Tuesday, April 19, 2011

All Annoyed

 For some reason, I'm all annoyed at my blog right now. Annoyed at its existence.

I know why but I don't know why. Blerg.

My blog has always been my safe space to just be me. So when life gets crazy, usually I find solace in this space.

Right now? I'm swamped. I've got my new job (which I'm loooooving!), but still have my freelance gig which should end mid May. Plus I've got Sprocket Ink and blogging AND I'm moving.

That's a lot of balls in the air.


I am one busy chiquita. Top that off with Jeté got sick last week (turns out a bit of toxic poising. long story. she's ok now) and I've been exhausted. And I've been trying to date. But I'll get to that in a minute.

The thing is: except for my furbaby getting sick, I like each of those elements and don't want to be doing anything else. I like the nice double paycheck I have going right now. I love love love Sprocket Ink. And I love my blog. I do. It's the place I've cultivated for myself and I love sharing it with you all.

But it's the last place I want to be right now. I look around me at all I have to do and I sneer at my blog with utter irritation. I don't want to respond to comments (which is usually one of my fave parts of blogging). I don't want to write (but am making myself right now. hello, therapy!). I just want it to be in a coma for a while so I can ignore it or something. Not that if a person I loved was in a coma I'd ignore him or her. But if my blog would just shut up for a while, maybe I could gather my thoughts.

How to the ever loving ever, the last thing I want is my blog to suffer, especially if I'm writing somewhere else. I get SO annoyed at bloggers that get a second writing gig and abandon their blogs. I read their other writing because I loved their blogs first. Our blogs are we we begin. Readers connect through the blogs. The rest is a bonus, I feel.

First and foremost, I want my blog to remain where I express myself and connect with my readers.

And at the end of the day, I want to be a writer. My paychecks are just what pay the bills. I'll never give up writing.

But something has to give. So I'm looking at my social life first. Right now? I just don't have time to "date." Have sex? Yeah I could make time for that. But all the wooing and connecting and posturing that comes with the beginnings of a relationship? Can't do it now. I just can't fit it in.

And yes, I'm a little schizo when it comes to what I want romantically. Right this moment, I just want casual. If I were already in a committed relationship, that would be great. We'd have routines and be able to help each other. I'd love support from a someone.

But it's so much goddamn work at the beginning and I just don't have it in me.

And if I met the most wonderfullest someone that I just knew I'd want to pursue, I guess I'd make it work. But what I'm looking for (or passively not looking) is casual. 

So I went on a first date a week or so ago. It was fine. He was cool. VERY good looking. But then I got sick last weekend (serious. I was down for the count.) and then I started the new job. Needless to say, I haven't been available. And this dude is turning out to be kinda needy. Like majorly high maintenance. And trying WAY too hard. And I'm finding myself totally turned off.

Like, there's being nice and being yourself and all that good stuff. But when someone tries too hard and gets all needy (especially at the beginning), I can't deal. For one, you're not being yourself. Just relax and see what happens yo! It's not the end of the world. Two, I don't need needy. I don't need codependent. I am fiercely independent, almost unhealthily so. I can't deal with someone who's not at least somewhat like that.

So I think I'm over this dude. Too high maintenance. 


Back to blogging. (sorry this post is so rambling)

Like I said, I don't necessarily want to neglect Le Blog, but I may neglect it a little. Just until I've moved or I am down to only one job.

Maybe I won't post every single day and take a day off here and there. Taking Saturdays off has been completely wonderful so I don't doubt a blog sick day here and there would feel awesome.

I'll also maybe write a teensy bit less and share more photos. You love the photos yes?

I'm also giving up one day at Sprocket Ink. Sucks but I can't post three days a week there and neglect my blog first. Ya KNOW?

Lastly, I'll still do my best to respond to comments, but probably won't always respond individually. At least for a while.

Yikes. And I move in two weeks and have just begun to pack. Wish me luck!

13 comments mean you love me:

Skye said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I understand. don't let your blog stress you out or become a chore! quality of writing matters more than quantity. we can live with fewer blog posts (especially if you keep posting pretty pictures). good luck moving! :)

Amanda Richards said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Nothing worse than a high maintenance guy! Don't stress yourself out, post some funny pics (or not). You just started a new job, of course things are kinda crazy right now! You didn't even include the food issues, either!

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

No worries, we will still be here when things have calmed down a bit. Who needs needy anyway?

Good that Jete is better. Nice that the job is good and the blog - always a pleasure. Finally, yes your photos rock so bring 'em on!

Good luck with the move!

Kit said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Maybe you could just post a short one, and it wouldn't take so much?

Bitter Betty said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sound slike you've quite a bit on your plate. I don't think anyone of your readers will protest you taking a mini vacay from your blog, just until the dust settles a bit in your life. All of this chaos right now is making you a wee bit bitter about the blog, which I know you love dearly. So maybe take a step or two back, do what you need to do. We'll all still be here. Loves you lots, sending good vibes your way.
Maybe moving should be our joint business venture? We could be "Two Hot Chicks Moving?" No, no, I really loath moving, but we are getting to be professionals at it aren't we? Love you, if you need a dose of bitter, you know where you can find me *wink*

PorkStar said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Take it easy, you also need your own personal space, away from the blog, it's totally understandable. I used to write every day on it too but I've gotten so busy over the years that now it's down to once or twice a week. It sucks but real life comes first.

Do what you have to do and looking forward to reading more of your blog.

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am a huge proponent of the blog-cation. Obviously.

Suniverse said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, honey. Take care of yourself.

1. Drop down to 5 days. Or 4.

2. Pictures are awesome. I'm always amazed at your gift.

3. Yes, comments are awesome, but you don't have to do them all the time. When you can. I'm still trying to work them in.

4. Poor Jete!

5. Moving. Sucks. Good luck with that. Use lots of boxes and label everything.

6. Your social life will happen when it happens. No rush.


Yuliya said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Poor kitty! Glad to hear that is all better.

I just went through a "blah blog" phase, and honestly I'm still going through it...I think we all question it at one point or another, an existential bloggy crisis of sorts.

The only I recommend is time off, like a week :) Then you'll be itching to write again.

Satan said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

better than me... i usually wait til the last week, then panic. usually, even when moving all the way across the country, which i've done twice.

and ya know, we definitely won't blame you if you don't write every day! gives me something to look forward to when you do post. and it always sucks to get burnout. give yourself some space - you deserve it if you need it. : ]

DB Stewart said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

No worries. Blog when you can.

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, goodness! you have PLENTY of stuff keeping you busy - just cut back where you need to, and regroup later.

And for Needy McNeederson? I couldn't handle someone like that either. Grow a pair, dude!

Anonymous said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

First of all, I'm glad the kitteh is better.

Second of all, I'm a magnet for needy, co-dependent, mama's boys. So I can relate to that date of yours. Definitely not a keeper.

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