I missed her

Her email address was staring at me brazenly. My breath captive in my throat. An email. From her.

The last time I'd seen her was almost a year ago, sitting in her car, the dashboard illuminating our distorted faces with a macabre glow, the both of us overcome with sobs at the revelation of what she’d done.

I’d never felt so betrayed. So heartbroken.

I'd said never. She broke the rules. Her chance had passed. 

But I missed her. I missed her terribly. I missed her before I even slammed the heavy car door that night, the word slut howled into the chilly air.

I missed her down into my toes.

I ached with the absence of her. Every significant moment lacking because I couldn’t share it with her.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I held the mouse under my fingers. I don’t know how I expected to feel, but I felt it all. Apprehension. Joy. Anger. Relief. I was excited and I was terrified. The butterflies must have been chased away by the bees buzzing in my stomach. My throat convulsed with a thousand nerves.

With shaky hands and without even noticing the subject line, I clicked.

So much.

Tears immediately welled.

So much.

Words of contrition and sadness and remorse. Words like selfish and sorry and I miss you. Words that seeped into the gaping wound in my heart and filled it with warm light.

I read without reading, just letting the fact of their existence sooth my aching soul.

Then I read again.

I read each word ravenously with the gaze of a hungry beast, not wanted to miss one delicious morsel of apology and hope and love. Her voice, which I’d somehow forgotten yet remembered, was clear and honest and so reassuringly her.

With each phrase, forgiveness overtook me. With each expression, I let her back into my core. As I read, I suddenly knew I’d forgiven her before she’d even asked, but knew that what I needed from her was just that: to ask for my forgiveness.

Just that simple act. That offering of apology.

And I was mended. We were mended. Our friendship of ten years reclaimed and salvaged, now stronger than before. A friendship more important than rancor. A friendship worth forgiveness.

This was a post for the RemembeRED prompt: This week's prompt is about forgiveness. Forgiving others, forgiving yourself. Write about a time of forgiveness. I wrote this about an event that happened maybe 5 or 6 years ago. The friend in the story is one of my closest friends still today. We're stronger than ever.