Tuesday, December 15, 2009

fat and happy

Today was a day of work holiday parties, the first being our annual all-staff lunch and oh em gee do I love this event! The food is all comfort food and dee-lish-us and while the thing can go pretty long, there is this raffle with some pretty damn good prizes. I always tell myself that I don't want to win, but dude, I totally do. Didn't happen this year, but some day, one of those wine baskets will be mine. I swear to Odin.

Then on to my divisional holiday party and my favorite part about this shindig is the food competition. There's always a theme and everyone brings a dish and then we all vote on the favorites. The voting isn't the best part. The eating is. I am so fat and happy right now. Mmmmm. I also might be slipping into a sugar coma. Someone call an ambulance. Hah!

So, even though I get absolutely no work done (and believe me, I have plenty to do before winter vacation), days like this work nicely into my new master plan: plump up for the winter. See, my plan has two genius elements. First, while all my female friends are watching their weight through the perilous holidays and becoming more and more crabby in the process, I am foregoing the misery and enjoying myself. Bring on the food, I say! Bring. It. On. And that brings me to the second benefit: more insulation. I plan to be nice and warm this winter once I'm done plumping up (not nearly close enough to my goal), while you dieters will be freezing your asses off. Proof: I have a coworker who recently lost a bunch of weight and he told me today that it's true. He is colder this year. So you see? I will be literally fat and happy and also toasty warm, while I eat toast. Genius.

Don't you all wish you were as smart as me, Internet? Now, seriously, someone please call an ambulance.

1 comments mean you love me:

TheTraveler said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ah yes, I remember the days of plumping for the winter to be warm, shedding for the summer to be HOT. The seemingly logical seasonal swing of women's weight.

But be fore warned that the cycle of plumping & shedding, can forever increase your fat cell count and once obtained, it can never be disowned! Shrink, yes, eliminate, no.

And alas, even those of us who are healthy, smart food consumers who workout religiously, will find that after 40, you're f*cked.

Now my summer HOT is equvilant to what used to be my winter PLUMP, and my winter plump is more a forceful BULGE, trying not to split the seams on my low slung jeans, just from smelling all those holiday yummies.

Enjoy it my young, slender friend, for your sugar comatosed days are numbered. =(

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