Wednesday, September 23, 2009

all the single ladies

Hoo boy am I feeling crappy today! Between stress, the suckiness that comes with being a woman (I swear, god, when I die, you and I are having a little chat about that), the ri-goddamn-diculous heat, and a headache and nausea from what I assume is a side-effect of a flu shot (more on that in a bit), and the debacles of this afternoon, I am like the the ambassador of crap. No, the president of crap.

Yeah, so, flu shot. I have never, ever, had a flu shot in all my life. Between having dubious opinions about vaccines and also believing that human beings are supposed to get sick so that we can survive in this germ-filled world, I've never gotten one. But, with my BIG EVENT coming up, I figure I just can't get sick. I don't have time to be sick. No way no how, dude, can I get sick between now and the middle of October. Not happenin'. So, I caved into peer pressure (which, by the way, I totally survived in my teens, but I cave as an adult. WHAT is that about?) and followed two coworkers to get shots like lambs to the slaughter. But, now my head feels like Nine Inch Nails has taken up residence and feel like my stomach is hosting a miniature Cirque de Soleil. And my arm kinda hurts too, you know, where they stabbed me with the death juice.

And maybe it's not side effects. Maybe it's all psychological and the headache and nausea are one more thing I'm bringing up with god when I finally meet her, or him, or it (see my last post). Whatever god is, I do not approve.

But, enough bitching. I had intended to post something relating to the title of this blog, I really had. I know you are all going, what is UP with this crazy batshit woman?, so I'll get back on subject. I was going to say that when I feel like shit, I like things that make me laugh and since the world seems obsessed with one music video by one Beyonce, I'm going to share some fabulosity with you.

And okay, I realize that just posting a ton of videos is a complete blogging cop-out. But, you know what? Too bad. Do you really want to hear more about digestive pyrotechnics? Didn't think so.

I promise, even if you hate Sasha Fierce, you will find milk shooting out of your nose watching at least one of these, even if you don't drink milk. Really. That doesn't happen to you? Hrm, sounds like a personal problem.

First, a classic. I loves me some J.T.

And now some very sophisticated choreography that I think is really an homage to Miss Knowles and her dance stylings (this kills me):

And last, a little bit of genius. (and if you don't watch this show, OH MA GAH, you should):

And with that, I say adieu.

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