You may or may not know about my Twitter addiction. And well (the hell if I understand why), I get flirted with A LOT (clicky the linky) on the Twitters. A lot. A lot. A lot.
Normally, I don't really mind. I fend off the wolves with my sharp barbs and caustic wit. Dudes are dudes and apparently can't control themselves and all that.
Except I don't actually believe that. It's bullshit. I think that good guys are capable of behaving like decent human beings even on Twitter. I know plenty of nice guys there who treat me like a friend, not a conquest or a sex toy.
Zeus forbid having an actual picture of myself up as my profile pic just be that. But it seemed to be an invitation to come on to me with gale force.
And, well, after the last week, I was fucking sick of it.
Goddammit, my picture which you find attractive and my single girl status does not mean I am asking to be harassed. If I say back off, back the fuck off. It's like the "she asked for it" rapist defense. Me just being me is not asking for your advances.
Also, me being me with a foul mouth and an openness to sex does not make me your toy. This is why we can't discuss sex openly as adults, because these kinds of guys take it as permission to whip out their dicks and spray their testosterone all over everything.
Anyway, I could bitch about this more, but it defeats my goal of finding my bliss and all.
But the other night, I was just completely and utterly sick of being a "pretty girl."
Before you laugh, please remember my post from a couple of weeks ago. Pretty is nothing. Pretty is unimportant. I am so much more than merely pretty. I don't even want to care about pretty. I want it to be an afterthought. I whisper on the breeze that nobody hears.
I want to be badass. I want to be brilliant. I want to be fearless and trailblazing and strong.
So the other night, I took down the photo of myself (it was apparently too attractive) and put up a drawing of a banshee. Just to scare off the penises for a bit.
But then I thought, no, that wasn't exactly what I was going for. I don't want to be feared; I want to be respected. I want to channel brilliance and strength.
So I changed it to a photo of Susan B Anthony. Because I needed to channel what she was, what she stood for, what she made happen. Sure, it's not a photo of myself and I'm sure if I tried, I could be a part of something so monumental, but this isn't about reality.
This is about sending a message about who I AM and what I want others to see in me. Not my neck. Not my eyes. Not what YOU want to see. What I want you to see.
My mind. My fortitude. My tenacity.
That's what I want others to see. My wit. My friendship. My strength.
Not pretty. Pretty is inconsequential. Pretty is shallow and petty and ridiculous.
I do want certain people to see my pretty. Only after they love all the rest of me. Pretty is just a bonus. A bow on top of the package that is me.
1 year ago