Saturday, December 4, 2010

Sexy Saturdays: I like pie

Oh what a delicious post we have today on Sexy Saturdays, my lovely Internet sexy pants people. Yeah, I don't know. That just came out. Go with it, okay?

Anyway, I am happy to host a very new friend, Menzies of The Constant Linguist. This dude has many internet personae, but I think you'll find him just as varied. I met this young scholar only a few weeks ago on the Twitter and I was tickled chartreuse to meet this kid who got me thinking and talking about literature again, got me using a part of my brain that was slowly shriveling. He's quite brilliant, I must say.

However, I think you'll find this young lad not just about academia. Hell, he studies the bawdiest of bawds in classics, or to quote him, he does," the 'seedy underside' of Roman lit. Sex, invective, murder, corruption.." People, f you think the ancients were prudes, you are very much mistaken. I also think he told me once he studies the word Fuck. So, yeah. Also: he's a poet. Oh yes. AND, spurned recently by a twitter convo turned into a long ass list of names, he's writing about truly badass women. Serious. 

Go follow him on the twitter (if you can keep up for he types faster than anyone I know.) and read his blog.  I also feel that I should warn the ladies to have an extra pair of panties handy whilst reading this post. Just, you know, sayin'. Enjoy!

Hello. I'm Menzies, pronounced MING-iss because Scots are weird.

I was quite honored that Andy agreed to take me on for this feature, and honestly after reading the previous entries I can see I've got hard acts to follow, at least in terms of writing skill, so I'll try to keep the rambling to a minimum.

In keeping with that, let me just lay it out there: I love cunnilingus. Everything about it. The scents, the sounds, the sensations, hell, the tastes – something in it is intensely satisfying, in pretty much every possible sense. I could write sonnets about how much I enjoy this particular activity.

I'm going to be regaling you with two stories: first, as you might expect, about the first time I went down on a woman, and the second, well . . . burn that bridge when we come to it.

My first experience with oral sex was when I was nineteen. We had been together for maybe a month. I still had a final exam or two, but she was leaving for Christmas vacation the next day, and given that this meant about three weeks apart I decided it merited something a little more special.

That night was like we were making sure neither of us would forget the other over break. I had by this point gotten fairly good with my hands, and at listening to and working with her cues, but I wanted to try something new.

So sometime after the second orgasm I gave her, I sort of mildly pushed her up against her cushions, kicked my legs back, and kissed her down there. And then did some other things. She made her usual noises of pleasure, bucked and moved, and generally seemed happy with what I was doing. I ended up using my hands again to get her off, but the short time I'd been down there, working only with my tongue and my ears, left me pretty much marked.

Fast-forward a year and a half or so: last August, to be exact. Two partners later. I'd grown to like cunnilingus enough to start actually doing my homework on the subject, and found techniques here and there that had immensely improved my performance. (She certainly seemed much happier with it, anyway.) We hadn't seen each other in a couple months, both of us were not unhorny, and – well, to quote Reggie Foster, do I have to draw you a picture?

In a moment of why-the-hell-not, she laid down on the dinner table, I sat in front of her, and she placed her shins on my shoulders. I used my tongue and my fingers together, but in the end my tongue did the lion's share of the work.

Just as I began to think that I'd need to recur to my hands, her whole body shook, enough to make the table vibrate. Her legs bore down upon my shoulders. She pushed against my lips. Her hands sought and grabbed every strand of hair they could find on my head and made damn sure I didn't move any muscle except my tongue until she was quite done.

Needless to say, I was insufferably proud of myself for a couple days, and it was probably one of the hottest sexual experiences I've had.

So, like I said: I enjoy muff diving. Pie eating. Gash licking. Whatever you call it, if it involves a woman's genitals and my mouth, I'm there. Especially now that I've proved rather good at it.

2 comments mean you love me:

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Thank you!

(Sorry it took me so long to reply.)

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