drunken Christmas eve blogging

I'm writing from gorgeous rarely, but it was today, sunny Seattle. Though it's not sunny right now. Right now it's nighttime and I just got back to my hotel after eating my body's weight in sushi and green tea ice cream and wine.

I'm in my happy place finally. Also: a little sloshed. Which was the point of this trip.

Why am I in Seattle? Well why the fuck not? All my friends and fam are in California and I had no absolutely no place to go because I have all of one friend in Portland anymore (more on that in a bit) and what else was I going to do? Sit at home and feel shitty? Nope. So I jumped in the car and drive the three hours to Seattle.

And, as it turns out, the drive was important. I cried almost the whole way. Not in a pathetic way, really, more of a I really needed to fucking cry kind of way. I've cried since the breakup, for sure, but not in a just letting go purging and crying it all out. I've been crying in furtive spurts, trying to keep it in so as not to scare my friends or make them feel uncomfortable. Crying like I did, all alone in the car, freely and without reserve, felt fucking great. I needed a good cry.

Then I was feeling much better for a while.

Buuuut then the holidays crept up and I got homesick and I realized that all but one of HP's friends had dumped me too and, god love her, but she of course has her own life and I understand that she's going to spend time with the group before me. And that leaves the one of my two besties, the one who lives in Portland. She's been so damned supportive and I so really appreciate that I get to be in the same city with her because what the hell would I do without her? She's my only friend here (well, there, in Portland). But more than that, there's a reason she's my best friend, because she's just so awesome.

But, like I said, she's really my only friend right now. Not that I need hoards of friends necessarily, and I do get that I have tons of friends down in California and I miss them all so immensely much right now. But it's the holidays, a time of year which does its damn best to make the alone feel more alone. And I am making some cool, new friends lately, but they're new and I feel pathetic insinuating myself into their lives just yet.

Can't you just see it?

"After a most tumultuous relationship, my tool of a boyfriend dumped my ass and took all his friends with him. Please be my friend and love me!"

Ugg.

When I graduated college, all my friends moved away. They went to grad school or went to their hometowns or got jobs and internships elsewhere. But for a while, because I stayed and worked, I found myself completely friendless. Of course, I made new friends in time, but it was odd to suddenly be left behind. That's sort of how I feel right now. Only it's slightly more depressing to have to start all over because one guy decided he didn't want me.

Not that I would change things or want him back, because I really really really don't. It's just awfully bad timing.

So I just needed an adventure, to choose aloneness for a bit, to explore and discover and think. Sometimes a girl just needs to get away.

So here I am, in Seattle, in a cushy hotel room (have I mentioned how much I love hotel rooms?) after having a great first day of vacation. I plan to stay up watching movies and drinking wine and tomorrow I can't wait to explore the city. While everyone is home eating and exchanging presents and arguing and stressing, I'll be tromping around the city and taking photos. Doesn't that sound lovely? Yeah, I think so too.

all the single ladies

Hoo boy am I feeling crappy today! Between stress, the suckiness that comes with being a woman (I swear, god, when I die, you and I are having a little chat about that), the ri-goddamn-diculous heat, and a headache and nausea from what I assume is a side-effect of a flu shot (more on that in a bit), and the debacles of this afternoon, I am like the the ambassador of crap. No, the president of crap.

Yeah, so, flu shot. I have never, ever, had a flu shot in all my life. Between having dubious opinions about vaccines and also believing that human beings are supposed to get sick so that we can survive in this germ-filled world, I've never gotten one. But, with my BIG EVENT coming up, I figure I just can't get sick. I don't have time to be sick. No way no how, dude, can I get sick between now and the middle of October. Not happenin'. So, I caved into peer pressure (which, by the way, I totally survived in my teens, but I cave as an adult. WHAT is that about?) and followed two coworkers to get shots like lambs to the slaughter. But, now my head feels like Nine Inch Nails has taken up residence and feel like my stomach is hosting a miniature Cirque de Soleil. And my arm kinda hurts too, you know, where they stabbed me with the death juice.

And maybe it's not side effects. Maybe it's all psychological and the headache and nausea are one more thing I'm bringing up with god when I finally meet her, or him, or it (see my last post). Whatever god is, I do not approve.

But, enough bitching. I had intended to post something relating to the title of this blog, I really had. I know you are all going, what is UP with this crazy batshit woman?, so I'll get back on subject. I was going to say that when I feel like shit, I like things that make me laugh and since the world seems obsessed with one music video by one Beyonce, I'm going to share some fabulosity with you.

And okay, I realize that just posting a ton of videos is a complete blogging cop-out. But, you know what? Too bad. Do you really want to hear more about digestive pyrotechnics? Didn't think so.

I promise, even if you hate Sasha Fierce, you will find milk shooting out of your nose watching at least one of these, even if you don't drink milk. Really. That doesn't happen to you? Hrm, sounds like a personal problem.

First, a classic. I loves me some J.T.

And now some very sophisticated choreography that I think is really an homage to Miss Knowles and her dance stylings (this kills me):

And last, a little bit of genius. (and if you don't watch this show, OH MA GAH, you should):

And with that, I say adieu.