Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Saga of Jeté: Chapter 8

I've been in an extraordinarily bad mood the last two days. Have been in a spectacular funk. Stressed about every tiny thing, despite Hot Pants, who always puts me in an excellent mood. And I wasn't even going to write a post for today, was going to give myself the night off. But I finally realized what's making me all stressy and decided to write about it.

Jeté. My furbaby is getting near the end. And it's breaking my heart.

Her tumor is absolutely huge. She's my little Quasimodo. And I know she's got to be incredibly uncomfortable. Her skin is all dry now and I've been putting vaseline on her, which she hates.

I've yet to unpack all my boxes of books, so they're stacked up by my bedroom window. Well, she's created a little perch up there for herself where she can curl up and look out the window all day and night. She never comes down except to maybe get some water (but I know she's a little dehydrated) and I have to pick her up and take her to food.

She just sleeps all day, except when Hot Pants comes over, because she loooooves him. She climbs down and demands a cuddle. But the rest of the time, she doesn't move.

So I know she must not have much time left. I'm at that awful place where I have to decide when to let her go and I was supposed to have made end of life plans a long time ago so that I wouldn't have to worry about what to do when the time came. But I just couldn't bring myself to. So every day I put it off. Let the many stresses and business of my life take over instead.

Yet I have to do it. I have it. I can't let her suffer. But I don't know if I can let her go.

And my friends and I are going out of town this weekend and I realized that I'm super scared to leave her all alone. Who will make her eat or drink? What if she dies while I'm gone and I couldn't say goodbye? And I don't want her to have to die alone either.

I knew this was coming, but I just wasn't prepared for it. Plus holding it together just plain sucks.












21 comments mean you love me:

Anonymous said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

your Post made me cry... I'm soooo sorry.

Michon said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sooooo Sorry, Love.

The Woven Moments said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm sorry about your fur baby. We still call our Golden Retriever our 1st born, so I totally get it.

((hugs))

amydpp said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

oh darling, I'm so sorry. But don't keep her in pain too long.

Menzies said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm so sorry, honey. Your poor kitty. :(

Dysfunction Junction said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Many many kisses and chin rubs for Jete (and for you too).

Don't forget, there's a special heaven for cats & dogs.

Skye said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'd been wondering how she was doing. I'm so, so sorry. do you have a close friend who's not going with you who could stop by and help her this weekend? I'm sure you've already thought of that. but just having someone come by once a day to help her eat and drink and give her a little love would give you better peace of mind. I wish I had advice for you, but I was away at college when we lost my old cat, and I had said my goodbyes the last time I visited because I knew he was sick. I've never had to be the one to make a decision. she will probably let you know when she is ready, and I know your decision will be motivated by love. don't let yourself feel guilty. and make sure to keep some locks of that gorgeous fur.

El Gato said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I know exactly where you are, and I hope you find peace with yourself and your beautiful kitty. *hugs*

TheTraveler said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hi Honey,

Look I don't want to be the bad guy here, but rather the voice of experience, several times over.

In every instance of letting one of my beloved pets fly off to pet haven, I have accepted that I should have done it sooner. A day, a week, 2 weeks...

In my mind, if they smiled at me, wagged their tail, or purred loudly and ate at least a bite of food, they were still with me.

But the truth is, they were just hanging on...for me. For me to be ready to let them go peacefully.

And by peacefully I mean humanely. I did have one pet die in my arms of old age and I can assure you that a natural passing is far more tramatic then most realize.

I get it, there's some guilt in there. Because of the work involved with caring for a sick or elderly pet, we know that letting them go means we are free of that. But only a good caring, pet owner would feel guilt for thinking that and thus in doing so, you know in your heart that you are not letting your pet go for that reason.

In the end, it's us, the pet owner who's not ready to let go...

Only you know your pet, and you know the signs. You know when the quality of her life has gone from living...to waiting. And by your very words in this blog, the fact that you're afraid she may die while you're gone, it's clear you know it' time to do what all caring, responsible pet owners must do at this point.

I have been there with every pet I've had, to the end. Until they took their last breath with me at their side or them in my lap. It is the best way to let someone you love, go peacefully.

undergraduated said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I had the same dilemma with my ferret, Coco. He was only a year old when he started getting incredibly round in his belly. I took him to the vet and got the news that he had lymphoma. They said even if I put him through surgery it would only extend his life by a few months. Since I was working two jobs and full time in college surgery was never an option.

They told me I would eventually have to bring him in to be put down. I kept putting it off, rationalizing that he looked good and was acting normal aside from having a bulging belly.

He went on his own, his sister sleeping above him in their cage completely unaware. I bawled. It was not easy at all. But I thanked him a thousand times over for not letting it come to me taking him to the vet to end it.

I'm sorry that it has come to this.

Nush said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So, so sorry to hear this honey. My thoughts are with you.

Melissa Ehlers said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I made it through the post, but that last photo caught me. Tears for you and your baby. And many hugs as you endure this goodbye. xoxo

Ms. Salti said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

When I had to put my dog down a few years ago, the one thing I took from the experience was what the vet said to me.

He had a dog that was his baby. And when it got to the end, he was selfish and didn't put her down when he should have. He held on too long, and he regrets it every day because he knows she suffered.

Believe me, I know how hard it is, and what a difficult decision it is to make. And it's gonna hurt like hell. But you'll know you did the right thing and she's not suffering anymore.

Good luck and lots of hugs to you!

Bitter Betty said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

F ing blogger ate my comment, so here it goes again... Muffin I'm so sorry you have to go through this! But you're not alone! I know I'm here for you and I know you've for support there. Sending my live from California.

Satan said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

poor furbaby. these situations always suck. but we love ya (and her.

Shnerfle said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So sorry, love. I've been there, and there is no easy decision. No matter what you do, you'll feel awful and ugly and sob like a baby. This is the worst part of loving our furbanies, this saying goodbye.

Hugs to you & chin scrubs to her...

xoxo

The Chicken's Consigliere said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

so sorry. I have been there. Rest well, Jeté.

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

my heart is breaking. I am so sorry...

Jete will let you know when it is time. They always do.

I am so deeply sorry...I wish I had the words to convey what I am feeling. I am so sorry

alonewithcats said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, Andy.

Kris Mulkey said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So sorry.

I've been there. It's so hard to make a decision like this.

It's hard to put a cat to sleep and it's hard to watch them suffer with an illness. I've been through both. Neither is easy on your or the pet.

Hang in there.

(visiting from TRDC)

Dana said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

my heart is breaking for you :-( i know there is absolutely nothing i, or anyone else can say, that will make your pain any less. i am just so very sorry for you - i know this feeling all too well.

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