Photo of the Day: Fluffers

In case we haven't fawned over my boy enough lately.

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Photo of the Day: All the Changing Leaves

Because I can never get enough of those Fall colors.

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Photo of the Day: Outside My Front Door

This is what I get to come home to every day.

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Photo of the Day: Autumn Light

I'm finally taking photos again! Try not to die of shock.

I love Autumn. It's my very favorite and I can't believe I haven't taken more photos of my fave season this year, so I'm making up for it now.

Because I tend to migrate toward macros, I thought I'd play with light and shadow in some full tree shots. What do you think? Isn't this afternoon light just delicious?

See more here.

Our House

Well hello, old friends, old buddies, old pals. It's been a thousand years since I've written, a veritable millenia, if you will. I have a bunch of good reasons for this, of which I may or may not write about in this post. I honestly haven't decided yet. Let's just all be glad I'm actually writing, shall we?

Yes, yes we shall.

The biggest reason I haven't written was that I MOVED! Into a house! With Eminem! Huzzah!

Yeah, moving sucks. I don't care if you're moving into an awesome house with a great guy with all kinds of rainbows and happiness and unicorn shit, you still end up with lots of boxes everywhere and won't know where all your stuff is for weeks and have to spend money making your house livable. It sucks and it's hard work and it eats up all your time and energy.

Despite all that, however, we are totally happy and the house is just beginning to feel like a home. We still have some boxes left and have a couple spaces to finish nesting and photos to print and hang and I have some crafty projects to complete, but it's just at the point where I feel good about it. I come home and feel like the space is really ours.

Here are some photos of the empty house. I'll share finished photos when it's all done. (please excuse this photographer for taking iPhone photos)

Happy Peoples

We're also decorating in largely orange and grey, which I'm sure has nothing to do with these two:

No we didn't decorate our house to match our cats. Shut up. Only crazy people do that.

Anyways, I suppose that's all for now. Le sigh. Apparently I get burnt out really easily these days.

Happy Halloween! More soon, I promise!

We didn't come from money

I've been just mildly obsessed with this song lately. Okay, the last month or so. At first, I was just enchanted by the totally delicious harmonies and really thought the lyrics were fairly meh, but the more I listen to it, the more I actually began to identify with it.

I also may have sang it at a little birthday karaoke fun last night and rocked it. Make of that what you will.

The other day, I found myself in a conversation with women I didn't know all that well and they were discussing how much they pay for their fabulous apartments and how worth it it all is and I just sat there with nothing to say, nothing to contribute, because I couldn't identify with these women in any way. I don't begrudge them their fabulous lives and I'm not envious of their fabulous lives; I just simply and truly could not relate.

I pay a fraction of what they do for my tiny little hovel and I have to work to make ends meet even then. But I'm oddly okay with that. I'm doing much better than anyone could probably have anticipated considering where I come from and I'm proud of how much I've done for myself.

Sure, would it have been nice to come from money? To have parents who paid for everything I wanted in life? I guess. That does sound lovely. But on the other hand, I have worked really hard and done some really cool things on my own. And that's pretty damn cool.

In a couple weeks, Eminem and I are moving in together, which is majorly exciting and nervous making and YAYchange! We found an insanely cute house to rent which is really a steal for the space and charm and HUGE yard we're getting. We will be paying a fraction of what many people pay for their wonderful houses and apartments in fabulous places, but that's just fine with us.

We have something better, something within our budget but still really cute and comfortable and (most important) with lots of privacy, because after years and years of apartment living, we cannot wait for the quiet that comes from not sharing ceilings and floors and walls with other people. We have a house! Once it's ours, I'll take some empty house photos for you all so you can see just how damn cute and also before I decorate the shit out of it. I already have tons of crafty plans for it and it's all nested in my head.

I guess my main point of all this is that people just live their lives how they can and so what? There's such a war waging in our culture over money. And rightfully so in lots of ways. But also, those who don't live in very certain ways, or who weren't born into money, are constantly vilified. And why? So those who have more can feel better about it? It's all luck.

Nobody chooses to be born into poverty and those who are born into wealth landed there by pure luck. I'm okay that I didn't come from money. Life wasn't as easy, isn't as easy, but it's mine. I've done it my way and made do and struggled and guess what? I'm okay!

And since I'm doing okay, I can work to speak for those who don't have anything. I can help where I can. I have a lot less than lots of people, but still a lot more than others. I think there's a certain advantage to that, to knowing what it's like to live on very little and therefore have a little understanding for those who still struggle.

This post wasn't meant to be so preachy; I just wanted to share that my life is good and even though we don't have all that much, we're still happy. Imagine that.

Before I leave you, I have to share that I posted two (TWO!) whole sets of new photos over at Double A Photography last week: Wilting Blooms and Little Buds. Here's a sample (Just click on the photos to see the full collections):

How is it July already?

I didn't come to post today with any clear plan of what to talk about. I just haven't posted in like weeks and weeks because I've been totally way busy with life and work and travel and, while I certainly can't complain about that, I did miss writing.

I haven't even posted photos over at Double A Photography in forever because I haven't even had time to edit and upload all the images I have dawdling on my computer. I have more photos of nature than I could possibly know what to do with. You're getting some here today. You're welcome.

Anyway, when I haven't written in a while, I start to feel a little manic, a little crazy. I get all cranky because I don't feel right, like I'm not quite in my body. Inevitably, it's because I haven't made time to download my brain in writing. That and I get all social burn out. I totally had that this week.

Two weekends ago, Eminem and I spent the weekend in the Colombia Gorge hiking and eating and wandering and being awesome.

Real live Bald Eagle we saw at a bird show at Skamania Lodge

Then last weekend, we went to Idaho for a wedding, where I learned that 104 degree dry summers aren't exclusive to inland Southern California. We lounged by the pool and drank some drinkies and got just sunburned enough to show our battle scars but not too much that we would be miserable on the flight home. Win! 

At the wedding.
My sunglasses don't fit my face because my *real* sunglasses broke and I had to buy gas station ones.
Sigh.

Then the next day, I had to go white water rafting for "research," as in my company is going to do a corporate trip and it was my duty to see what it was all about. Poor me. I might be totally lucky to have found a job again that lets me do fun things. Knock on wood!

Me on the back left side there. With the slightly sunburned arm.

I have to say, though, by the time July 4th rolled around, I was damned tired. I was also a little sore from rafting. So I was glad to have a mellow day of sitting around and eating food with just my man and I was even a little testy and cranky to him. Poor guy. There just comes a point where I can't talk any more. Not even one word.

I might also have been a bit hormonal because I took my bc pill like way off schedule during all my traveling and so I started my period just the teeniest bit, but enough to remember the uterus crushing horror that are the cramps one gets when her lady parts are a three ring circus run by the animals.

So by Friday night, when most of my friends were enjoying their 4 day weekend with drinks and social social time, I was curled up with my cat in bed, eating junk food, and enjoying the brilliance that is Sherlock. Damn that show is brilliant.

And then Eminem and I spent the weekend not much differently. We ran a few errands and then planted ourselves firmly on our asses and moved only to eat and hydrate. It was glorious. It takes a special man to share an entire weekend of laziness with you. I love that man.

Is...how you say...freezing!

It's been colder than Santa's balls here in Portland the last few weeks. I assume Santa's balls are cold on account of the North Pole being pretty chilly and he doesn't look like he gets much action. So, as you can imagine, pretty damn cold.

We've gotten a little snow here and there, though nothing to brag about, but it's mostly been just damn cold and clear and icy and foggy. Most Portlanders would kill me for saying this, but I can't wait for the rain to come back. But that will warm things up a bit! Yikes it's cold out there.

So last weekend, Eminem and I drove a good three hours out of Portland to a cabin his folks have and then I promptly started to get a cold, which made me, per usual, a cranky, dramatic pain in the ass. But, my man handled it like a champ. As he always does. Which is why I love him.

But, even though I was getting sick, I refused to drive all that way just to watch football and movies and eat enough gluten free cookies to last me through the apocalypse, so I drug our freezing asses outside and we walked around a frozen lake and I got some great photos out of it. Totally worth losing my nose to frostbite, but that's what committed photographers are all about.



Then I came home to a week from hell. Between this cold that threatened to be the flu and feeling some immense stress from work and then some other shit which I just can't talk about, it was hard. Super hard yo.

Then a friend told me (so, you know, a very reliable source) that historically, that's the most depressing week of the year. Something to do with it being fucking freezing and everyone's stressed from coming off the holidays, blah blah blah. So that made me feel better.

And Saturday I got to go to my very first Trail Blazer's game. And even though they lost and even though I thought I might get into a LA girl throw down more than a few times (because that's how California girls do it. so don't fuck with us.), I had fun!

Still, even though it was freezing all night, a great reward for trudging along in the cold to do something with your guy that he genuinely loves is always cuddling with a human radiotor that makes you tea and breakfast in the morning. In case you missed it, my boyfriend is a human radiator. The man emits heat that could cure a hypothermia victim. Hospitals should keep him on standby.

As one parting thought, I've never liked the term "pussy whipped" for what I hope are obvious reasons. It's a horrible term. But I now own apparel for pretty much all of my boyfriend's favorite sports teams (except the Pats. because I'll always be a Niners girl).

So you tell me who's whipped.

So this one time, I went to India...

Did you miss me? The reason I was gone for so long, my friends, was because I was in India! What? Yes, yes it's true. I had the amazing opportunity to accompany my aunt on a trip to the Golden Triangle in India. Why? For fun. Just to be tourists. Because why the hell not? Because it's INDIA!

I truly had an incredible time. I took well over a thousand photos, which I guarantee will take me a year to get through and edit and upload. I ate a ton of good food, none of which made me sick, bee tee double you, contrary to what everyone told me (because, you know, I didn't eat food off the street like an idiot).

And I saw people, animals, palaces, mosques, temples, forts, and experienced a new place which I won't even attempt to do justice because travel to a place so different to what you've experienced is really the only way to best understand it. And I have a thousand stories to tell, which I don't even know where to start telling. Also: tiger safari. Tiger. Fucking. Safari. Enough said.

For now, here's a small sampling of photos I took. Many, many, many more to come.

the epic and severely overdue catchup post

Look at me! Posting on my blog! Hallelujah praise baby jeebus.

Seriously though, I can hardly be blamed for skipping writing for, oh I don't know, a MONTH, because life has been totally insane. Yesterday felt like the first relaxed and free day I've had in a million years.

First, I had that ten days in California, which was so jam packed and whirlwindy that I so needed a vacation when I got home (and more on that trip in a bit). But it was right back to work and then to a work retreat, which I planned and organized and which I'm not complaining about because I love doing that stuff, but was another busy, whirlwindy time.



And I felt like I was battling a bug before that trip and I kept on fighting it on through the whole next two weeks, during which time I helped coordinate an office reorganization (like physical reorganization, like office and cubicles and phone lines and shit) and which I worked on today as well.

Last Thursday was the denouement of sorts of my mystery flu. I woke up Thursday with an insane migraine and it just got worse and worse as the day progressed and I ran around and lugged boxes and shit. By the time I left work, I was dizzy and nauseated and felt like death, pure death. I started feeling a teeny better about 8 or so that night, slept and slept and woke up Friday feeling fantastic.

Soooo clearly I'd excised my demons. I've never had an exorcism, but I'm pretty sure that's what it feels like. Plus, imagine how powerful I am to have done it on myself. All bow to my power.

And like I said, I worked some hours this morning, but I finally have a moment to sit down and write. Ahhhhhh.

So, let me back up. The California trip! I'll just give you some highlights.

First bit of drama was at PDX airport. I had to check a bag, so I decided to just check in at the airport. I go check in, get my boarding pass, kiss my boyfriend goodbye, and get into the long line to security. I get up to the first TSA guard who checks to see if your ID and boarding pass match and he goes, "This isn't your boarding pass." And then I had a heart attack. Turns out, the lady at Alaska switched my boarding pass with some chick named Rachel (which is funny, because that was my name for the two months before I was adopted, though I doubt TSA cares about that). Luckily, one of the guards took pity on my about-to-bawl-if-I-miss-my-flight face and took my to the desk to get my real pass and let me cut back into my place in line. Shout out to the guard at PDX! Sweetheart.

And I made my flight.

You all know I was there for my cousin's wedding right? The best thing was renting this deliciously pretty lens for the trip. I now must make this lens my own. I must. It's my precious and I can feel body deteriorating without it. I hate my other lenses now, my shitty, pathetic lenses. The losers.



So first, I did several things all wrong. I was trying to save money because I'll need some dough when I go to India in December, so I didn't rent a car or get a hotel room. And I know my cousin kept telling me I wasn't a problem and wasn't getting in the way (and, admittedly, I did clean house and make drinks and food, so I think I was a big help), but if I'd sprung for a hotel, I would've been one less body in her house. And I really really really should've found a way to rent a car. It would've been helpful on my cousin, but it would've also given me more freedom and I could've spent more time with other friends and fam. But oh well. Live and learn right?

The other thing I should've done was find a way to take my boyfriend with me. Because the last trip down with a guy was so disastrous, I had decided a long ago that I wouldn't take a date to the wedding. But then as Eminem and I were doing great, I realized that I did want everyone to meet him and he won't have another chance for a long while. Plus, I missed him like crazy and I really did need someone there for me, someone to keep me sane when I was getting super stressed out. He was great and was texting me sweetness the whole time. But I really did need him there. But I lived, so, oh well.

I did get to my best friend's house in the desert and got to meet my new nephew Lucas, aka the youngest old man in the whole world with the puffiest, pinchiest cheeks you will ever ever see.



I really wish I'd gotten more time with them, but I will get to see them at Christmas. At which point, Lucas will probably be a foot taller and riding a bike and reading and shit. Sigh. Such is life.

I did get to see my dad, though, and I was struck by just how OLD he's gotten in the last year. The man always looked like Einstein, but now he looks like Mark Twain, his hair is so white! He and I also used to make fun of old people who would read all the signs out loud. Yeah, he does that now. He shuffled around the mall with me and he announced all the signs. 50% off sale. Hot Topic. AT&T. Pretty Nail.

This last story I hesitate to share and I'm holding back many of the details until it unfolds. Okay, here goes:

My aunt (the mother of the bride) is alllll about geneology. She's like way into it and has done tons of work on our family. Anyway, so this aunt was giving me a ride and she needed some part on her car, so she and I are sitting in the waiting room of a Subaru (you know, the official state car of Oregon) dealership and chatting as two ladies are wont to do. We got to talking about my biological family (I'm adopted) and I told her how years ago, I found out my parents' names, etc, but never could find any more info. I also haven't opened my records or anything.

So she pulls out her iPad, signs into her Ancestry.com account, types away, and after a little search, finds my mother. Seriously. And right there on the screen is a photo of my biological mom and sister. Right there. And I they looked like me, which is the craziest feeling if you've never ever seen what a blood relative looks like. I'm not sharing that photo yet because I just feel like that's wrong somehow. I'll explain in a sec.

So then it took off from there. Turns out my mom died when I was little, though I don't know why yet and I'm going to order her death certificate to find out. we did a ton of research on my family and I have a notebook full of genealogical history from my mom's side. And then we found my sister, like I have an address and a recent photo of her and everything. From some of the info we found, I think she's aware of me, but the ball is clearly in my court because she'd have no way of know who I am. So, I'm going to write her a letter. I admit that I haven't even started it and while I don't want to waste much time, I do want to write it carefully and find the right words. That's partly why I want to wait to share the photo; I don't want to find her through this blog, because I want to contact her myself.

Here's a baby picture of me instead:

Crazy right? The best way to describe how I'm feeling is cautiously excited. I'm nervous to be sure, but way more curious than anything. Wish me luck!

I'm also coming up on two big events. Next week, I'll turn 32 and Eminem and I will have dated for six months. I'm totally happy about both.

Aaaaand scene.