Can you believe it, Internet? I am sick again. Sick. Again! I don't even want to think about how little time it's been since the last time I was sick. You must think I'm either some sickly type or a first rate hypochondriac. I assure you I am neither. Though lately, it's hard to be sure.
So, that bug I picked up in New Orleans. Shouldn't have carried it on. I should have packed that bitch in my checked luggage, because I am positive that 3 or so hours on a plane is enough to incubate a bitch foreign bug into death itself. Pee Ess, took me like 5 minutes to spell positive correctly. And I'm not that medicated. My head is just fuzz to the zee, yo.
Anyways, even though I spent just about the entire weekend in bed, reading and catching up on my Hulu (Oh Hulu, how I love you. Where have you been all my life? Why anyone pays for television anymore when there is this magic place called Hulu is beyond me.), I still woke up today hacking up my left lung. I tried to purchase a new one on Facebook Marketplace, but no dice. Shoulda tried EBay.
I worked half a day today (I do still have work to do, peeps!) and drove my now skinny ass (I'll get to that in a sec) to the urgent care. Turns out I have bronchitis. Lovely. And it's viral so antibiotics won't do this lady lady one damn bit of good. Joy. I just have to wait this one out. Did I mention I have a lot to do? And have to work next weekend? There could not be a worse time to be sick. Well, when it comes to my life, there's just no good time to be sick, but whatevs. I'm being dramatic. Go with it.
And truth be told, I'd rather tough it out than go on antibiotics anyway. Because, when I was little, my mom scooted me to the doc for every tiny thing and had them pump me full of antibiotics, I'm wary of drugging up as a first resort. I'm convinced that's why my immune system was shit as an adolescent and I've spent the last ten years eating (mostly) well and taking vitamins and only taking antibiotics when necessary. My M.O. is to wait things out and if I don't get better on my own, I med it up. But that's what I've been doing since last Tuesday. So you can imagine how frustrating it is that I may have another week or so of this ahead of me.
Now, don't think I'd forget to tell you about my skinny ass, Internet. Not that this applies to my ass itself, necessarily, and more so to my weight overall. I hate being weighed at the doctor. Hate it. Mostly because I don't believe in using scales. I'm a big believer in using my jeans as a measure, or how I feel in my skin. Besides it's all about health, not a number. And muscle weighs more than fat, so when I'm more active, I weigh a little more. Plus, as I mentioned, I like my ass on the rounder side, yo.
You may remember all that food I ate in Nawlins. I ate more than a human should eat. Really, but life is about enjoying the moment and the opportunity for quality Cajun food only comes so often. So I ate. I ATE. I even took my fat jeans so I could eat in comfort. Eating is just that important to me.
But what do you think happened at the doctor today? Remember that I was sick like a month ago and was weighed then? So I do have a recent basis of comparison, despite not owning a home scale. Get this: I weigh less today than I did before I left for New Orleans. Less. LESS.
I'm not sure how to feel about that. I realize that I was working on houses and walking around the city. But still. Did I mention how much I ate? Should I be elated that I can apparently eat the average body weight of a Clydesdale in food and metabolize that shit like gangbusters with just a week of painting and caulking? Should I be bummed? I did just write a manifesto to my ass. How does Buttina feel about all this?
Either way? My ass has entered a twilight zone vortex of some kind. Or maybe this guerilla New Orleans virus also causes weight loss. If that's the case, Buttina should be scared as hell. I know I am.
On a literary note, I am thinking of adding book reviews to this blog. After all, I was a literature student, so it seems only natural. What do you think? Would you like to read reviews of books as I read them?
- Chicks who do it for me
- Lose Weight Fast with the Heartbreak Diet!
- Margaritas, Weed, and Slut Signals
- epic existential post just in time for that arbitrary changing of the calendar which I so love
- Public Service Announcement
- Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Slut Shaming E-Cards
- Animal Monster Bird Squawk Dinosaur Creature
- My Doctors Always Suck, otherwise entitled Why I Hate Kaiser
- Sexy Saturdays: Slutty Saturday
- fishcunts and cum dumpsters