Sunday, November 13, 2011

one week later and I'm alright

On the upside, if there's anything I'm pro at, it's breaking up. I've done this A LOT. A lot a lot a lot. There are rarely any surprises anymore when it comes to how I'll deal. I know just how to get through. I've got my playlist, my books, my breakup buddies. I know just what happens at each stage (though duration varies, naturally).

Unlike my last hard breakup, where I didn't eat much for two weeks and threw up most of what I did (which was scary because I didn't really have the weight to lose), I only did the starvy-barfy thing for like 2 days this time. But add to that,  as I was leaving to go see a friend Monday night, I slammed my thumb in the car door and decided to get cozy with an ice pack for two days (I think the ice pack and I are now legally married in at least 3 states.). The horrid pain and fear of losing my thumb nail was both sufficiently distracting and sort of a when-it-rains-it-fucking-pours deal.

Yet by Wednesday, at a record breaking pace, I was already leaving behind the shocked, rejected, pathetically sad phase and entering the oh so delicious angry phase. This is my favorite phase because it's where you can first start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Getting that what the holy mother fuck feeling is the first taste of perspective. And what the fuck indeed.

Once that starts, my appetite returns and thus begins the shopping, the getting done of the nails, the joining of the gym, the considering of the cutting of the bangs (should I?), and the feeling sparkly and attractive again. Not that I wasn't sparkly and attractive pre-break-up, but there's something about a little pampering to remember that.

By Thursday, all my friends and coworkers were conspiring to hook me up with as many guys as can make up a pro football team and by Friday, I was feeling alright.

I have to say, I'm okay. The hardest part has been missing his damn presence in my life. Little things, like a text or talking. And then Saturday morning, I was half awake and went to curl up to someone who just wasn't in my bed. That was hard.

We spent 6 months in a relationship and how does a friendship not come out of that? Fact is..he was a friend, one of my best friends, and I've never been one to understand why I should lose a friendship because a relationship dies. Some of my great friends are exes and they have perspectives about me no one else does and I like that.

So we'll see.

I saw him for the first time last night at our bar (which neither of us will give up. which is just fine.) and it was okay. Weird and slightly sad, but okay.

My friends have been incredible and I couldn't ask for more support and love. It can be exhausting, growing older in relationship after relationship. And when you find yourself at the end of yet another, it's invaluable to have an army of people reminding you of your value and worth.

I am still a little sad. I am. I'll be okay. I am okay. But like any wound, it will take some time for the bruising to subside. My heart is bruised, but it will recover.

8 comments mean you love me:

Poppy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I will tell you the same thing I tell anyone I care about going through a break up.
He's ugly, we hate him.

And, did you get a mani on 9 fingers, because ouch on losing the thumbnail!

Skye said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

so glad you are feeling better quickly! I hope you can be friends eventually. it does seem strange to completely lose someone from your life after being so close to them.

nursemyra said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sorry about your breakup. I find it helps to play Daniel Johnston's True Love Will Find You in the End. Or Ani Di Franco's Fuck You and your Untouchable Face

Suniverse said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You are AMAZING and WONDERFUL and he is the biggest moron in the history of the world and you are MY FAVORITE.

I'm so glad you're feeling better. You deserve all the best things ever ever ever.

XOXOXOXO

Cheney Giordano said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am sorry to hear about your break up - this was the first post I read of yours, so I went back and read a little about this dude, and also was lucky enough to see your stripper dance (you can TOTALLY quit your day job!!) I have a feeling you will pull through just fine. Keep on dancin!

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Listen to a lot of Cher. Cher understands our pain.

Allie Gresham said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am so sorry sweetie! But I am so glad to hear that you are moving on. Breakups SUCK!!! I love you lady! You can do it! And you are beautiful!

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Ahhh shit! I've been away a lot and have not had time to read blogs and then I find this out. So sorry to hear this!!

He clearly does not have a clue on what he is missing out on. Great to hear that you have entered the next stage... sod him!

Sending lots of hugs your way!

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