Mean Girls and other tales

Well, Internet, it seems I'm never meant to have an easy time of it. That sounds incredibly defeatist and incredibly selfish and I hate to play the martyr but it's been a struggle. This had been an especially hard week in regards to my living situation.

I keep trying to gain perspective, to remind myself that plenty of people live in worse situations, live in hiding, live in war zones, live on the streets. Plenty of people have it worse off but I've reached the point that that doesn't really help me feel better.

I can't even discuss all the details or go through how all this happened, partly because I'm so damned furious and upset and frustrated that I can't even discuss it without just exploding with emotion (and maybe I'll share more when I've got a little more distance from the situation), and partly because I don't even know how it happened.

One day my roommate just decided she hated me and so I just stayed out of her way and kept to myself, my tactic being: don't engage. But that didn't work for her. So I have been feeling pretty trapped. She won't leave me alone, she won't let me leave, and so I've pretty much reached my limits of tolerance. Sans any physical threat, I feel bullied. I haven't felt this picked on since I was 12 years old, I swear. 

But, as my bully in the 7th grade will probably tell you, I do have the capacity for abuse and bullying, BUT, I have a limit that I can take and then I just snap. You know how, in A Christmas Story, Ralphie finally snaps and beats up his bully?

That's how I felt in the 7th grade when Dionne told the whole school I stuffed my bra and they all called me Charmin and then I kicked her ass. And that's how I feel right now. Only I probably won't beat her up unless she hits me first.

I was pretty much at my last straw this week anyway. Then I came home to a note last night announcing she'd canceled our internet service and she'd taken the modem and was signing up for her own internet and I'd be on my own.

THAT pissed me off. She knows how much I rely on the internet. I watch my TV shows online. I write my blog. I can do social media from my phone but without wifi, I use too much data that way to afford it.She knew, however much she protests this, that she was screwing me over. That I'd come home on a Friday, ready for a weekend, to no internet and be fucked.

THEN! Then I took a deep breath and tried to just sign up for my own service. But because of a ton of red tape and shit that I won't even get into, I can't get signed up for internet, not at least for a couple weeks. I'm fucked. I tried to do hotspot on my phone but can't. I looked into a hotspot service but it's insanely expensive. So I'm fucked. Completely fucked.

And that was my last limit.  But I am done with being a doormat. Done. She can kiss my motherfucking non-white-girl-ass. If she thought that would motivate me to not be a bad roommate, she's delusional because I have no concern for her whatsoever anymore. I'm not going top be spiteful or plan revenge (though I have a few ideas lemmetellya) but I'm just not going to go out of my way to be the quiet, conscientious roommate I am. She has no idea how good she had it before.

And I have a few cards in my back pocket that I haven't played yet. Hopefully I'll have good news for y'all soon.

In case you're wondering, I'm writing this from a coffee shop. Which is okay for the short term, and I hope they don't catch me downloading tv shows. Evil laugh.

And maybe this is motivation to go to the gym more and not go home at least. Look at me, still trying to find a bright side.

In other news: I have a date tonight with that guy from last weekend. Send good vibes our way that he's as awesome as I suspect. I'm very hopeful about this one. If I find my way to a coffee shop tomorrow, I'll give you all an update.

Da-amn

I live across the hall from the college guys. I have yet to befried these young dudes, but my roommate has been in their apartment (being the former manager) and can attest to their typical college male style.

The other day, I got home from work as I always do, and walk down the long driveway from my car to the front door of our apartment building.

Said guys are gathered on their balcony, which is just above and slightly left of the front door. Meaning I feel like I'm walking under the peanut gallery itself.

As I walk, they're elbowing each other and issuing calls of, "DAMN! She got some long ass legs!" And "AW YEAH!"

As if they worked in construction instead of paying good tuition for a higher education.

It immediately reminded me of this:

Mad TV Can I Have Your Number? - More amazing videos are a click away

One of TV's most brilliant moments to be sure, mostly because it's so true. SO TRUE.

Back to the story, what's a girl to do but point out the obvious?

"I can hear you," I said to the balcony without making eye contact. To which they scattered like roaches in a kitchen.

Sigh. I fear for the next generation.

life moves so fast

WHAT a good day I had today, Internet. *sigh*

It wasn't phenomenal by any means. Wasn't the best day I've ever had in my life, but after the tough couple of weeks I've had, it's pretty kickass in comparison. Things went well. I got stuff done (though, I'm trying not to remind myself how much shit I actually have to go in the next couple of months). I had a healthy lunch for the first time in like 2 weeks. I had an awesome therapy session. And then I went for a long walk/run for the first time in forever.

I told myself (because I'm like so out of shape, yo) that I wasn't going to make myself run, but after my long walk and just as I was reaching the last long stretch, I felt so good that I couldn't help myself. I ran. And my ass is feeling it now. And my lungs weren't happy with me either. But it felt fucking great. So awesome to be out in the wind (and it was cooler today than usual, so the breeze felt fresh and invigorating) with the evening sun on my face my legs moving and my lungs working. Awesome.

And you know what else? I ran into some friendly faces that I hadn't seen in a while and who are my neighbors and it's a crime I never see them. Walking (and riding bikes) my way as I was running was one of my old and favorite professors with her little boys that I used to babysit and their ever-excited dog Cassie. Cassie remembered me at once and I remembered her sweet face too. Jackson looked at me like, this lady seems nice, but I'm not sure I recognize her. He did after a bit. And Austin, well, the last time I saw that little tyke, he was just beginning to talk.

And as I saw just how freaking HUGE those boys had gotten, I realized it's been like 2 years since I'd seen them last. Two years! For a while, I spent a ton of time watching those two, playing games (hide and seek was a favorite), eating dinners, reading stories, and even getting some time pushing them on the swings. I saw Austin take some first steps and Jackson as he learned his alphabet. And here they are, miniature men all of a sudden.

Life moves so fast.

Time for me to get my own pair of little boys. Where does one find some? Target? Babies R Us? Craigslist?