women's day my ass

It's International Women's Day. And I could be all poignant like some professional journalists who write for legitimate publications, but I just don't feel like it, mmmk?

What I'd really like to do is, in the words of my friend Aaron G (who I hope doesn't mind that I'm quoting him here):

"In honor of Womans Day, I will crush on a guy that obviously doesn't like me, then cry about it to my fat friend who obviusly does."

or

"In honor of Womans Day, I'm going to ask you if you've noticed anything different, but it's a trap: you will answer wrong."

or 

"In honor of Women's Day, I will eat an entire tub of cookie dough and tears ice cream. You don't think that exists?! I add the tears myself!"

and

"In honor of International Women's Day, I'm going to make a big deal about how having an international women's day is patronizing."

Because, let's face it ladies, that shit is funny. It's funny cuz it's true. So in honor of Women's Day, let's  dial down the crazy and objectify men instead:

Oh and this is my 100th blog post! Let's all raise a glass and toast that shit, yo.

Love Song Sunday: Day Too Soon

Oh boy. I was going to share a different song this Sunday, by a completely different artist. I had it all planned. But life always defies planning, does it not? A couple of days ago, I downloaded a Sia album that I'd been wanting for a while. And this song immediately spoke to me and wormed its charmant way into my little heart.

Pee to the ess, if you've never heard of Sia, check her out this instant! She's known for her more famous song Breathe Me (which is also lovely), but all of her music is quite fantastic.

Anyway, back to the song: Day Too Soon. Watch the veedeo. Listen to all the words. Do it. And then you'll have shared a corner of my heart, de mon coeur, for approx. 3.55 minutes. I really mean that. ♥

Photo of the Day: Sunset Stop

This is another Holga shot that I took right here in my little place of residence: Smalltown, California. Even though this shot came out a little differently than I'd anticipated, I'm actually quite enamored of it. I love how dark and grainy it is, how the stop sign is in complete silhouette with the dusky sunset in the background daring to be the focus. Have I mentioned yet that dusk is my favorite time of day?

National Grammar Day

Well, Internet, I made it through a whole 6 hours of work today! And even though that's like, well, it's way under a normal full day's work, considering that I barely left my bed yesterday, I'm gonna call that a victory. I think you should all stand up and applaud my brave efforts. Stop it, thank you, stop it, don't stop, no stop.

Annnnnnd I'm going to even attempt...wait for it...an 8 hour day tomorrow! I know, I know, it's ridiculous how wild I can be. I'm just gonna go crazy. Work a full day. Who knew?

Seriously though, I am a smidge better. But I'm still having trouble breathing well and my energy has been stolen. Stolen by evil elves. Evil elves with elephantine ears. Evil elves with elephantine ears who live in the eggshells of egrets (sorry, can't resist alliteration). Gets me every time. How can I possibly resist the dulcet tones of vowel or consonant repetition (I'm looking at you, Mr. Leeman.)?

And thaaaaat brings me to my brilliant segue. Today is National Grammar Day. Good golly that makes me happy in my heart. Read ALL about NGD at one of my fave-oh-right blogs in the world: The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar. And since I enjoy grammar, I'd like to share some grammar fun avec toi in my own little insane way.

Have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to this kind of thing? I was that annoying kid in school who, when my friends passed me notes, corrected their spelling and grammar before I responded and passed it back. You can imagine how wildly popular I was.

(I'm sorry for some old friends who may have received these lessons before from an annoying gal such as myself. And some of you may need to hear it again. Just sayin'. I'm looking at you, Keller.)

Shall we begin? Awesome. Now sit your whiney ass down and pay attention.

Lesson1: Misuse of apostrophes and the letter "s"

At the end of a word, if you add an apostrophe and then an "s," that makes the word possessive.
For example:
Incorrect -- That pelicans feet look like dead lizards with fungus.
Correct -- Tanya’s hair is like rainbows and butterfly kisses on crack.

If you want to make a word plural (as in, more than one of something), don't use an apostrophe. Just add an "s."
For example:
Incorrect -- Your eye's have blue pus in them.
Correct -- Your hands smell like corpses and candy.

Now you know. So stop misusing it, mmk? 

Lesson 2: Misuse of you're / your

Your is the possessive form of you.
For example:
Incorrect: Your an old bat who eats too much cheese.
Correct: Your purse smells like a dead baby.

You're is a contraction of you and are.
For example:
Incorrect: You're eyes are like fish eggs on a cold morning.
Correct: You're a smelly monkey pirate on death row.

So now you know. Stop misusing it, mmmmk?

Lesson 3: Misuse of there/their/they're

There refers to location.
For example:
Incorrect: There having a great time scooping unicorn crap.
Correct: There is this fab Thai place that makes soy death tea.

Their is the possessive form of they.
For example:
Incorrect: Their going to steal liquor stores and rob cars.
Correct: Their babies look like monkeys.

They're is a contraction of they and are.
For example:
Incorrect: They're hair balls make lovely centerpieces.
Correct: They're like baby hookers in five inch heels.

So now you know. So stop misusing it, mmmmmmmk?

even the baby knows you're using it wrong

codeine induced

Internet, old buddy, old pal. How the hell are ya, you old bastard? Me? I'm still sick. But I did see a doctor today. Uh huh. I did. And so now I might be just a tad under the influence of codeine. Cough syrup. Yup. Great stuff, cough syrup.

But nevertheless, I am still able to recount two completely awesome events of the day.

My dad, awesome dad that he is, he is, drove me around today, to the doctor and to drop off my prescriptions. It's worth noting that my dad was a crazy driver until I started driving. And now he drives like an old man. So as he was driving 15 under the speed limit, making the driver behind us hate life, and then he made a left turn only halfway in the turn lane, I laughed at his old man driving skills. To which he replied, "when you ride with me, you ride with danger."

And that sent me into an endless laughing fit, which was not good because of the sick I mentioned earlier. You know, the coughing and wheezing. I mean, that's just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

Then we went to pick up my prescriptions from the pharamacia only to be greeted by a line of no less than 57 people. Okay, so maybe it was more like 10 people. But that's still a long ass line. And at the end there isn't even a ride with fast cars or even animatronic characters. And why was this line so long, you ask? Oh I will tell you why. I will tell you why.

There was a very angry lady at one of the only two windows open holding up the line and berating every poor employee within a fifty mile radius. And even though there was a sign clearly asking other customers to respect patient privacy, I think she waived that right when she broadcast her extremely profane message from here to Cleveland. I'm pretty sure they could hear her in Japan. Therefore I have no hesitation in sharing this tale.

I really wanted to pull out my camera and record the whole thing, but I was afraid she was a biter. And I'd like to keep my hands thankyouverymuch. But seriously, this woman was utterly horrid. And I'm pretty sure she's either an addict or a drug dealer. In between shouts of, "DO YOUR FUCKING JOB" and "YOU'RE GONNA GET ME 4 PACKS OF MY PRESCRIPTION AND I'M GONNA PAY FOR 2," she also claimed that she was a pharmacist and that at her pharmacy they would never fuck up this much, that this happens to her ALL THE TIME.

Um, what now? Am I really the only person for whom alarm bells were sounding? If she's a pharmacist, why doesn't she go to her own pharmacy? And I doubt she is even a pharm tech, but if she is, I'd assume she's stealing from them or has multiple prescriptions there too. And what's worse is that after all that, the pharmacy gave in. Proves you can just yell loud enough and even potentially illegal behavior is juuuust fine.

Now I was raised by a first class prescription drug addict. So I've watched this behavior first hand. I've watched the begging, the threatening, the ultimatums. I've seen it and I'm telling y'all now, it sho ain't pretty. But this should be one of the most regulated industries and, in my opinion, it isn't. It's easy to con doctors out of scripts, or even steal script pads. It's easy to have multiple prescriptions at different pharmacies. And you can always con the pharmacist into thinking your bottle was a few pills short. Every month. I watched it happen.

In my opinion, you only get the benefit of the doubt once. Once. Then you don't get any more chances. And when I got to the window (finally!) at the pharmacy today (and the  femme horrible was still there), the pharm tech said she's ALWAYS like this. They know her by name. Doesn't that seem problematic to anyone? Look, I don't want to get all Big Brother (from 1984, not the lame ass reality show), but there has to be more regulation here. It's too easy to get all the drugs you want.

Anyway, it was amusing. And disturbing. Two of my favorite things.

Aaaaaand I'm still a sicky lass. Send soup. But not codeine. I have enough of that.

wheezy and coughy and gross oh my

Well welcome, March. First March day and I'm dying. No, not dying. But I am going to hack up my right lung like a hairball. It will be very attractive. This is why I'm so popular with the boys, you see.

So yeah, sicky sick sick. Blech. And I think I mentioned a lung issue a couple weeks ago and I think that was an early symptom. I'm wheezy and coughy and gross. And so I've spent most of my day curled up like a dying fetus.

I did manage to drag my sick ass down to the CVS this morning to buy sicky supplies. And I found everything I needed and then stood behind a manicured, vapid woman for a good 15 minutes in line as she went on about green m&ms. Seriously, lady? I don't care if you can't find the damn green m&ms. Can you not see the dying woman behind you? She was probably contracting my germs with all the inhaling she needed to do to talk so damn much. Really, if she'd just looked behind her, she'd have seen death incarnate, my face looking like the Jabberwocky's ass, my hair shoved under a hat, in my pajamas and flip flops, wheezing like an 80 year old man with emphysema.

The rest of the day I spent sleeping and watching Heroes season 4. Ohemgee is season 4 good! And then I watched NeverEnding Story. Because that's what you do when you're sick. You watch the crap you loved as a kid and feel nostalgic and therefore better about your sorry ass that isn't being productive in any way at all.

But, dudes, did I LOVE this movie as a kid! I loved it. Except I'd fast forward (for you younguns, that's what you do to videotapes. what are videotapes? I don't have time for this shit.) through the parts with the evil wolf guy. He was fucking scary, man. Still kind of is. He has blood stains all on his mouth. Kids today do not get the same violence I watched as a kid. Anyway, I loved it.

Also I wanted to be like the empress. My favorite part was always when Atreyu finally meets the empress, partly because I had a huge crush on Atreyu and partly because I was in love with the empress. I used to wear this peach nightgown and put a necklace on my head and pretend to be her. Never could figure out why I didn't look just like her. Maybe it's because I didn't have a pound of makeup on and lighting designers.

And there are a few things I always wondered about this movie. One, so the idea is that Bastian identifies with Atreyu and follows him through the story. So what if a girl reads it? Is it a tough ass chick on a quest to save Fantasia? And what about the old man in the beginning? The one who was reading it when Bastian steals it? Does he follow an old man warrior? That's just...well it's lame.

And where was the damn luck dragon when Artax was dying in the swamp? Or do you only get one pet at a time in Fantasia? And if the pretty necklace Atreyu wears can actually guide him (which you don't discover until the end) why doesn't he use it AT ALL throughout his whole damn quest? And why does Bastian's school have a creepy attic with a stuffed wolf head? Did your school have a creepy attic? Mine certainly did not. No it did not.

Plus, why the hell couldn't the empress just tell everyone she needed a human to give her a new name from the start? Wouldn't that have saved some time? And what if he gave her a lame ass name? Like Talulah. Or Wadine. (I apologize if that's your name). And back to the old man. When he reads the book, does he meet the empress in the end just like Bastian? And then can you picture (I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS IMAGE) the old man squatting down with the preteen empress, giving her a new name, she tells him he can have as many wishes as he wants...

OKAY, I can't do that anymore. This game just got uber weird, yo. And insanely disturbing. I apologize.

Moving on.

Yeah so I'm sick. But I did jazz up this site a little this evening. There are a few new pages, things in different places. Check it out. Tell your friends. Leave me comments.

Photo of the Day: Holga Dusk

This little baby here is from one the first Holga rolls of film I developed on 400 ISO. And I have to say, most of my shots turned out pretty kickass. Even the ones you wouldn't deem traditionally "good," I really liked because of the grain or the darkness of the shot. And this one is my fave. I took this in Portland last January at dusk in the Hawthorn district. This is just 12 kinds of wonderful to me. Dusk is my favorite time of day and it also reminds me a little of Europe.

More Holga shots to come!