Horrifying Shit on Pinterest: Engagement Announcement

Hey ya'll! I'm starting a new series on le blog with random pins I come across that are horrifying, mystifying, or just piss me off. Hope you enjoy!

Today's is a grammar annoyance.



"Were" engaged? Like you aren't anymore? Either this is the weirdest breakup announcement ever or a printer needs to be fired like whoa.

Random Thoughts of a Crazy Lady

Random Thoughts are BACK! Did you miss my rambling brilliant brain? I know you did. But don't worry, punkins, I'm here for you.

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I'm all moved in to my new casa. And can I just tell you? Moving is a motherfucking bitch. I have moved...hold on...let me count...yeah I don't even know how many times. Too many. Too damn many. Maybe I'm just nomadic. Maybe it's because I lived my first 18 years (excluding the first couple of months) in the same ramshackle house.

Either way, I move. A lot.

And it sucketh. I will spare you the madness of the day, the unexpected hiccups, the annoyingness. But I will say that my friends are the bestest of the bestest and showed up wearing bells (or something) and saved the day and moved my ass! Seriously. I have awesome friends.

Anyway, I'm all moved in and because I worked hard all weekend, I didn't take as much care of myself as I normally would or even intended to. I got insanely dehydrated and piling that on top of normal moving soreness, I felt insanely shitty last night. Bad Andy.

But I've been guzzling water and electrolyetes for a day and a half and I'm just starting to feel better.

BUT! I love my new place and my new roomies and the cats aren't quite so sure, but I know they'll come around.

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It is big pimpin' time! I've haven't pimped friends' blogs in a long time, which is entirely too lazy and/or selfish of me. So hopefully I can redeem myself a little karmically today.

Both these bloggers are real life friends and so I get a little extra special thrill pimping them out.

Firstly, you must must must go read my friend Coco at Coco McKown Photography. Coco is an insanely amazing photographer in Southern California (tell your friends!), but she's also one of the funniest ladies I have ever known. Ever. Ev-er. I even wrote a post about her once which I won't link to because I'm feeling lazy to go search for it. Just know that half the movie quotes I put on here are just for her.

The second is actually someone ya'll here on the blog also know, at least if you've been reading for quite a while, buuuuut, I don't think I'll tell you who. Because it's much too delicious to make you figure it out. Anyvajazzle, Aaron at Hiking as Homotopy writes an entirely too smart (seriously, some of it goes over my head and I'm freaking brilliant.) blog in which he flays up his life and foibles and observations in an incredibly honest and raw way. Methinks you will likey.

Pimped. Out.

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So I don't want to talk about work because I do want to keep my job and I don't think it's appropriate to discuss the details of my professional environment. Ya dig?

But I will say this: If you fill out forms, some of the information just might be important. Therefore, you might want to consider using neat handwriting. Like, if it's an illegible number in your address, that might not be the end of the world. But, if it's something important like, say, your social security number, and someone has to read that shit, you don't want that messed up!

And look, I get it. I have awful handwriting. I have the handwriting of the terrorist pirate on death row. But on forms, at least with the important info, I try my best to write neatly.

Because that crap is important.

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It's such a shame that no one uses adverbs anymore. And I catch myself doing it to, using an adjective to describe a verb. But that is wrong! Wrong.

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This is magiaclly delicious (even with the copious misspellings) and oh so not safe for work:

National Grammar Day

Well, Internet, I made it through a whole 6 hours of work today! And even though that's like, well, it's way under a normal full day's work, considering that I barely left my bed yesterday, I'm gonna call that a victory. I think you should all stand up and applaud my brave efforts. Stop it, thank you, stop it, don't stop, no stop.

Annnnnnd I'm going to even attempt...wait for it...an 8 hour day tomorrow! I know, I know, it's ridiculous how wild I can be. I'm just gonna go crazy. Work a full day. Who knew?

Seriously though, I am a smidge better. But I'm still having trouble breathing well and my energy has been stolen. Stolen by evil elves. Evil elves with elephantine ears. Evil elves with elephantine ears who live in the eggshells of egrets (sorry, can't resist alliteration). Gets me every time. How can I possibly resist the dulcet tones of vowel or consonant repetition (I'm looking at you, Mr. Leeman.)?

And thaaaaat brings me to my brilliant segue. Today is National Grammar Day. Good golly that makes me happy in my heart. Read ALL about NGD at one of my fave-oh-right blogs in the world: The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. And since I enjoy grammar, I'd like to share some grammar fun avec toi in my own little insane way.

Have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to this kind of thing? I was that annoying kid in school who, when my friends passed me notes, corrected their spelling and grammar before I responded and passed it back. You can imagine how wildly popular I was.

(I'm sorry for some old friends who may have received these lessons before from an annoying gal such as myself. And some of you may need to hear it again. Just sayin'. I'm looking at you, Keller.)

Shall we begin? Awesome. Now sit your whiney ass down and pay attention.

Lesson1: Misuse of apostrophes and the letter "s"

At the end of a word, if you add an apostrophe and then an "s," that makes the word possessive.
For example:
Incorrect -- That pelicans feet look like dead lizards with fungus.
Correct -- Tanya’s hair is like rainbows and butterfly kisses on crack.

If you want to make a word plural (as in, more than one of something), don't use an apostrophe. Just add an "s."
For example:
Incorrect -- Your eye's have blue pus in them.
Correct -- Your hands smell like corpses and candy.

Now you know. So stop misusing it, mmk? 

Lesson 2: Misuse of you're / your

Your is the possessive form of you.
For example:
Incorrect: Your an old bat who eats too much cheese.
Correct: Your purse smells like a dead baby.

You're is a contraction of you and are.
For example:
Incorrect: You're eyes are like fish eggs on a cold morning.
Correct: You're a smelly monkey pirate on death row.

So now you know. Stop misusing it, mmmmk?

Lesson 3: Misuse of there/their/they're

There refers to location.
For example:
Incorrect: There having a great time scooping unicorn crap.
Correct: There is this fab Thai place that makes soy death tea.

Their is the possessive form of they.
For example:
Incorrect: Their going to steal liquor stores and rob cars.
Correct: Their babies look like monkeys.

They're is a contraction of they and are.
For example:
Incorrect: They're hair balls make lovely centerpieces.
Correct: They're like baby hookers in five inch heels.

So now you know. So stop misusing it, mmmmmmmk?

even the baby knows you're using it wrong