Portland *is* weird

I'm not in California anymore.

Never has this been more evident than the last 2 weeks. If you've ever had to deal with the California DMV, you know that whatever it is you need done will be a daunting task.

Need to get your emissions tested? Need to register your car? Need to apply for a driver's license? Need to replace a license?  Expect long lines and surly employees.

Need to do more than one thing? Expect to spend at least one whole day at the DMV.

It's painful. But part of life.

As a new Oregon resident, I needed to get a new driver's license and register my car.

First step? Get my emissions tested. Which I blocked out hours for. Because that's what you would do in California.

It was the easiest process of my whole life. In and out and the employees were so freaking chipper and friendly, I thought maybe I'd landed in Oz.

Then the DMV.

First step? Drivers license. My number was called up so fast I missed it and had to ask for a new number. Seriously. I wasn't expecting to get called up right away. I paid my fees. Showed my documentation. Took a written test. Which, is all fancy now. I haven't taken that test since 1996 and let me tell you. Fancy. Then the eye test. Then they hustled me over to get my picture taken (Which turned out crap of course. Why do I make the weird faces? WHY?). And I was done.

And with the exception of the guy who issued my eye test, who was terrifying, everyone was super duper friendly. Bizarre. I thought it was a national law that DMV employees hate their jobs. I mean, I would. I would be all surly and unpleasant. Just because I could. Maybe eye test guy had transferred from another state. Because he was scary.

The one hiccup was that I couldn't get my car registered. Turns out (and they didn't post this online) that I need more paperwork on the title of my car (because, you know, the bank owns it) that I didn't need in California. So that's gonna have to wait a while. But they were even nice about that. So weird.

They say keep Portland weird. And they mean it. I think this qualifies.

like a red rubber ball

The time has come, to talk of many things...no no no, Lewis Carol, get the eff out of my head so I can write something sensical. Right. Like anything that comes out of my fingertips is ever sensical. Oh well. Allow me to start over if you will. The time has come for bed, but naturally, that's the time my brain really turns on.

I had a good day today. When I tell you what happened today, you are going to want to climb into the computer and slap the living shit out of me, begging me to see reason. You are going to say, "DAMN, woman! You had a bad day. You had a BAD. DAY." But, I won't see reason. So you can just keep on a slappin'. In fact, that slap is starting to feel good. Hold on, let me put on some music. Uno dos tres...

Where was I? Oh yeah, my good day. Well, let's just list all the good points. I had a sucky as weekend. So I was glad to wake up in a good mood after a really, really good (damn good) dream. I was glad to be busy, to go to work and crack into some of my projects, to make a dent in my work. I normally despise Mondays with the core of my being, but I was stoked to go in today. So what if that's in comparison to my craptastic weekend? So what. Life is all relative, my friends. And I was ready to be happy today. Ready for a good, damn day.

So you can imagine my chagrin, my utter despair at discovering a missing valuable item. I went to the Target on my lunch break. side note: isn't life much better with definite articles? because I was looking for some pink shorts to wear at the cancer walk on Sunday. And I found some. Can you believe it? Happy days are here again. Right? Well, when I went to purchase said pink shorts, my wallet was gone. GONE. Like, not buried in my endless pit of a purse, in my monstrous sack of a bag. Gone. And let's clarify: I wasn't upset yet. I was only inconvenienced and irritated. Like, this is so entirely LAME!

So, then commenced the frantic search for the wallet. Never mind that I was driving licenseless. I retraced my steps, I called friends. Nada. Then commenced the canceling of the debit card, my corporate credit card, the iTunes card. Meh. I still wasn't upset. Even when I announced to the boss that I would be late tomorrow because I now have to subject myself to the insanity that is the California Department of Motor Vehicles, (I can think of a better explanation for the letters DMV, but I won't repeat them here) I wasn't upset. In fact, this whole ordeal has been kind of funny. Funny in an I just ran over one of my crazy cat lady neighbor's many cats kind of way. But still funny nonetheless.

It's kind of ridiculous right? I had the shittiest of shitty shittastic weekends and at work on Monday, my wallet disappears. And who does that kind of thing happen to? Me. Moi. Yours effing truly. It's highlarious.

I'm pretty sure it's stolen, and pretty sure it was right out of my office. Unless it fell out of my purse pit, I don't see how I could've lost it so easily. But, oh wells. What are you gonna do? I could wallow and cry and bitch, but I've already done enough of that for the next ten years so I'm all out of wallow. If you have some extra, I could bring myself to do a little, but only a little. I know my limits.

So whatevs. I'll spend my morning in the DMV (you're trying to figure out what words I was thinking of aren't you?) instead of doing the writing I need to for work. That's life. That's what all the people say. And still, and still, I had a good day. I enjoyed my happy hour with the therapist. Hell, that woman makes my day. And I enjoyed seeing Mo and drinking tea and getting her addition to my Halloween costume. Which, oh em gee, is the best costume in the history of Halloween. In the history of costumes. In the history of the world. The best. And I'm not even exaggerating. I'm just being honest. Is your curiosity piqued? GOOD! Because I'm not telling what it is. You have to wait for the pictures in one whole month. MUAHAHAHA!

I feel sexy when I do my evil laugh. I mean, don't you?