Tuesday, December 14, 2010

my Hooha deserves some luxury

You know what my hooha needs? A little luxury.

That's right. You heard me.

After all these years of The Sex, my vajayjay has to have what she thinks of as "luxurious" sexy time.

And the way things are going? Ain't never gonna happen.

Don't get me wrong, I've had some goooood sexy time. Sweaty, yummy, sexy time. Deliciously dirty sexy time.

The penises in my life haven't all been, shall we say, solid gold. A select few have been down right terrific in action, though. And I've even had a few magic Os during The Sex from time to time. True story.

But let's be honest. It's never been...extravagant. Never been coating in gold. I mean, really.

Even my solo time, which, well, you know, I know whats I likes, has never been as lavish as my hooha deserves. Now, I know how to make it happen and I don't want to put down Rosie, but she's an inexpensive red vibe that fit my budget. She's like the practical car of vibes. She does the job and never quits on me. She gives me 10 to fifteen O faces and I'm a satisfied gal.

But Rosie needs a pretty sister to look up to. Someone shiny and opulent she can look up to, can aspire to be like one day.

And my hooha? She needs more. She needs some sexy time out of my budget. She needs something lustrous and fancy and downright decadent to rock her world.

Which is why I need to win a 24K Gold Jimmyjane Vibrator.

You heard me right. 24K gold for your hooha. I don't even wear gold around my neck (teehee) let alone up my vaj.

It's time this lady had some luxury. And this luxury? is fully loaded.

Behold, the Jimmyjane Little Gold:
See? I need this in me.





 Thus sayeth my lady friend Mommy Wants Vodka:

The Little Gold Vibrator is  waterproof  so you can take it with you into the shower or submerge it into warm or cold water to mix up your experience, should you like. For a vibrator, it’s incredibly quiet, which means that for those of you with children, your kids won’t be running in to see if aliens are attacking in your bedroom.  The vibrator comes with a three year limited warranty, which is good for people like me who tend to break sex toys.


Does it sound better than that? Fuck me. Literally.

And as it happens? Toy With Me is giving one away (you know, those dolls who write sexy toy reviews?). I shit not. And I will win. Hell yes I will.

Do I have to continue to say why? I don't think I do. If you don't understand why my vajayjay deserves a little gold, well, then you must not have a vagina. Sucks for you and your single orgasm. That's right. I said it.

Vaginas rock. But mine would rock more with some gold vibrating goodness.

Awwwwyeah.

~~~~~~~~~~

* This just in: I WON!!!!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know a review will be happening right?

19 comments mean you love me:

chlstephen said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I just hope that's not pictured actual size.

Scott said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I AM jealous of you and your googleplex-enabled-orgasm Vaginarium of Joy, in fact. You don't need to rub it in (ha!).

But what of the dangers? This fancy device may work absolute wonders on the down-low and in the down-low, but you know how people who wear gold rings sometimes have their fingers turn green from a chemical reaction with the gold?

This thing could be so phenomenal that you employ it to reach Big Number 16 so often, you'll look like the Statue of Liberty down in there. Is that a real turn-on? Yes, it is, to some of us who have female-Kermit fetishes. I say go for it.

Wow, that comment took a turn even I didn't expect.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

christephen, hah! no, not to scale. :)

Scott- I'm pretty sure those people aren't wearing real gold. real gold shouldn't turn my hooha green. but hell, what do we have against green people? I'm not greenist.

KLZ said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This makes me giggle. Because I am twelve. So good - hope you win!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

wow gold! wonder what the people at Cash for Gold would say if you tried to turn that in for money? LOL

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

KLZ- teehee! thanks!

Bird- BAAAAHAHAHA! too funny!

Kimber Leszczuk. said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Good luck to you - I hope you win!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thanks, Kimber!

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This post alone should qualify you as the winner. Good luck, Andy!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thanks!!!

Laura said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

this thing looks beyond amazing. I just entered the contest!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

nooo it's MINE! haha!

The Barreness said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hokay, I was all set to solve your problem with a sinlge (albeit expected) word: Spaniard.

But this... THIS is a masterpiece!

I think a owman such as me (self proclaimed hedonist with no obligations or emotional attachments) should TOTALLY have this resting comfortably in the top drawer.

I will have to make some room, of course...

Well done and gracias por the recco!

- B x

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

haha! I'd take a Spaniard too.

enjoy your gold! xoxo

Addie said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Wow I love you.

toywithme said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oops, sorry Andy I thought I left a comment the first time I read this. Great job!! You have some awesome followers! Good luck on the contest.

Queen Cat said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Congratulations! Your hooha must be smiling now. We are all happy for you. QueenCat

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

THANKS!

Jenny said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Good luck, Andy!

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