Looking Forward

Today is the 28th of December. In a couple of days, not only will it be a new year, but a new decade. And I remember the hoopla over the last decade change. Now, to be fair, it was also the turn of a century and millennium and everyone thought we were all going to die. That worked out well.

I also think that was the New Years I spent with one of my best friends and roommate at the time Krissy. We stayed home, just the two of us, played games, and watched videos. It was one of the most fun New Years I've ever had, even though we were both very young and by all rights should have been out partying our asses off. But we had much more fun bonding and acting like girls do. Now, ten years later, she's married with a son. And while I am certainly much wiser for the living, I am in the same boat, still single and making my sole way in the world (but at least I live alone now). And I'm also planning a mellow game night with friends to ring in 2010, go figure. What a difference ten years makes. Or doesn't.

I've always loved New Years. First of all, it's an excuse to get all sparkly, give the last year the finger, drink champagne, and start new. Most people don't do it right though. They spend their time regretting the last year and making resolutions to change, resolutions which won't make it to February anyhow. And I think that's crap. I apologize to all you resolution-makers, but doesn't it feel like a waste of your energy and time. And how negative is that? Catalogue all the bad things and figure out how to be different. A waste.

You're never going to be different. You will always be you. It will always be hard to lose weight or stop smoking or drink less or spend less money. Whatever vices you have won't disappear when the clock strikes 12.

I say resolve to cherish yourself. Resolve to love yourself. Resolve to stop trying to change yourself. Resolve to stop making resolutions.

Sure. There are things I'm not stoked about right now. I hate that I've stopped running. I wish I lived in a place with better weather. I wish I made more money and/or had less student loans. I wish for great love. For family. For a place to plant roots. And 2009 sucked big monkey ass in a lot of ways. But making a wish on January 1st isn't going to change any of that.

Instead, I'll throw all that bad energy behind me, tell 2009 to shove it, and jump right into 2010 hoping for the best. Because that's all I can do. Just have hope.

So this New Years, I resolve to constantly love myself. I resolve to continually cherish myself. I resolve to never try to change myself. I resolve to not making any fucking stupid resolutions. And I resolve to hope. And the good things will fall in line eventually as long as I keep moving forward, taking each step, learning from each mistake. I hope. That's all I can do.