Random Thoughts of a Crazy Lady

Random thoughts are BACK! Did you miss them? I know you diiiiid.

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This is 2010. A few weeks away from 2011. So, I ask you, in this technological modern age of cloning and stem cells and iPads and the Grand Internets, why have we not evolved beyond the need to pee?

It's so inconvenient. Such a hassle. I hate having to pee. Don't get me wrong, when I really have to pee, nothing feels better than peeing. But I hate having to.

You'd think someone would have invented the technology to eradicate peeing by now. It's a disgrace upon society is what it is.

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I'm wondering if there's some special holiday in Portland that I'm not aware of. Chanukah is over, yes? Christmas is weeks away?

So why is everyone in the Portland area at the grocery stores lately? It's a mad house. No matter what time of day I go, it takes me a half hour to find parking and the stores are packed.

Is there something I'm missing? Do Portlanders just take their holiday cooking THAT seriously that they shop weeks ahead?

Or is it the apocalypse and no one told me? Is everyone stocking their fallout shelters?

*sigh*

No one tells me anything.

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I'm beginning to think this whole cat cancer thing is really a plot by my cat to kill me. I mean, because the world revolves around me right? Doesn't it?

I never thought that I thought the world revolves around me, but you know, I might. Until someone tells you something like that, you never realize it's true.

But you sit down. And you digest what they've said. You accept that everyone tells the truth all of the time and that they always have your best interest at heart. And you go, yes, yes I am a selfish brat. The world is revolves around me and I am the SUN!

And then you bask in your fiery glory.

Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah! Cat cancer. It sucks. And now Jeté has outsmarted the pills and there is no way that has been thought of short of cat hypnosis that can get this medication down her gullet and stay there.

Before you leave me a comment on your trick to get a cat to take medicine, let me remind you of a few things:

1. I have tried it all. If one more person gives me a tip, however well meaning, I will punch that person in the eyelid. 
2. My cat is the smartest, most devious cat in the world. She is smarter than your cat. Yes she is. Shut the fuck up. 
3. She can make herself throw up pills. So even if I get them into her stomach, they come right back up. My cat is medication bulimic. True story.
4. My cat is actually trying to kill me. Because the stress of this might actually make my head implode. Not figuratively, junkmuch, ACTUALLY.
5. The world revolves around me, so I don't really want to hear it. But if you were paying attention, you'd know that, so try to keep up.

If I die, I have one request: don't let Jeté kill any more people. She must be stopped.

Okay, two requests: please make sure Hobbes gets plenty of belly rubs. I almost typed subs. That would have been something entirely different.

*amendment: you all know I use the sarcasm font, right? I don't hate your advice. Your support is much appreciated. 
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I have a friend Don who has generously agreed to help raise money for Jeté's treatment:

"...beginning today and until Jeté gets better, I will donate all of the proceeds from sales of photos or photo merchandise from my SmugMug gallery to Jeté's treatment fund. If you're looking for a gift for the holidays or something to decorate your home or office with, I hope you'll consider it. You can order prints, coffee cups, kitchen aprons -- just about anything you can imagine putting a photo on."

 Thanks so much to Don for this help! It's so incredibly appreciated. And now you guys have one more way to help my furbaby. Please go check his blog out. 

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I tweeted something the other day which sparked some controversy. I said something like, I hate when TV characters fall I love so fast. I call bullshit.

Which I do. It wasn't commentary on love at first sight, per se, though I don't believe in love at first site, it was more a commentary on how I believe love is slow to bloom and that TV doesn't portray that well. I think it creates unrealistic expectations. When people don't feel that fast jolt of LOVE, they move on. They don't wait to see what kind of love is lying in wait. The kind of love that can only exist when you know someone so deeply well that you every part of them becomes a package of love.

That kind of love can't exist with love at first sight or even after one or a couple months. It takes time. My young, yet wise beyond is years, friend Mario said it beautifully, "People come to expect perfection – they start thinking everyone else has to fit their perceptions, and then they make little/no effort to mold into relationships. Everything becomes less fluid, more brittle, harder, rockier. It's bad."

Why is it so offensive to be a different kind of romantic? One that doesn't believe in immediate love, but the "slow bloom of affection?" I think it's romantic to fall in love over time. To get to know someone at their core. I find that a lovely thought,

But not only that, I was wondering, why does non belief bother believers so? It's okay that we don't believe the same things. It's okay to believe in love at first sight, if, I think, you acknowledge that it's maybe rare and don't expect it. But that's just my opinion.

Just like I don't believe in a god, but I also recognize that millions of people believe in a god and it's perfectly okay that they do. I respect that. I don't think they're stupid or liars because of their beliefs. But I also don't concede that a god could possibly exist because I don't believe that. Just as they don't concede that a god couldn't exist, because they see god in their lives.

So why does my unbelief offend believers? Is it because I make them question their beliefs? That's not my intention. But I also don't believe in hiding my thoughts simply because they're different. I'm okay with coexisting. Why is it that hard?

Oh I know! The world must revolve around ME! Dur. Keep up, Andy.

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This makes me giggle so hard. Mostly I just love that girl and how much she cracks up. I can't help it. laughter is contagious.

You really only need to watch though 1 minute.



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Oh and also: PMS is a motherfucking bitch. My tits hurt. I feel like a crazy person. I kind of want to kill a random male just to restore balance to the universe (because life is nothing without balance.). And I have yet to get that damn phone call from Aunt Flo. A phone I don't really want anyway. But if she doesn't call soon, I'm gonna give her a hearty junkpunch.

This is about how I feel right now:

Piss me off. I dare you.

And guys think it's fun my boobs are swollen. Come on. Try to touch them. It'll be fun. I promise.