Monday, December 13, 2010

Random Thoughts of a Crazy Lady

Random thoughts are BACK! Did you miss them? I know you diiiiid.

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This is 2010. A few weeks away from 2011. So, I ask you, in this technological modern age of cloning and stem cells and iPads and the Grand Internets, why have we not evolved beyond the need to pee?

It's so inconvenient. Such a hassle. I hate having to pee. Don't get me wrong, when I really have to pee, nothing feels better than peeing. But I hate having to.

You'd think someone would have invented the technology to eradicate peeing by now. It's a disgrace upon society is what it is.

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I'm wondering if there's some special holiday in Portland that I'm not aware of. Chanukah is over, yes? Christmas is weeks away?

So why is everyone in the Portland area at the grocery stores lately? It's a mad house. No matter what time of day I go, it takes me a half hour to find parking and the stores are packed.

Is there something I'm missing? Do Portlanders just take their holiday cooking THAT seriously that they shop weeks ahead?

Or is it the apocalypse and no one told me? Is everyone stocking their fallout shelters?

*sigh*

No one tells me anything.

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I'm beginning to think this whole cat cancer thing is really a plot by my cat to kill me. I mean, because the world revolves around me right? Doesn't it?

I never thought that I thought the world revolves around me, but you know, I might. Until someone tells you something like that, you never realize it's true.

But you sit down. And you digest what they've said. You accept that everyone tells the truth all of the time and that they always have your best interest at heart. And you go, yes, yes I am a selfish brat. The world is revolves around me and I am the SUN!

And then you bask in your fiery glory.

Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah! Cat cancer. It sucks. And now Jeté has outsmarted the pills and there is no way that has been thought of short of cat hypnosis that can get this medication down her gullet and stay there.

Before you leave me a comment on your trick to get a cat to take medicine, let me remind you of a few things:
  1. I have tried it all. If one more person gives me a tip, however well meaning, I will punch that person in the eyelid. 
  2. My cat is the smartest, most devious cat in the world. She is smarter than your cat. Yes she is. Shut the fuck up. 
  3. She can make herself throw up pills. So even if I get them into her stomach, they come right back up. My cat is medication bulimic. True story.
  4. My cat is actually trying to kill me. Because the stress of this might actually make my head implode. Not figuratively, junkmuch, ACTUALLY.
  5. The world revolves around me, so I don't really want to hear it. But if you were paying attention, you'd know that, so try to keep up.
If I die, I have one request: don't let Jeté kill any more people. She must be stopped.

Okay, two requests: please make sure Hobbes gets plenty of belly rubs. I almost typed subs. That would have been something entirely different.

*amendment: you all know I use the sarcasm font, right? I don't hate your advice. Your support is much appreciated. 
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I have a friend Don who has generously agreed to help raise money for Jeté's treatment:
"...beginning today and until Jeté gets better, I will donate all of the proceeds from sales of photos or photo merchandise from my SmugMug gallery to Jeté's treatment fund. If you're looking for a gift for the holidays or something to decorate your home or office with, I hope you'll consider it. You can order prints, coffee cups, kitchen aprons -- just about anything you can imagine putting a photo on."
 Thanks so much to Don for this help! It's so incredibly appreciated. And now you guys have one more way to help my furbaby. Please go check his blog out. 

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I tweeted something the other day which sparked some controversy. I said something like, I hate when TV characters fall I love so fast. I call bullshit.

Which I do. It wasn't commentary on love at first sight, per se, though I don't believe in love at first site, it was more a commentary on how I believe love is slow to bloom and that TV doesn't portray that well. I think it creates unrealistic expectations. When people don't feel that fast jolt of LOVE, they move on. They don't wait to see what kind of love is lying in wait. The kind of love that can only exist when you know someone so deeply well that you every part of them becomes a package of love.

That kind of love can't exist with love at first sight or even after one or a couple months. It takes time. My young, yet wise beyond is years, friend Mario said it beautifully, "People come to expect perfection – they start thinking everyone else has to fit their perceptions, and then they make little/no effort to mold into relationships. Everything becomes less fluid, more brittle, harder, rockier. It's bad."

Why is it so offensive to be a different kind of romantic? One that doesn't believe in immediate love, but the "slow bloom of affection?" I think it's romantic to fall in love over time. To get to know someone at their core. I find that a lovely thought,

But not only that, I was wondering, why does non belief bother believers so? It's okay that we don't believe the same things. It's okay to believe in love at first sight, if, I think, you acknowledge that it's maybe rare and don't expect it. But that's just my opinion.

Just like I don't believe in a god, but I also recognize that millions of people believe in a god and it's perfectly okay that they do. I respect that. I don't think they're stupid or liars because of their beliefs. But I also don't concede that a god could possibly exist because I don't believe that. Just as they don't concede that a god couldn't exist, because they see god in their lives.

So why does my unbelief offend believers? Is it because I make them question their beliefs? That's not my intention. But I also don't believe in hiding my thoughts simply because they're different. I'm okay with coexisting. Why is it that hard?

Oh I know! The world must revolve around ME! Dur. Keep up, Andy.

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This makes me giggle so hard. Mostly I just love that girl and how much she cracks up. I can't help it. laughter is contagious.

You really only need to watch though 1 minute.



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Oh and also: PMS is a motherfucking bitch. My tits hurt. I feel like a crazy person. I kind of want to kill a random male just to restore balance to the universe (because life is nothing without balance.). And I have yet to get that damn phone call from Aunt Flo. A phone I don't really want anyway. But if she doesn't call soon, I'm gonna give her a hearty junkpunch.

This is about how I feel right now:
Piss me off. I dare you.
And guys think it's fun my boobs are swollen. Come on. Try to touch them. It'll be fun. I promise.

19 comments mean you love me:

Liz said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I had no idea goats made that kind of noise!

Jete better fall in line; you're working your ass off for that cat! :)

Jackie T said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

1. I'm sorry I tried to give advice about cat pills (altho I did try to say your situation seemed a lot more difficult, therefore half a point?)
2. Love at first sight... I think I agree with both. For me, I think there needs to be a beginning spark. You know, I see at least 1,000 guys on a typical day. I have Many guy friends. Love at first sight wld make me such a skank ho (I mean, CO is the healthiest state & let me say, there are so many Healthy looking lads here & by that I mean eye-candy. There is a lot of eye-loving at first sight). At the same time, I have guy friends who I've been close with for Years, who I absolutely adore, who I want the best for & therefore have not fallen into anything romantically because I do love them want the best for them & know that in not being attracted to them, I would only hurt them. So I don't think there's love at first sight, I think there's spark at first sight & I think that's an important thing to listen to... just my thoughts on the matter though...

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you are so right about PMS...that picture cracked me up! LOL

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Liz- right? why doesn't she see that?

Jackie- oh hon, I was just being sarcastic. I appreciate the support.

Bird- snort. me too. every time I look at it.

Alex@LateEnough said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I hate peeing.

My cat will tongue her medicine for TWENTY MINUTES and the second I walk away, she SPITS IT BACK UP.

I believe in all kinds of love. I think that people who are uncomfortable with other people's belief are actually not comfortable in their own. (Unless the other person is really mean about it. Then I say TAKE THEM DOWN.)

Kimberly said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You mean to tell me that every kiss does not start with Kay?
Also peeing sucks. Especially after shatting out a kid. I think he poked holes in my bladder on the way out.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Alex- your cat sounds like an asshole. just like mine. and right? I will so take them down.

Kimberly- no, no it doesn't. it starts with Jack, Margarita, and Jose. and that's not love. and that sounds...lovely. ;)

meleah rebeccah said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

*I hate HAVING to pee too!

* Yes, Hanukkah is OVER. And YES, the grocery stores and EVERY OTHER store is mad crazy packed with people. Shopping is a total nightmare.

* That was so nice of your friend Don who helped raise money for Jeté's treatment!

* I believe in ALL kinds of love. Slow blooming and At First Sight

* That goat was so funny!

* And I hear you on the PMS. I swear mine gets worse every month!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

but why are the grocery stores so packed? WHY?

Kimber Leszczuk. said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I feel the same about the monthly thing! OMG I just wanna hit someone when they try to touch them when they hurt like that!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

right? like, they might be bigger but they hurt like hell and I'll kill anyone who comes near.

*hugs*

Lynnette said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I think we need to get our priorities straight. Peeing okay it can be annoying but let's do something about PMS first once we eradicate that we can move on to peeing.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

word!

Jackie T said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm not gonna lie, _I_ want to touch my boobs during the monthly thing, except it's so not worth it.

(also, I knew you were joking, though I assume the comment came out of frustration)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

<3 you, woman.

Butterbean said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

you took the words right out of my mouth, because seriously? i'm so over the need to pee. someone fix this.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

RIGHT? exactly.

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Yeah I know what you mean with the whole PMS thing... committing serious damage to others does seem very likely those days. Oh and throwing items out of the windows...like computers....

Cats have their own agenda...ruling the world by taking us out one by one....

Love at first sight....maybe it does exist and maybe we just mistake it for chemical attraction (god that sounds boring) but hey, whatever works. :)

Enjoyed your random post. Made me laugh out loud which cures all PMS issues (for a little while anyway).

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

thanks, darlin'! glad someone else is suffering with me. ;)

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