Wednesday, December 1, 2010

what I want you to see

You may or may not know about my Twitter addiction. And well (the hell if I understand why), I get flirted with A LOT (clicky the linky) on the Twitters. A lot. A lot. A lot.

Normally, I don't really mind. I fend off the wolves with my sharp barbs and caustic wit. Dudes are dudes and apparently can't control themselves and all that.

Except I don't actually believe that.  It's bullshit. I think that good guys are capable of behaving like decent human beings even on Twitter. I know plenty of nice guys there who treat me like a friend, not a conquest or a sex toy.

Zeus forbid having an actual picture of myself up as my profile pic just be that. But it seemed to be an invitation to come on to me with gale force.

And, well, after the last week, I was fucking sick of it.

Goddammit, my picture which you find attractive and my single girl status does not mean I am asking to be harassed. If I say back off, back the fuck off. It's like the "she asked for it" rapist defense. Me just being me is not asking for your advances.

Also, me being me with a foul mouth and an openness to sex does not make me your toy. This is why we can't discuss sex openly as adults, because these kinds of guys take it as permission to whip out their dicks and spray their testosterone all over everything.

Anyway, I could bitch about this more, but it defeats my goal of finding my bliss and all.

But the other night, I was just completely and utterly sick of being a "pretty girl."

Before you laugh, please remember my post from a couple of weeks ago. Pretty is nothing. Pretty is unimportant. I am so much more than merely pretty. I don't even want to care about pretty. I want it to be an afterthought. I whisper on the breeze that nobody hears.

I want to be badass. I want to be brilliant. I want to be fearless and trailblazing and strong.

So the other night, I took down the photo of myself (it was apparently too attractive) and put up a drawing of a banshee. Just to scare off the penises for a bit.

But then I thought, no, that wasn't exactly what I was going for. I don't want to be feared; I want to be respected. I want to channel brilliance and strength.

So I changed it to a photo of Susan B Anthony. Because I needed to channel what she was, what she stood for, what she made happen. Sure, it's not a photo of myself and I'm sure if I tried, I could be a part of something so monumental, but this isn't about reality.

This is about sending a message about who I AM and what I want others to see in me. Not my neck. Not my eyes. Not what YOU want to see. What I want you to see.

My mind. My fortitude. My tenacity.

That's what I want others to see. My wit. My friendship. My strength.

Not pretty. Pretty is inconsequential. Pretty is shallow and petty and ridiculous.

I do want certain people to see my pretty. Only after they love all the rest of me. Pretty is just a bonus. A bow on top of the package that is me.

36 comments mean you love me:

JP said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

The sexiest part of a woman is her mind.

I want my woman to not just "be" sexy, but to think sexy too.

AND she has to be able to have a conversation. I've flirted with women before and gotten 4-5 messages into the conversation and determined that she's as smart as my dog and dropped them even though, supposedly, they were physically hot as hell. Just not worth it.

I don't flirt with you because you're physically attractive. I flirt with you because your mind is sexy as hell.

JMHO.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Great post!!! I've always been the type to go for personality over looks...except one time, HUGE mistake! LOL

Portland Dad said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

We are all so reductive and miss most of what makes people great and twitter feeds into that. Small bites of information that we interpret through our own lens. I'm sorry that you have been more object than intellect lately. That is unfair and dudes are missing out by reducing you to pretty.

Colleen said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Good for you! Susan B. Anthony was an amazing woman who stood up for women's intelligence and their ability to make their own decisions, despite what men said.

I understand wanting to be attractive; it's usually what you first notice about another person (we shallow creatures). But you don't date someone because they're pretty, but because of who they are as a person.

I want guys to think I'm pretty, but first I want them to know that I am intelligent, strong-willed, independent, and abso-fucking-lutely amazing. And if they can't see that, screw them.

Remember that movie Miss Congeniality? When the announcer was listing each winner, he also gave some of their background. And those pageant women were businesswomen, nuclear chemists, and held PhDs.

Pretty is a bonus, but pretty don't pay the bills. Or guarantee lasting relationships.

So yay empowerment!

Caren Gittleman said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I loved this post!

You gooooooooo girl! (I keep saying that but it is true)

You reminded me of when I was in college. My best feature is my eyes....everyone would comment on my eyes (they are green and clear, kind of like a cat's surprise, surprise)

I had my own personal "law" that when a guy would "hit on me" at a bar, or where ever, if they complimented my eyes AT ALL....it was a deal breaker...I would refuse to date them.

I wanted someone who could "see" past the obvious, someone who didn't resort to sugary compliments but who appreciated ME for the strong, smart, funny woman that I am......

Kudos to you girlfriend for having SUBSTANCE!!

xoxo

Eman said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Good for you. Cheers to the REAL you... bow or no bow.

Lizzy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

"I want to be badass. I want to be brilliant. I want to be fearless and trailblazing and strong"

You?
Are all of these things.
Love ya missy!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

ohmygoodness thank you for all of your kind comments. I agree with you all!

*rawr*

KLZ said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

A bow on the top. That's the perfect phrasing for it.

You are gorgeous my lady - but that ain't why I come around these parts.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

aw, K! that was the sweetest comment!

Alex@LateEnough said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I love this. And your Susan B. Anthony-ness.

The flirty lameness of Twitter irritates me when I notice it.

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Looks can cause an initial interest perhaps but if the personality isn't there then all the prettiness in the world is not going to make it interesting, fun or worth it.

Loved the post! Your mind, strength and wit seeps through in your posts and THAT is what makes this a great blog and that naturally links back to your personality. Just my opinion, even though I do not know you personally :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Alex- thanks, love! as it does me. so irritating.

Nush- thanks much! prob is, I rarely find someone attractive or unattractive until I know them. so I have a hard time understanding how a photo can get people so worked up. :)

theconstantlinguist.org said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

What you said above I think sums my views up on the subject.

Looks are one thing, but I can't develop a real attraction to anyone I can't have long and fun conversations with. Intelligence is sexy. Humor is sexy. Wit - which I guess is the combination of both - is doubly sexy. You possess all three.

. . . there's a "reading this blog is orgasmic" joke somewhere in there, but I'm not sure if I'm at the level of comedy where I can pull it off properly.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thank you

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I noticed you had changed your pic.

My fave line in all this is: whip out their dicks and spray their testosterone all over everything.

Sheer awesomeness!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thanks!!! *bows*

Suniverse said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You make me happy every day.

You are a strong, amazing woman. You have so much to offer everyone.

I'm sorry people are shitty.

You rock.

[Also, how hilarious is it that my captcha word is TWITR]

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sun, you rock my world. power fist bumps for women!

also: hilarious. sometimes I think captcha is psychic.

brandy-son Zen master flash said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I want to be badass too.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

then I declare it so!

Lauren Marie said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

There are absolutely times that I wish I could make people see me for who I know I am, rather than who they think I am. I'm proud of you for forcing people to look beyond the shallow and to actually see your intelligence and your wit.

You already know I'm totally behind you on this one, since your homage to SBA sparked a lengthy discussion the other night. Good stuff! But for what it's worth, how pretty you are or aren't is unimportant to me. I think you're awesome because you are a triple threat: smart, funny, and strong.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Lauren, my dear, I love ya hard! *muah*

Melissa S said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Miss Andy, you have a beautiful heart.
All those things you want to be, you are them and so much more. You are awesome to the nth degree. :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

well that was just super super sweet! thank you!

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Boys are so stupid sometimes.

But ... I'm still allowed to flirt with you, right?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

baby, you must always flirt with me!

Satan said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

hells yes on this. i feel like this all the time, and my job is to be stared at. and all the time i wish anyone would even acknowledge the fact that i have a brain.

nikki04 said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Amen, sister! Love this post!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Satan- I can see how that would be a casualty with your job. :)

nikki-thank you!!

Sandra said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That's because you're young. Wait till you're in your 40s and still pretty. You'll be putting your picture back up and hoping for all the flirting...oh wait, that's me... :)
Good post. However it made me wildly jealous and wishing I could be you!

Laura said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks for writing this! I'm not quite the man target you are on Twitter, but I have had a few similiar experiences, and it's frustrating. Way to keep it real, Andy!

Mrs. B. said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Awesomeness:

"Also, me being me with a foul mouth and an openness to sex does not make me your toy. This is why we can't discuss sex openly as adults, because these kinds of guys take it as permission to whip out their dicks and spray their testosterone all over everything."

Made me spit tea on my keyboard!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thanks so much!!

Karina said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I wish I was pretty! I would gladly trade bodies with you! You could prove to the world that you are amazing, even though you're fat and pig-nosed, and I could finally get lucky!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

oh Karina, I'm sure that's not true. but the thing is, it's not even about pretty. in real life, I'm average and happy to be so. it's more a perception of sex online. all men want is tits and ass.

I was a VERY late bloomer and developed a personality first. so I value that first too. pretty was an afterthought and I don't know that it's worth it.

*hugs* to you! thanks for reading.

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