Sexy Saturdays: Awkward Starts & Sleep Sex

People? You have no idea how lucky you are today. Because today's guest poster is one of my favorite people on the Internet and I've been trying to get her over here FOREVER. I feel like I've know My Little Becky of i'll go eat worms since I've been doing this blogging gig.

I think we met on the Twitter and she was instantly sweet and funny and welcoming. She pulled me into the blogging fold (doesn't that sound gross?) and I know I can always count on her hugs and hilarious tweets. She's been uber supportive of my baby Jeté too. I just love her down to my panties.

If you don't love Becky yet, just blame me and my intro that cannot do her justice. After you read her post, you surely will. Then you'll journey over to her blog and love her sweet dogs and her man Chuck. Then follow her on the Twitter and get ready for the best hashtags of your whole damn life.

But first? Enjoy yo!

as one of the most awkward people on the planet, i can make anything awkward, including but not limited to the sex. yes. i do the whole, "pew, pew, pew! i'm shooting things with your penis gun!" "here, let me squeeze your nipple because you hate that and that's what makes it funny!" "all aboard the vagina train! we're going to vagina town!" i do it all because i can't help myself. don't get me wrong, when the sex is actually happening i'm taking my job seriously but that whole awkward start thing, i got that part down. with a side of extra of awkward.

it wasn't always this way, when we were first dating, there was no time for becky to be awkward because when we were together, we were either having sex or catching our breath after having sex. that first tidal wave of infatuation was followed by less intense waves but has yet to really be rivaled in its total unsurrendering domination of our sexual relationship.

i had a lot of practice in those early days but i'm not, how you say, "very experienced" in the sex, so maybe that's part of my problem. for some unavoidable reason, i have to make it weird for chuck because it's weird for me. we're certainly very compatible and if i can shut off the part of my mind that's screaming, "aaaaa! you're having sex with somebody! please don't mess it up! or if you feel like you're gonna mess it up, please mess it up preemptively!" then we have an excellent time in the sack because really, you have to try hard to mess up sex between us.

which brings me to, sleep sex. yes, sleep sex, chuck haz it. i want to say right here that we didn't really know what was happening in the beginning, we were all, "who started that?" in the morning. when then we realized that chuck was sleep sexing and then waking up mid the sex, i gave him full permission to sleep sex me. however, he has woken up mid sex rejection as well. apparently i'm a good sleep rejector, he'll be all, "i tried to have sex with you last night" and i'll be all, "no you didn't! i would have remembered that!" it's like we're a perfect pair. *romantic sigh*

but the sleep sex? hot. there's no awkward beginning. there's no, "i have a boner!" *wiggle, wiggle* no, "look at me, i have a playoff beard vagina!" it's just sex, hot, intense, uninhibited sex and i love it. sometimes i'll work it into my dreams, is there any dream better than dream sex? for me, there is not. and when combined with sleep sex, it's a match made in heaven. there's no other way to describe it other than unrestrained and that's my idea of a good time. it reminds me of the sex we had before i was bogged down by being this man's best friend which means we share everything, before he knew i burp sometimes, before he smelled my armpits after a weekend of mutual non-showering, back when i knew he thought i had naturally soft and shaved everything all the time. we might have lost some of that glossed over, magically perfect view and although i do love with all my heart what we have achieved now and have absolutely nothing to complain about, i still do love sleep sex for it's unbridled embrace of hot sex.