I love Oregon. I do. I love it here.
Except for one thing. Merging. As in, on the the road. You know?
Like merging onto a freeway. Or from one road to another where you don't have a stop sign and are meant to simply merge.
Not too hard right? Wrong.
Because Oregonians can't merge. They can't do it. They stop and they freak out and pretty much drive me batshit crazy.
If you did that in LA, you'd be dragged from your car and beaten.
And that would be reasonable.
FUCKING MERGE! That's what you can hear me screaming from my car at any given point whilst I am driving.
I have always worked with people. Whether in retail or with clients or whatever, people. People's files, people's names.
And what I have discovered after all these years of seeing people's names? I am a 12 year old.
I can't see the name Warren without thinking, His name isn't Warren? I thought his name was Warren. My name isn't fucking Warren!
Name that movie.
If I see a name that happens to be a character in a film or a famous person (or even sounds close), I can't help myself. I start quoting (or just giggling most annoyingly). I once met a customer named Jake Ryan. Jake Ryan! As in, "Is your dad a big man, Jake?" And, "No more yanky my wanky. The Donger need food!" Yeah. You know what movie I mean. If you don't, I'm not sure we can be friends. I'll have to really rethink things.
The other day I saw a client file (which are labeled last name comma first name comma the type of file) and this file had the guy's last name and his first name was Tu and the type of file was PAC. So it said Tu PAC. I swear. Tu PAC.
Like I said, 12.
Soooo remember when I went kinda gluten free? I'm pretty much all gluten free now. Except I don't go so far as to check what kind of barrel my wine was fermented in or anything. But for the most part? Gluten fucking free.
And it's fucking fantastic.
I feel so amazingly better you wouldn't believe. I'll never go back. For me, it's all about realizing my body wasn't processing the gluten and not about a health choice. BUT, because I feel so much healthier, it's just win-win.
Yeah, certain things were hard to give up and I still crave occasionally. Namely, bread. I have found a couple of decent gluten breads, though there's just no replacement for a good French bread or flour tortilla. But I don't miss that stuff much most days anymore.
And since I discovered gluten-free beer and ciders? I've gained all the weight back that I lost going gluten free.
So I'm dealing with a leetle drama with my old landlords, which I suspect I can't even discuss in case we go to court (for reals! to motherfucking court!), but the assholes are trying to screw us the fuck over and it's a stressball of epic proportions.
I am trying my best to just do what needs to be done and not freak out until I need to freak out. But DUDE! this totally completely utterly supremely sucks hairy monkey balls. I exaggerate not.
Please send us all your good anti-asshole landlord vibes because if I have to pay these people, I'm gonna cut a bitch.
The Raw Photos Contest is in full swing! The theme is people, but we encourage you to get creative with it.
Speaking of which, I've been a phenomenal dork and keep telling folks to "go shoot some people!" Because it's awful and mildly disturbing and in poor taste and therefore funny. Right? Until someone I tweeted that right after the Oslo shootings (being completely innocent because I'd been so busy that I hadn't read the news or been on the Twitters!) and my friends told me I was being an asshole. Yeah, sometimes I just have bad timing. Extremely bad timing.
Submissions close Saturday so make sure to get over there and submit and see the awesometastic submissions! Sun and I are gonna have a hellofa time choosing a winner.
- Chicks who do it for me
- Lose Weight Fast with the Heartbreak Diet!
- Margaritas, Weed, and Slut Signals
- epic existential post just in time for that arbitrary changing of the calendar which I so love
- Public Service Announcement
- Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Slut Shaming E-Cards
- Animal Monster Bird Squawk Dinosaur Creature
- My Doctors Always Suck, otherwise entitled Why I Hate Kaiser
- Sexy Saturdays: Slutty Saturday
- fishcunts and cum dumpsters