After telling you all about my vomit, I thought it was about time to discuss an issue that's been on my mind for the past forever.
My lady jungle. My landing strip. My path to the promised land. My pubic hair.
This wouldn't even be a topic if everyone didn't seem to make such a big deal of it. Of pubic hair in general. Of the need to tame it, shape it, trim it, remove it.
Perhaps you all remember the douche who didn't approve of my soul path. Or the dude on Twitter who I got into a massive argument with over his desire to see grown women bare (sorry, I'm too lazy to find you the links). Or maybe you've had your own battles with your nether hair. Or maybe you were just as insipired as I was by the Vagina Monologues.
Long Live Eve Ensler!
I, myself, have gone through many phases of hairy and not so hairy glory. In the last 12 or so years, I've waxed, Nair-ed, shaved, and trimmed. Not that I've ever gone completely bare. THAT will never happen.
And now that I'm 30, you know what I've decided? I'm done fussing. Done. I like my hair and if you don't like it, well I can find lovers who do. I'm not exactly desperate for some douchecanoe to go fishing, ifyouknowwhatImean.
For one, waxing sucks. It hurts. It does. Even if you're just waxing the bikini line (which is all I'd really do), it still hurts. Even if you've found the most pain-free aesthetician ever, it fucking hurts. No denying that. Also? It's expensive! And my hair grows fast. Not just on my hooho, but on my head and legs too. I blame vitamins. But I'm not spending all that money on something that's going to be stubbly in a week anyway.
Depilatories. Nair. Veet. Well, these work okaaaay, but just okay. You have to grow out your hair first to do it (just like waxing) and a few hairs always get missed anyway. And then it takes a good ten extra minutes (doesn't sound like a lot, but I'm not one for spending a ton of time on my appearance). Then it leaves a vague chemical smell on your vag for like a day. And while it's cheaper than waxing, those bottles are still like 7 bucks a pop. That adds up. So what I'm saying? Not worth it.
Shaving. Shaving sucks balls. It leaves the little red bumps which if you shave over a second time (like the next day?), it cuts them. CUTS THEM! Like with pain and bleeding. I don't want to cut the delicate skin around my coochie, thankyouverymuch. And shaving only lasts like a day. Once again, I'm just talking about the bikini line. I can't even imagine gals who shave the whole shebang. *shudder*
Here's a news flash: women come with hair! It's a sign of puberty. Of adulthood. Of hormones and pheromones and the goodness of all that is womanhood.
Allow me to quote one of my fave ladies, Lissa Rankin (who I had the pleasure of actually meeting last winter at a book signing):
Pubic hair is not just a biological accident that forces us to the waxing salon. It serves three critical functions. First, it protects the delicate vagina. Second, it serves as a reproductive billboard to alert potential mates that you are biologically (if not emotionally) prepared to procreate. And last, it’s a pheromone carpet and traps the scents that lead potential mates to the promised land. So you might think twice before you shave it all off. It’s there for a reason. Embrace it.Now go read the rest of her article: 15 Crazy Things About Vaginas
And you know what? The same goes for the menfolk. I don't expect or even want men to manscape. What happened to men wanting hair? It used to be a sign of manhood, of virility, and now guys are shaving it all off.
I don't get it.Why are we so ashamed of our hair? Of our adulthood?
So at the end of the day? No more. I will but swimsuits with a lower panty line. I will let my hair grow out. I may just trim up the bulk, but I am embracing my hair. I am a 30 year old woman and I come with hair. It's a package deal and a desirable package at that!
And if you're looking for the look of a 10 year old girl, I don't want you. Because there's just something wrong with that.