Thursday, April 7, 2011

On Hair (down there)

Come a little closer, dearies. I'm about to share more than you could possibly ever want to know. What? You thought I already did that? Mwahahaha! How little you know. I can always get more personal.

After telling you all about my vomit, I thought it was about time to discuss an issue that's been on my mind for the past forever.

My lady jungle. My landing strip. My path to the promised land. My pubic hair.


This wouldn't even be a topic if everyone didn't seem to make such a big deal of it. Of pubic hair in general. Of the need to tame it, shape it, trim it, remove it.

Perhaps you all remember the douche who didn't approve of my soul path. Or the dude on Twitter who I got into a massive argument with over his desire to see grown women bare (sorry, I'm too lazy to find you the links). Or maybe you've had your own battles with your nether hair. Or maybe you were just as insipired as I was by the Vagina Monologues.

Long Live Eve Ensler!

Anywayyyyy.

I, myself, have gone through many phases of hairy and not so hairy glory. In the last 12 or so years, I've waxed, Nair-ed, shaved, and trimmed. Not that I've ever gone completely bare. THAT will never happen.

And now that I'm 30, you know what I've decided? I'm done fussing. Done. I like my hair and if you don't like it, well I can find lovers who do. I'm not exactly desperate for some douchecanoe to go fishing, ifyouknowwhatImean.

For one, waxing sucks. It hurts. It does. Even if you're just waxing the bikini line (which is all I'd really do), it still hurts. Even if you've found the most pain-free aesthetician ever, it fucking hurts. No denying that. Also? It's expensive! And my hair grows fast. Not just on my hooho, but on my head and legs too. I blame vitamins. But I'm not spending all that money on something that's going to be stubbly in a week anyway.

Depilatories. Nair. Veet. Well, these work okaaaay, but just okay. You have to grow out your hair first to do it (just like waxing) and a few hairs always get missed anyway. And then it takes a good ten extra minutes (doesn't sound like a lot, but I'm not one for spending a ton of time on my appearance). Then it leaves a vague chemical smell on your vag for like a day. And while it's cheaper than waxing, those bottles are still like 7 bucks a pop. That adds up. So what I'm saying? Not worth it.

Shaving. Shaving sucks balls. It leaves the little red bumps which if you shave over a second time (like the next day?), it cuts them. CUTS THEM! Like with pain and bleeding. I don't want to cut the delicate skin around my coochie, thankyouverymuch. And shaving only lasts like a day. Once again, I'm just talking about the bikini line. I can't even imagine gals who shave the whole shebang. *shudder*

Here's a news flash: women come with hair! It's a sign of puberty. Of adulthood. Of hormones and pheromones and the goodness of all that is womanhood.


Allow me to quote one of my fave ladies, Lissa Rankin (who I had the pleasure of actually meeting last winter at a book signing):
Pubic hair is not just a biological accident that forces us to the waxing salon. It serves three critical functions. First, it protects the delicate vagina. Second, it serves as a reproductive billboard to alert potential mates that you are biologically (if not emotionally) prepared to procreate. And last, it’s a pheromone carpet and traps the scents that lead potential mates to the promised land. So you might think twice before you shave it all off. It’s there for a reason. Embrace it.
Now go read the rest of her article: 15 Crazy Things About Vaginas

And you know what? The same goes for the menfolk. I don't expect or even want men to manscape. What happened to men wanting hair? It used to be a sign of manhood, of virility, and now guys are shaving it all off.



I don't get it.Why are we so ashamed of our hair? Of our adulthood?


So at the end of the day? No more. I will but swimsuits with a lower panty line. I will let my hair grow out. I may just trim up the bulk, but I am embracing my hair. I am a 30 year old woman and I come with hair. It's a package deal and a desirable package at that!
And if you're looking for the look of a 10 year old girl, I don't want you. Because there's just something wrong with that.

*shudder*

41 comments mean you love me:

Fabulously Awkward said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Good plan! The pressure to have a naked va-jay-jay these days is rather embarrassing. You're right, we are WOMEN, not girls.

If you decide to arrange a bra burning, give me a call. :) (I really wish I came of age in the 60s. I think I would've been the BEST hippie!)

KLZ said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I once dated a guy who shaved - all of it. Oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Clearly, it was a long term relationship.

Ali said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Yes yes and yes. I've gone bare, I've spent months not shaving. My hairstyle changes with my mood and will continue to do so. With my mood. No one else's. I have no problem accommodating when someone asks politely, the same way I mesh with others' sexual styles, but if you try to give me an ultimatum, I'm kicking you to the curb.

Long live the pubes!

lex [lexinthecity] said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So the song playing in the background is "I like you so much better when you're naked" (for reals)..
Anywho, I can't shave, so I can only wax. And even my waxist tries to get me to take it all off. Eff you!
I've gone rogue lately and quite frankly, might just trim from now on.

The Woven Moments said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Amen sister. If I wanted to look like a 10 year old girl, I'd just take a page out of Justin Bieber's book.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Fabulously Awkward we are clearly kindred spirits. I'm convinced I was supposed to be a teen in the 60s and refused to wear a bra in high school.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@KLZ BAHahahahahahahaha! men.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Ali wooohoooo! yeah, it's my vaj, not anyone else's.

xo

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@lex [lexinthecity] if anything, my laziness wins out. and why not?

love the background music!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@The Woven Moments BAHAA! totally.

Cake Betch said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I really heart you Andygirl. Lol.

And I have never understood the bare thing. EW! I do not think that is attractive at all. I am an adult woman, not a pre-pubescent child! Why on EARTH would you want my nether regions to look like a childs??

That being said, I do prefer to shave and trim. You shave often enough and those bumps stop coming :-) Oh, over-sharing, so much fun.

The Glamorous Army Wife said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Moreso than bareness, it kind of freaks me out when people "bedazzle" their pubs, or shape them in hearts, etc.. Why aren't these folks out volunteering if they really have that much time on their hands? ANd HOW MANY PEOPLE are seeing their snatch that it requires bedazzling???? More power to ya!

Ayesha said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This is a poem that a friend of mine often performed when I was studying abroad in England.


From Norwich via London and Toronto, it's Susie Showers!


The thing about my body hair
Is that someone else has put it there
It's not my place to scrape it bare
It wants to poke through my underwear.

Some ladies go to Holloywood, others to Brazil
But my short curlies stay at home
The plane ride makes them ill.

Pubes, fuzz, carpet, rug
Have a peer at your minge, give it a hug.
Or if you're feeling nasty, slap its mouth
Call it a bitch and lock it in the house.

You'll start to get to know your patch
It may enjoy a tennis match
Movie nights and singing clubs
Weekends spent down at the pub.

But if you have to shave your cat
Dyed bright white or darkest black
Do you know where all the stubblies go
Spinning down the plug hole?

To a magical land on the deep blue sea
The Pubic Isles, super trendy
Young spriggins springing in the spring
Package holidays, fishing (beware of crabs).

But bargain travel fun aside
There are those that just get left behind.
They think they're ugly, worthless, fat
The ingrown hairs around one's twat.

Give body hairs a second chance
To curl up next to cotton pants.
Sign the petition over there
To secure a future for an ingrown hair!

The thing about my happy clam
It shouldn't look like new roast ham
It's not my place to pluck it clean
It wants to poke out through my jeans.


To hear the poem in her voice, and more from Susie Showers, visit www.myspace.com/susieis

She was a significant person in my journeys through Norwich.

Hutch said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

All these freakin magazines claim guys want bare (concerning, because hello little girls?) or just the strip...they're not getting either here and I've never gotten any complaints! At least not to my face :) I do shave and trim, but definitely not daily! If I had lots of extra cash monies I might consider the laser treatment just for the bikini line, but that's because it's my preference not some Douchebag Magee.

Aimee said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Eeeek...raising my hand nervously.... I've never had pubic hair. EVER. Except when I was pregnant. Thank god I couldn't see it. Yeah, I started shaving the second puberty started. Just sorta a pet peeve of mine. Eh. Don't like pubes. If you shave regularly and use the right stuff, you don't get razor burn. I never do. I probably shave twice a week. It's never been a big deal for me. I can't use Nair because I think I'm allergic to it. The only one time I used it, my vagina almost fell off. It was pretty bad.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Cake Betch so then how do you shave over the bumps a second and third time? is painful pour moi. :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@The Glamorous Army Wife BAHA! right? it just seems...weird. have you seen the clitter video? oh you must. google it.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Ayesha that rocked my whole world.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Hutch Douchebag Magee made me snort!

I don't get it. I don't.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Aimee well more power to ya, I guess. if it's a personal pref, I won't judge ya. I will wonder how you are so dedicated. I am just so damned lazy. I couldn't spend that much time shaving or waxing or whatever. so color me impressed even that you keep yourself so shaven. :)

and I am glad your vagina didn't fall off. THAT would be awful!

Brandy Rose said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I shave because I'm lazy and don't like dealing with the hair. The hair annoys me when it starts to grow back, itches and gets pulled and isn't sharing fun? lol

Skye said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

yes! people should stop making pubes such a big deal- it's just personal preference. I think it's awesome you're doing what YOU want. I have to say, I am not a fan of pubes. I agree bare is weird for adults- but I prefer trimmed for both me and my guy (not because of looks- other than when I wear a swimsuit- but because it, um, gets in the way a little, and hair in the mouth? gross). I'm also lazy, and I use an electric hair trimmer, which is quick and doesn't hurt or cut me or leave bumps (except the occasional ingrown hair). (I use the kind made for men's hair- the ones made for lady bits are too tiny!)

hey, is this some sort of plot to make everyone else overshare too? haha.

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Haha! Interesting topic. Personally I do not like bare. I mean... what's up with that? I have resigned myself go waxing. Way way too much hair... and it is not because some guy might like, this all me. Hairy cave woman is not my prefered personal look All my hair drives me insane. Done the epilator thing - ouch!! That really hurt! So good old bikini line wax it is.

On the end of the day we should do what we feel is the right thing with our bodies, not cos someone else prefers it a certain way. So each to their own I guess. :)

PorkStar said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I personally prefer women with some hair. I've always loved the hair. Trimmed, nicely kept, whatever, just have some hair. I love it. The last couple of years the ones i've dated have been all bare. I'm used to it too, but when I see hair, it makes it look tastier.

As far as manscaping.... I've done that but it's hard to keep up with the hair growing back. My ex and I used to go to a nude beach in NJ and 98% or so of the men we saw were all completely bare. There were more women with hair than there were guys with it.

I feel the same way as you, i'm also leaving some of mine. Not going aboriginal, though, but leaving some on me for sure.

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

love it!!

Suniverse said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

THANK. YOU.

I have never understood the supposed wonder that is shaving your bajingo. There is no reason that a man should be attracted to nude lady parts - it's far too close to pedophelia for me.

YAY for writing this!!!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Brandy Rose sharing is caring! hee!

that's funny because I don't shave because I'm lazy. maybe once you start, you have to keep going. :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Skye you've discovered my evil plot! ahhh!

hah! you're right. it is all about personal preference. and now I'm tempted into looking into men's electric razors. any suggestions?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Nush waxing is just too ppainful and expensive for me. but it seems like the best way if you're gonna clean up the area, as it were.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@PorkStar I'm so glad a guy commented!! it's nice to hear a guy who likes a little nature, if you will. and personally, I like a hairy guy. it's sexy. :)

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Cat Chat With Caren And Cody hee! thanks!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Suniverse thanks, doll! I think it's sick. and the porn industry just perpetuates it.

Skye said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@andygirl- honestly, I just bought a cheap one at the store- I don't even remember what brand. it works fine but I don't know if nicer ones hold up better over time.

Satan said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

THANK YOU!!!
the only reason i trim most of mine off is because of stripping. and i don't shave, fuck that noise. shaving only leads to bikini line bumpy hell. my skin is so sensitive it's ridiculous.

anywho, i can't wait until i'm out of stripping entirely. then i'ma grow that shit out some.
because i don't mind having some bush.
it's bullshit that society expects women to do all that trimming shit, when men wouldn't even think of doing it, half the time. i'm okay if someone wants to shave, but don't do it for someone else, blah!

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

About six months ago, it seemed as though every blogger was writing about Brazilians and vajazzling. And I was baffled.

So much fussing over something so insignificant. If people put forth as much effort into curing cancer as they do bush-whacking ...

quantumfauxpas said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I. Freaking. Love. This. Post.

Viva La Lady Jungle!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Satan you're so welcome. and thank YOU! for being you and completely awesome!

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@alonewithcats woman, you said it! so damn true.

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@quantumfauxpas BAAAHAA! thank you! hells yeah Viva La Lady Jungle!

Jackie T said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm a landing strip kind of gal, more for the bikini that I can proudly wear without feeling too bad about how I look.
So, my only "problem" with this is minor. My new fella is hairy, up top, on the face. I've never had this problem before, but his hair is sooo thick that unless he were to shave like, twice a day, 95% of the time, kissing him hurts my face. As in, hurts to the point that I kiss him. As in, I break out around my mouth every time I'm around him because my face skin hates him. He started out with a beard when we started out. The first night we kissed, he also kissed another fella (totally hot to me!) who had a beard, and he did not appreciate how it felt. I've never cared one way or another (just thought the stubble was the only painful time before), and now I ask him to shave because I want to kiss him without hurting. Granted, it's not the same with the lady bits and preference, but still, I feel like it's asking him to change his hair behavior for my preference, you know?

andygirl said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

@Jackie T I'm totally with ya! I think they're very similar things. maybe it's about finding someone who's got compatible hair too. I dated a guy once who was a hairy beast and he was sooooo sexy and great in bed. so I like hair. but stubble sucks. period.

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