Lynnette found this art and thought it seemed so me and I fell in love with it instantly and knew I just had to have it.

It's feminine and whimsical but also a little sassy and creative. I'm so happy to have it. It's just so me.

Now, I must say that it hurt like hell. People lied to me when I got my first tat and said it wouldn't hurt. It did. Like a motheruckingbitch. But it's worth it.

This time, the shoulder was THE WORST and I even had a little woozy, low blood sugar, almost pass out/barf moment. I didn't pass out or barf, but it was pretty embarrassing. But two juice boxes and ice packs on my neck later, I felt great and finished it up like a champ.

And see that little star on my neck? I also had the guy touch that up so it's actually a black star again. If you're thinking about getting a neck tat, I highly recommend it. It's been the easiest spot I've ever tattooed.

Speaking of my tattoo artist, I'm am loving Adorn East (in Portland of course) and I saw Ulyss, who I really, really liked. You can see his work is super awesome, but he was also super friendly and kind and totally listened to me and what I wanted. Just what you want in an artist. Plus he was so nice about my little woozy moment. It was a great experience and I fully expect to go back to Adorn for my next tat. 

like a bird

Did I ever tell you I have three tattoos? I do.

I love them all for the most part, except for the one on my ankle.

I don't hate it, but it's not exactly how I wanted it. I was young  and let the tattoo artists bully me into a design and colors I didn't want. The colors I never liked have now faded and I feel the design is way too young (which I knew even at 22).

That one,  once I have the funds, I will be covering up with a tree. I have the basic design ready. It will be feminine and graphic and simple. But it will be very large and therefore expensive.

First though, I have another tattoo in mind. I'd been planning this tattoo for years to put on my forearms, but I now work in a very conservative office and since two of my tats are already visible, I'm not going to make them more uncomfortable and I think I'll be moving it to my shoulderblades.

The metaphor:

Do you know about the swallows of San Juan Capistrano? Every child who grows up in California learns about the California missions and my favorite was always Capistrano, speficically the swallows. Every year, the swallows migrate south for the winter (I assume) and every year, without fail, they return to San Juan Capistrano.

I've always loved this idea of this, felt it suited my personality uniquely, the idea of wings and roots, of something that migrates and roams, but always returns to the same place. The nomad that always goes home.

So I'll be getting a swallow on each shoulder blade. Graphic, of course, not too cartoony or realistic. Something like this:

Or this:

Or maybe this:

Hopefully I'll start it soon. And I'll keep you updated with photos of course. Of course.