Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Random Thoughts of a Crazy Lady

Why must guys on motorcycles idle their engines for like an hour? I don't know much (read: nothing) about motorcycles, but my inner logic (read: craziness) says it doesn't tale 60 minutes (I'm good at the math) to get the engine idled properly and thus enabling driving. Like, does that makes sense to anyone?

And why are motorcycle engines so loud anyway? Are they made of lawnmower engines? I mean, hell, I could jump on a lawnmower and ride around town too, but that seems inefficient. Though loud. Since loud seems to be the main goal here: he who idles the loudest must have the largest penis. Is that right? If my logic is right (which it usually isn't), I'd judge that by the loudness of the lawnmower engine in that motorcycle, the vibrations must be pretty strong. So either the guy is riding the biggest fucking vibrator ever (lucky bastard) or his junk must be completely numb and useless. And because I hate him for idling his hog under my bedroom window at the asscrack of dawn this morning (How dare he not know I had a headache!), I'm gonna assume the latter. Numb junk it is.

This is the dumbest effing thing I've seen in my young life. But I love it so hard. Why, jeebus? WHY? But I do know why. It's like Steven Hawking as a cat. Kind of. Not really. But that's where I go in my head (My head is a frightening place. Really. I rarely brush my hair. So who knows what's living in there. Cue: ew.). (Thanks, Lilu, for sharing this avec moi.)

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time
Tuesday, October 12
Roast of David HasselhoffBig LakeIt's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Have any of you heard about this:
I'm thinking, AWESOME, because that SOB totes owes me a My Little Pony that he promised me in 1986 if I obeyed my parents. We had a deal, Jesus!  We had a deal and I intend to collect. 

I really need to write about my furniture projects soon. I will, I promise. How is it I'm so busy when I'm so unemployed. Huh? HUH? Wait, I'm not that busy. I'm just incredibly lazy. There's a difference. There's a difference. 

I also made my new blog masthead for August and am dying to put it up now. Would you all judge me if I posted my August masthead before it was actually August? Would you think me stupid? Or a liar? Or just slightly inaccurate? *sigh*

I'm also totes trying to figure out the whole blog badge thing (I wanted to type blog bladge. Doesn't that just sound better?), both for meself (Why do we need these things anyway? ahhh peer pressure is the spice of life.) and for a new photo contest that TheSuniverse and I are concocting (and will be FULL of the awesome sauce). But I am apparently rocking the lame sauce on the whole html thing. Blerg. 

10 comments mean you love me:

Anonymous said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

mmkay I'm thinking that if you can make a masthead you could probably do a button. bladge = button? And i'm not being snarky at all. i am jealous that you can make a masthead. I would never judge if you put it up now. Mostly because i am super curious. and nosy but not bitchy.

if jesus is coming and you get your My Little Pony than he owes me millions in lottery wins.

Andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

well, see, a masthead is easier because it doesn't require any html. I can make a pretty masthead or button, but I don't know how to make the code work. blerg.

I'll tell jesus to give you your millions when I get my My Little Pony. fo sho.


Lynnette said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So if Christ is coming, and gives you your little pony, text me his location so I can have a heated discussion with the so called "all powerful", he can keep all his shit though I just want to give him a piece of my mind(the not nice part). Todd maybe able to help with the button, not sure but you could ask (he likes computer projects). To make the motorcycle guy higher on your annoyed at list, I will tell you that he sat there revving his engine, then turned it off and went inside without going anywhere, which leads me to think your first assumption might have been correct.

Andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hahahahaha @ your comment about the motorcycle guy!

KLZ said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That video is unreasonably funny. I should not be so amused by the wheelchair bound cat.

Andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

right? like, it's so dumb, but so funny! how?

Ley said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ooooooooooh ANDY! I totally feel for you, that guy was a bastard for idling under your window at the asscrack of dawn (I think that might be my phrase du jour, merci!) but I now completely understand the love for the sound of a purring motorbike. I rode around on the back of my brother's best friend's Kawasaki Ninja for two days straight, and I loved every second of it. We went on this crazy long ride that was about 5 hours roundtrip in one day, and it was so worth it. And the numb junk? It happens. Of course, I don't have balls that can go numb, but my uterus was shaken up like a paint can on that ride. So it happens. But I promise: worth it.

Andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I would totes ride motorcycle! I just don't want an asshat idling under my window for an hour. not sure if I want my uterus shaken like a paint can either (btw, totally funny!), but it's pretty useless anyway, so what the hell!

Dawn said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

As much as I appreciate everyone's comments about my asscrack (Ha!) lemme 'splain about dees motorbikes. Especially if they are Harley flavored, they are cold, cold hearted bitches and require much foreplay before the main attraction, lest they sputter and die.

Side note: there is a motorcycle seat manufacturer that has designed a seat with a vibrator installed. It is connected to the throttle of the bike, so the faster you go, the faster you GO.

Love the post. Can't wait for the new masthead.

PS: My word verification is "indorker". The name calling is sooo not necessary.

Andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I was really hoping you would comment, Dawn, and explain the mysteries of motorcycles. so idling is for its benefit. check. why are they so loud though?

I might consider the vibrator seat. you know, for a good cause. for vaginas everywhere.

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